Category: Thoughts

The Constants In Change

Things ain’t what they used to be.

These days, it seems as if our world is changing at the speed of light. Fifteen years ago, the Internet was still a shiny new toy; today that toy is in our pockets, on our wrists and even accessible in Gabon. The way we travel and live is being reimagined by Uber, urbanization…and soon, self-driving cars. How we live, what we eat, where we shop, who we interact with (and when we make those interactions) — it’s all being revolutionized.

This is far from the first time that a cultural shift has transformed society. The renaissance, the dawn of capitalism, the inventions of the telephone, railroad and car — these have all led to seismic shifts of thought. But something feels different this time, arrogantly different. And frankly, it’s a bit frightening.

You see, the trail towards our Technocultural Revolution was paved by those who didn’t just break the rules of conventional thought, but instead blew those rules to bits. Tech giants Apple, Microsoft and Facebook were created by college dropouts — and opinionated college dropouts at that — who weren’t going to let the rules of the past interfere with their visions of the future.

As a result of this thinking, Apple, Facebook and Microsoft — along with companies such as Google and Amazon, which were actually founded by college graduates — took the world by fire, redefining norms not only for technology, but also corporate society. (Look no further than the proliferation of startups to see my point in technicolor.) This is all fine and good on a basic level, but the imprint these companies have left on our culture is a double-edged sword.

Too often today, there is a prevailing attitude that the past is wrong. As a new generation of adults settles into urban apartments — and eschews the car, cable TV and other amenities for smartphones with access to Netflix and Snapchat — they quickly wage war on the world they’re leaving behind. While suburbia might be inefficient, gas guzzlers might be bad for the environment, and red meat and gluten-rich might not be the healthiest dietary choices, this ain’t exactly the Jedi/Sith showdown our now-dominant culture is making things out to be. As a suburbanite with an SUV and a hankering for a home-cooked steak every now and then, I can attest that the old ways can work just fine. And countless people were able to meet, fall in love and get married long before the advent of Tinder.

This ultra-defiant attitude young adults display toward the norms of yesterday is obnoxious on its owns. But as it spreads to other sectors — such as commerce and politics — it becomes extremely dangerous. In the midst of the race to reinvent culture, the rising leaders of today would be wise to remember the past — even if only to avoid repeating it.

Take a look at what’s happening right now. Many young adults might not care that oil prices and Wall Street are in a tailspin — after all, their life choices have led them away from a dependence on both. But recessions affect everyone, irreparably damaging both lifestyles and futures. “Outsider” Presidential candidates (on both sides of the aisle) threatening to bulldoze and redefine our federal government might be seen as the saviors of a “broken” Washington, but let us not forget that this was exactly the scenario that led the the rise of Nazi Germany. (Think that’s too far off-base? We already have one extremely popular candidate threatening to remove Muslims and Hispanics from our nation.)

It’s naïve, selfish and shortsighted to think that throwing out the past in favor of the future will lead to the world singing Kumbaya around a campfire. The world simply doesn’t work that way. Instead, it’s important to have some constants in the process of change, as all that which came before us could help us better define what comes after us.

As we move forward, our collective boat should navigate the crests of change with the swells of constants. This way, we all may adapt and thrive, instead of capsize and drown.

Adapting Our Expectations

Another Super Bowl has come and gone.

Our biggest sporting and television spectacle brings its quirks with it — commercials people actually pay attention to, a halftime concert featuring a bizarre mix of artists, political statements and semi-elaborate sets, and a hefty amount of overindulgence. It also brings us some memorable moments, and a newly minted National Football League champion.

The NFL’s Most Valuable Player, Cam Newton, was not that champion this year. But after the confetti rained down and the Vince Lombardi Trophy was raised up by his opponents — the Denver Broncos — he became one of the game’s memorable moments.

Meeting with the hordes of media — as is his obligation after the game — Newton looked morose. So often bold and outspoken, the 6’5” quarterback seemed to be hiding under his Carolina Panthers hoodie, quietly giving one or two word answers before storming off.

It was not what anyone was looking for from the new face of football. Even in his early days in the league, when struggles and frustration were commonplace, Newton spoke candidly about his need for self improvement. Now, on the game’s biggest stage, Cam let his emotions get the best of him. And he got roasted for it.

I don’t believe that’s right.

It’s easy for the media to demonize those who don’t play by their rules or expectations. I know this innately, because I used to be in the media. But what I don’t know is what it feels like to fail in front of 115 million people and then candidly answer tough questions about how I’ve failed.

I can’t imagine how brutal that would feel — even though I have a folder in my inbox filled with 150 job rejection emails I received three years ago during my career transition. I was out of work for 3 months back then, living week by week in a hotel in a strange city, with no friends nearby to keep my spirits up and job rejection after job rejection eating into my soul as my savings were slowly depleted.

Needless to say, it was a low and frustrating time for me — but I didn’t have to answer pointed questions about it in full view of half the country.

Think about it. We all have times where we felt like that, where we wanted to be left alone. So did Cam. But he couldn’t be left alone, so he did what he could to power through the situation and move on. And he damn sure did a better job than I would have done in that situation.

It’s time we adapt our expectations. Not everyone can be like Newton’s Super Bowl opponent, Peyton Manning — who, after a brutal double overtime playoff loss in 2013, answered every question thrown his way before quietly going to the opponent’s locker room to congratulate Ray Lewis (who would retire after winning the Super Bowl weeks later). That’s the standard the media sets, but it really should be considered above and beyond.

Cam Newton is an amazing talent, a phenomenal athlete and a heck of a football player. He’s a leader, an inspiration and, by all accounts, a great person. He’s brash and flamboyant, but also strong and determined. He’s the face of football for years to come.

We caught him at his lowest in the aftermath of Super Bowl 50. He’ll learn from it, he’ll adapt and he’ll grow.

When it comes to our expectations, it’s high time we did too.

A Pressing Transformation

As I was out shopping for golf spikes a few weeks ago, my mind (quite naturally) fixated on one name: Johannes Gutenberg.

Let me explain.

You see, a trip to the golf store is never simple for someone with wide feet — especially when that person is on the hunt for the elusive black Nike spikes that will fit him, both in style and comfort. Inevitably, some poor employee will swing by and try in vain to find me what I’m looking for; when this happens, I’ll invariably start thinking about how it is that people can make their living selling golf equipment.

Zooming out further, I’ll start considering how an entire industry has cropped up around what is — at its most basic elements — an elaborate obstacle course. There’s plenty of money to be made in golf — not only for those on the PGA Tour, but also for those caddying, teaching lessons, managing the grounds or working the pro shop. It’s impressive, but it’s also confounding.

As far as I know, golf started out not much different than lawn games like croquet did. It was a high-class form of entertainment that rewarded those most skilled at hitting a ball around a course and into certain access points quickly.

Golf wasn’t an occupation back then. In fact, there were few occupations in Scotland of the Middle Ages — or anywhere else, for that matter. Society was mostly agrarian, with families working the land to provide for their own while under the reign of a king or queen. Communities were segregated, and ideas did not have the technology to spread to the masses quickly; both of these factors helped keep the system in place.

Enter Mr. Gutenberg.

By bringing the printing press to the Western world, Gutenberg allowed society to spread ideas both quickly and widely — all through the power of the written word. Enlightenment soon swept across Europe, followed by industrialization and the dawn of capitalism. Eventually, governments replaced monarchies, Europeans founded new nations in the Americas and an industrialized, free market began to redefine the world.

So what does this have to do with golf?

Well, as the world changed following Gutenberg’s innovation, golf changed with it. The game gradually transformed from a marginalized leisure activity in a collection of hilly fiefdoms to a global phenomenon that’s enjoyed by a wider variety of people.

Golf has also found its way into the heart of the capitalist commercial world. People are much more likely to play golf on business than, say, baseball. This fact (along with the exclusive allure of the country club) has helped make the golf course a staple of the landscape in America and countless other nations. It’s also led to the growth of that lucrative golf industry I come in contact with when I need golf spikes, or to take a couple dozen hacks at the range.

So thank you, Mr. Gutenberg. Without your printing press, the world would be a far different place. And without as much golf in it, I dare say it would be a sad place too.

A Matter Of Perspective

Think of what you have over what you have not.
Think of who you are over who you are not.
Think of where you’ve come over where you have not.
Think of when you learned over when you did not.
Think of how you’ve grown over how you have not.

Think of what you do over what you do not.
Think of who you can inspire over who you inspire not.
Think of where you can improve over where you can not.
Think of when you should make a difference over when you should not.
Think of how you’ll make the world a better place over how you will not.

Success. Fulfillment. Satisfaction.

It all starts with perspective.

The Show Me Moment

“Do you have any questions?”

Five simple words. One question mark. But when they were directed towards me in my younger days, I’d transform into an arctic glacier.

It all made sense. Still does.

You see, I was a shy kid, the son of teachers. To me, routine and familiarity were crucial back then; going off-script was deadly. If I asked questions when prompted to, whether it was in class, at an interview or elsewhere, it would show that I didn’t get it, that I couldn’t follow. Little did I know back then, but the silent treatment instead proved that I truly didn’t get it.

Leaders don’t follow. Leaders communicate.

A prompt for questions is not a chance for the stragglers to catch up; it’s a chance for the best and brightest to stand out. Those that ask quality questions when prompted simultaneously prove their retention abilities while upping the ante by stimulating intellectual conversation.

With apologies to the great state of Missouri, it’s the real Show Me Moment.

I don’t know for sure when I figured this out and shook myself out of my adolescent daze. But I do know that for the past decade or so, I’ve made it a point to come up with high-quality questions at nearly every job interview, webinar or presentation I’ve been to. I’ve used a combination of advanced research and on-the-fly thinking to come up with these questions, but more importantly, I’ve rarely hesitated to ask them.

I’ve also found that you can learn a lot from the way a presenter, interviewer or teacher answers the questions you pose. For instance, I find when someone says, “Great question” and pauses before responding, it means my question hit the mark. I caught them off-guard in a good way — as they now have to think of a response on the fly.

Eliciting the “Great Question” response is powerful for several reasons. For one, it shows that you’re ready to take the discussion to the next level intellectually For another, it turns the tables on the person asking for questions; instead of them taking you out of your comfort zone, you’ve taken them out of theirs. And when those gears are suddenly and unexpectedly firing in their mind, a funny thing happens. You suddenly become more memorable to that person.

In essence, asking high-quality questions can help you stand out in a productive, non-obnoxious way. You’ll be seen as a great communicator, a sophisticated mind and a person worth paying attention to. This is true not only in the classroom, conference room or presentation space, but throughout life as a whole.

So don’t be afraid to ask those questions when prompted. Seize your Show Me Moment.

A Better Resolution

A new year is upon us. The changing of a digit on the year field was, once again, strangely a cause for celebration, indulgence and clichéd Year In Review lists. But once the confetti cleared and the hangovers lifted, something far worse took over our collective consciousness — those dreaded New Years Resolutions.

If you can’t tell, I’m not exactly a big fan of New Year’s. I mostly view it as a clerical holiday mixed with too much drinking, something we arbitrarily celebrate to inflate our own importance. In the natural order of the universe, it’s quite strange for billions of people to go nuts and drink champagne at a certain point of a random winter’s night. But because we’ve standardized our calendar to stop at a certain point, we’re convinced that something different has happened once it does.

Which leads me to those damn resolutions. Since we’ve deluded ourselves into thinking that something magical happens when the clock hits midnight on New Year’s Eve, we collectively decide to make broad changes at that time — whether that’s losing weight, saving money or being nicer to others.

But here’s the thing: Arbitrarily making resolutions simply because it’s a new year is selfish.

Don’t believe me? Well take a step back and think about what the impetus for some of those resolutions are? A weight loss resolution is often a reaction to holiday overindulgence, or a single-minded quest look good in a swimsuit in the summer. A resolution to save money is similarly inward-focused; we’re more likely to use that money to buy more things for ourselves than to help those in need. And if you have to make an arbitrary resolution to be a nicer person, well, shame on you.

These resolutions don’t really have much of an impact on the lives of those around us. They just make us feel better when we look in the mirror — or at least make us feel less guilty.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with self-improvement. But the start of a new year shouldn’t be the driving force behind it. For one thing, our heart is likely not spearheading these changes. For another, it’s harder to stay accountable when you’re doing something because a calendar told you to.

This is a big reason why none of my self-improvement initiatives have started in January. I started working out regularly two and a half years ago, and I’ve yet to go a week without at least 10 minutes on the treadmill since. I gave up McDonalds 18 months ago and haven’t set foot in a Golden Arches, Burger King or Wendys since then. And my last sip of soda was three months ago. All three decisions came from the heart — not an arbitrary date on the calendar. Because of that, I’ve remained committed to them.

So as this year continues, I urge you to make resolutions. I urge you to seek changes that make your life better and improve the lives of those around you. But most of all, I urge you to only take up these resolutions when your heart is fully committed to them.

Happy New Year.

Faith and Fate

In recent years, I’ve been quite open about my faith. Faith has both graced my life and helped guide it.

I wouldn’t be the man I am today without my faith. Faith has forged the moral code that serves as a background for my actions, views and decisions. Faith has illuminated the road less traveled I’ve taken through my adult life. Faith has shown me wonder and amazement in the course of my travels and travails, and brought purpose to the otherwise robotic and mundane routine called everyday life.

But faith has not driven my life. Fate has.

It’s easy to misappropriate these terms. Culturally, faith is generally associated with good fortune, while fate is considered a dark and dubious term. One is tied with meaning, the other placed in lockstep with the cruelties of randomization.

But it’s not just simplistic and shortsighted to make these generalizations; it’s also plain wrong.

In truth, fate encompasses what happens to us in life. Faith encompasses how we respond to it.

***

On the day after Christmas, devastating tornadoes tore through the eastern suburbs of Dallas. Within moments, 11 people were dead, dozens others were hurt, and hundreds of houses were gone. In the wake of this heartbreaking devastation, someone undoubtedly thought, “How could God do this?”

But God didn’t do this.

The weather conditions were ripe for tornado development, and, lo and behold, a tornado exploded across a busy interstate and nearby residential neighborhood. It was fate that led to the devastation — people, houses and pets being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

That doesn’t make it any easier for us to swallow. So we look for the meaning, and, finding none, blame God and turn away from Him.

***

Devastating episodes like this illustrate the gulf we’ve built between faith and fate, as exposure to one serves to drive away the other. We believe that faith can help us repel wickedness, and by extension, cruel twists of fate. But when the darkest sides of fate turn our lives upside down, we repel faith.

But these two concepts are actually symbiotic.

Our faith anchors us in morality and serves as our compass. But without fate, we have nothing concrete to build off of.

Fate can knock us to the canvas without rhyme or reason, But faith allows us to rally behind our morality.

When we use the two together, we can live stronger, richer lives — even in the wake of events that rock our world.

***

If fate is what happens to us, and faith is how we respond, we must re-examine our cultural definition of meaning. We tend to attach this concept to actions, when we really should tie it to reactions.

This conceptual shift helps us view the world more accurately. It also forces us to face our fears, manifested in one sobering statement.

We can’t control what happens to us.

Scary, but true. We all want control over our lives and the events therein, but the forces of fate are stronger than our desires. What we can control is our response to the highs and lows fate throws our way. And we can use the meaning we draw from these reactions to strengthen and enrich our lives.

***

I believe all of this this, because I’ve lived it.

When I was a teenager, I had no idea my adult life would take the path it has. Fate hit me hard at times — at one point, I found myself lonely and frightened in a remote West Texas city; at another, I found myself living in a hotel room for three months as I looked for a marketing job — but faith was always there to guide me.

Faith helped me focus not on the actions fate had thrown at me, but what my reaction would be. In particular, faith helped keep me even-keeled, motivated and morally sound, even in the wake of hardships and setbacks. I subsequently drew value and meaning from my reactions to these experiences; as a result, I’m a stronger, wiser man today.

Don’t run from faith, or try and give fate the slip. Welcome both with open arms.

A Holiday Wish

The holidays are here.

It’s a time of joy, cheer, giving and indulgence. It’s a time when festive decorations light up the darkest and good tidings bring warmth to the biting winter chill (which seems to be conspicuously absent this year). This juxtaposition is what makes the holidays so special, but there’s another reason the timing of this season is so important.

As someone who’s battled depression at various points in my life, I know that the winter can be the most difficult time of the year. Depression can take root in the mind at any time, but when the days are short, cold and gray, it can have a more pronounced effect. Filling the darkest and shortest of days with the generosity, kindness and light that surround the holidays can help lift spirits that are otherwise weighed down by depression.

So this season, I have a wish for everyone. Somewhere between the Egg Nog and the Champagne, family and friends, gifts and Mistletoe, bring joy to someone who needs it. Someone for whom this season is not a luxury, but a necessity. Show you’re there. Show you care.

Make a difference in someone’s life with this simple act. This will not only bring a smile to your face, but it will warm your heart. Trust me.

Happy Holidays and God Bless.

Our Most Important Attribute

The most important measure of a person is the size of their heart.

Think about it.

The heart is where compassion, empathy, selflessness and love flow. When we express these feelings towards others, we build a positive community and make the world a better place.

Yes, the brain is important. And there are other body parts that all have their importance as well.

But I’ll take someone with a big heart over all of that.

One of my favorite movies of all time is Forrest Gump, for that very reason. Forrest is a man with a subpar IQ, but a heart that’s off the charts.

And we see that heart on display constantly. When Charlie ambushes his platoon in Vietnam, Forrest risks his life time and again to retrieve his wounded comrades. When his shrimp boat business takes off, he insists on giving Bubba’s mother her full share. Forrest never gives up on Lieutenant Dan or Jenny, even when others do.

It’s because of all of these actions that Forrest’s line late in the movie — “I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is.” — has such great resonance. So simple, but so poignant; Forrest has proved this point throughout his life.

We should all strive to be like Forrest Gump. To share our heart with others and positively impact their lives. For it will not only positively affect our lives in return, but it will also change the world.

During this season full of friends, family and faith, ask yourself one question:

How big can my heart be?

Rise Up Together

As I drove by a bank the other day, I noticed the Texas and American flags in front of it were at half-mast. By the time I reached the next red light, I had figured out which tragedy the half-mast gesture was referencing. That’s when I came to a truly depressing revelation.

It seems as if the flags are at half-mast more often than they’re flying high these days.

This is not normal. Furthermore, it shouldn’t be normal. We’re the greatest country in the world, a beacon of freedom and hope. We shouldn’t have to spend 30 seconds trying to figure out who we’re mourning today.

Mass shootings or terrorist attacks are a monthly occurrence in this nation. It’s something we’ve got to change, and I’ll be damned if I watch in silence any longer.

So let’s talk.

Every time a horrific act of mass violence breaks out, the general reaction seems to be the same. Shock, anger, depression, acceptance — all of the stages of grief are in play in some form, except bargaining. There’s usually a call for political action of some sort in there, but don’t confuse that with compromise. It’s more about taking a stand.

But turning to politics is a dead-end road. I’ve always believed the problem with politics is that Conservatives think they have the right answer and Liberals know they have the right answer. In truth, neither side does — making the dialogue between the two sides toxic in times like these, when tensions are high. Yet, when it comes to a response to the recent wave of bloodshed, the answer isn’t so clear-cut anyway, so let’s dig deeper.

Mass shootings exploit a flaw in the documentation our country is built upon. The right to bear arms is protected under the Second Amendment of the United States Constitution, but the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is protected under the Declaration of Independence. Mass shootings use one of our rights to callously deny another.

Sometimes the flaw can run even deeper. Religious expression is protected under the First Amendment of the United States Constitution. But when religious extremists open fire on others, they use two our rights to deny the most fundamental one we all have.

That said, taking away the rights to religion and to bear arms won’t rid us of these tragedies. People have been killing each other since the time of Cain and Abel, and people have been using religion as an impetus for violence for nearly as long. The bad guys will find a way, regardless of which tools they have at their disposal. Where we fail, collectively, is letting them become the bad guys in the first place.

I believe that there is good in most of us. But we don’t show it enough. Selfishness, hate and deceit are but a few of the evil tendencies of humanity that are all too prevalent in our society. When the less glamorous side of our existence is on display in large numbers, these dark feelings can consume the weak minded to the point of committing terrible actions.

We must show the good in ourselves more often. Spewing hate and closed-mindedness at others only breeds violence. Selfishly denying assistance to those who need help only leads to tragedy.

The holidays are here. Let’s show the good in ourselves — the compassion, selflessness and universal acceptance that has made our society so great. Let us show love over hate, collectively. This will help quell the crimson tide of bloodshed more than any anti-gun legislation or plan for religious persecution by an imbecile Presidential candidate ever will. We not only can do this. We must do this.

Let’s rise up together.