Category: Thoughts

Living Unbridled

Nothing quite compares to the feeling you get riding a horse.

That sense of freedom hits you like the wind in your face as the majestic animal gallops across the prairie. There are no panels of sheet metal, glass windows or floorboards separating you from that feeling, from the sight of the landscape around you flying by under the power of thundering hooves — just your feet in the stirrups and your hands on the reins.

It’s an exhilarating, incomparable feeling. And while it’s been close to a decade since I last saddled up, it’s a feeling firmly rooted in my soul.

But life in the saddle is about more than just a spiritual destination. It’s about a journey to a different perspective.

It’s about the bond between man and horse.

***

In the days before industrialization transformed the world, a horse was a necessity. The fastest way to get from Point A to Point B was on saddleback.

But the connection between a mounted rider and his noble steed was made of more than just necessity. It was about trust — a mutual understanding built between man and domesticated beast through care and compassion.

This bond brought out the softer and more nurturing side of men, at a time when such aspects were otherwise frowned upon — especially in the American West. Men were expected to be as tough as iron in that era, but such behavior in the saddle would literally drive a horse into the ground. As such, men put a great deal of personal devotion into their primary mode of transport.

(Of course, the bond between woman and horse has always been equally strong — if you don’t believe me, head to the rodeo and check out the barrel racing competition.)

***

With the advent of the railroad, everything changed. Transportation was quickly depersonalized and commoditized, transformed into “churn and burn.” Many innovations that came after the “Iron Horse” followed the same pattern. Gradually, our softer side went from being a need-to-have to a nice-to-have.

Now, these technological changes have improved our lives, for sure. But it is a bit disconcerting to see how effortlessly they took compassion and chivalry out of our everyday routines. It’s a missing element that is evident each time we see a video of someone callously pushing people out of the way to catch a train or recklessly screaming at a flight attendant.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

It’s about time we care about the journey as much as the destination. Good manners and a caring heart should be more common and reliable than the technology we use to make our lives effortless — unlike our cars, these traits won’t break down after years of continual use.

We are all on a journey through life together. The more compassion we show towards those around us, the more trust will be built. And the better we’ll be for it.

It’s time to start living unbridled.

Challenge Or Opportunity?

My life mantra has long been: Accept the Challenge. Embrace the Process.

It’s something I live and breathe every day. It’s exemplified the winding, often difficult path I’ve taken to get here; just as importantly, it keeps me focused and driven as I turn my sights toward the road ahead.

I don’t keep the word challenge in the forefront my mind because I’m a grinder, because I like to do things the hard way. If that were the case, I’d ride bulls around the southwestern circuit for a living, or do something similarly gritty.

No, challenge is rooted in my everyday consciousness because I’m a thinker. Adversity is never comfortable, but it can be beneficial. The key is to view the situation in the right frame of mind, and build off it.

Ultimately, it comes down to this:

Where some see a challenge, I see an opportunity.

A challenge is an opportunity to learn and to grow. But it’s also an opportunity to improvise and adapt — which can help us evolve into more well-rounded, resourceful people.

This distinction is important, because challenges are all around us. The major roadblocks in the course of our lives are, of course, well documented. But those less apparent situations that force us to innovate can often be just as significant.

For example, I’ve explained at length how I love to cook. Cooking is a challenge in itself — I’m sure even world-class chefs might agree with that statement — but cooking in an apartment provides an extra degree of difficulty. Add in my health issues regarding dairy, and suddenly an ocean of culinary possibilities is whittled down to a Bayou stream.

Do I run from this adverse situation — all the way to the nearest McDonalds? Not a chance. Instead, I accept the challenge. I improvise to make up for the lack of counter space and gourmet gadgets — making do with the rudimentary range and oven I’ve been provided. I find alternative methods of cooking burgers and hot dogs in the kitchen to compensate for my lack of patio space for grilling. I even have with my own recipe for making barbeque brisket indoors without a smoker.

Where some might have seen a significant challenge in my culinary arrangement, I saw an opportunity. And through this process of situational innovation, a funny thing has happened — I’ve become a better, more well-rounded cook.

This is why it’s important to look at adverse situations not as a fight-or-flight ultimatum, but instead as an innovate and evolve moment. There’s so much to gain from this perspective, and so little to risk.

So accept the challenge. It just might be your next great opportunity.

Better Than Perfect

If there’s one aspect of our collective behavior that will continually baffle me, it’s the relentless quest for perfection. It makes us act in strange ways, waste money on trivial things and cast shade on significant moments of achievement, due to the presence of minor flaws.

Perfection is fleeting. It’s tantalizing. Sportscasters wax poetic about it, Lexus bombards us with car commercials about the pursuit of it, brides spend the months leading up to their big day obsessing over it.

Perfection is seemingly all around us, yet barely out of our reach.

But why do we strain for that escaped balloon, time after time? What is it about perfection that makes us fixate on it, like a diamond under the glass in a jewelry store?

Is it because perfection puts us on God’s level? We should know better. Both the Bible and Greek mythology contain cautionary tales about those who had the Hubris to ascend to where they did not belong. When Icarus flew too close to the sun, his wax wings melted and he plummeted back to Earth. When people teamed up to build a tower to Heaven, God foiled the plan by splitting up the languages of the conspirators, making collaboration impossible.

What about the prospect of living without blemishes? Is that what allows our hearts to fix on perfection? This thinking is foolish, shallow and arrogant. Blemishes and flaws allow us to be different, what allow us to be free. We are not carbon copies, devoid of any sign of character. We are humans, with unique personalities, looks and behaviors. “Blemishes” may represent deviation from a mean, but they also help us connect, learn and grow.

Yes, if we are to progress as a society, we must learn to embrace our imperfections, instead of relentlessly chasing perfection. But that doesn’t mean we must stop seeking a better way, a higher standard.

We must aim for ideal. Ideal is attainable; perfection never will be.

Think about it. Did the humbling experiences of the falls of Icarus and Babel cause us to stop building or innovating? Not by a longshot. Look up on a bright sunny day in the big city, and you’ll likely see airplanes soaring well above the peaks of skyscrapers. These innovations are below the level of perfection, yet above the standard of adequacy. To a certain degree, they’re ideal.

Along the path to ideal, we learn to live with our differences, our blemishes, our flaws and imperfections. We collaborate, grow and build a more nuanced culture. Some of us even learn how to speak the languages of others — breaking through the barrier of Babel. If perfection were attainable, we wouldn’t have the opportunity to improve our society in these mutually productive ways.

So strive for ideal. It’s better than perfect.

FOMO Is Dumb

If there’s one emotional trigger that’s all over pop culture these days, it’s FOMO (or Fear of Missing Out). In a Millennial culture dominated by the process of stacking up personal experiences as much as possible, the event is everything — and missing out on it constitutes a crushing blow that necessitates emotional CPR.

This sentiment has taken hold from coast to coast. It’s why events ranging from South by Southwest to the latest iPhone release have a ridiculous amount of in-person interest. It’s why live streaming has gone from a novel idea to something that invades all corners of our life within a four-year period. It’s why we get so many marketing emails warning us that the clock is ticking on the next big thing. In short, it’s the fuel for the way our culture currently operates.

But FOMO is Dumb.

This phenomenon has invaded our society like a cancer. It’s brought the peer-pressured environment of high school into the mainstream, playing on our sense of belonging at the expense of what really should be important.

Much like the proliferation of selfies, FOMO gives us a mainstream excuse for carrying on childish behavior at an age when we should be much more mature. While selfies satiate our ever-growing narcissism, FOMO plays into our teenage desire to be “cool.”

This misguided emotional trap leads to predictably ugly results. We act irresponsibly, overspending both our time and our money to continually be present on the social scene. This means big business for organizers who can play off our addiction to routinely fill to capacity everything from an arena to a bar, solely off of the mystical social status that attendance at these events provides.

Of course, half of the people present for these events and activities don’t much care about them at all — they’re just on the scene so that the world knows they were there.

This is ridiculous.

It’s high time we take control of our own destiny. Our lives should be about more than where we’re visible at. It’s not like anyone is keeping score anyway — at least not in a way that really matters.

We should instead devote our attention to what we’re passionate about, and the people that mean the most to us.  If we shift our gaze in this direction, we’ll attain necessary balance in our lives.

In fact, we’ll find that we’re not missing anything at all.

Keeping The Balance

Not long ago, I denounced our society’s excessive reliance on money as a determining factor for all that we do. I’ve also recently outlined the ramifications of upsetting the apple cart.

So what gives?

In truth, neither have to.

We can gradually improve the system we have without causing undue strife. We all stand to gain from this track — our socioeconomic model moves closer to ideal without us sacrificing our identity.

Consider what some prospective leaders of this nation are proposing — that we all reap the benefits of something others pay for. Others could be foreign nations or, more troublingly, our own financial elites. In our money-driven society, many might consider this a dream come true — we can reap the benefits of healthcare, education, housing and more at the expense of those who stash their money away in offshore bank accounts. The recent revelations of the measures the global rich take to keep that money from being taxed has added the fuel of righteousness to these arguments.

In light of all this, many are supporting the idea of requiring the rich to cede even more of their wealth to fund services for the less affluent, to funnel more money towards the financial mean. In reality, this solution would bring unintended consequences.

While it’s true that a surplus of money leads to all the ugly behavior wealth preservation brings —selfishness, egotistical behavior — the possibility of accruing wealth in our society is a powerful incentive. The opportunity to provide ourselves and our loved ones a better life is something that drives us to give our 100% professionally. If we were to compress everyone to the financial mean, to remove the carrot of potential wealth by redistributing those earnings among the masses, there would be no stick driving us to give our all — as we’d end up at the same point no matter how much effort we put into our vocations.

This is why communism and socialism don’t work for our society. In those models, people have very little control over their destiny; no matter what they do, the government has a stranglehold on what they get and pay for. There is little incentive to grow professionally, to stay engaged, to avoid the debilitating effects of laziness.

Capitalism, ostensibly, gives us equal opportunity to determine our own fate. While the side effects are notable — a sizable income gap, greed, aggressive behavior and class divides — it does provide us with the inspiration to innovate, grow and expand our potential. It’s key for us not to attack this system, but instead to fix the inefficiencies that deny so many that equal opportunity they should be provided. Furthermore, we each have a responsibility to both act ethically and keep our financial status separate from our obligation to contribute to the communities we reside in.

With some small improvements — many from within our realm of personal responsibility —  we can help make the system more efficient, and our society better from top to bottom. All while keeping the balance.

What You Put In

You’ve heard it before, and you’ll hear it again.

You get out what you put in.

It’s some simple wisdom that we might apply to our careers, or to motivate ourselves at the gym. But it’s really about so much more than climbing the ladder, or getting the perfect six pack.

It’s about putting a concerted, dedicated effort into everything you do, in order to see results.

This point too often gets lost among us. We all too often believe that “putting in” is something strictly associated with an unpleasant, but necessary experience. For some inexplicable reason, we expect the things that bring us joy to just happen to us, without us “putting in” to make them all that they should be.

We know better. Aside from the sun rising and setting each day, very little in this world just happens. To varying degrees, we have to make things happen.

With this in mind, it’s important to dedicate ourselves to everything we do. Everything we strive for — from being a better parent to making smarter financial decisions — comes down to commitment. Heck, how we spend our free time comes down to commitment, even if we only plan on watching golf on TV.

Why is this dedication so important? It forces us to stay engaged and goal-oriented, even at the times when the goal we’re aiming for is total relaxation. This process keeps us healthier, sharper and more in control of our actions; it saves our mind from the paralysis of indifference.

Commitment forces us to shun the sheep in favor of the lions.

We are all lions. We are all strong, proud and capable of calling the shots in our lives. The key is to step up and take charge of what matters to us.

So the next time you’re zoned in at your cubicle, or preparing for that next set of reps, bottle that feeling of devotion. Then put it into everything else you do. You’ll be surprised how much you’ll get out of it.

A Costly Definition

There are so many things that make us great. The power of our mind and the size of our heart can help make the world a better place. And our unique personality traits add a notable zest to our society, much like an extra spice in a Gumbo. Yet, despite all that makes us one-of-a-kind, one factor seems to define all of us.

Money.

Try as we may to avoid it, the amount of money we have dictates our actions and perceptions. We need money to put food on our tables, clothes on our backs and a roof over our heads. Money shapes people’s perception of where we came from, and money defines where we’re going. Sometimes we use money in sickening degrees lavish excess — filling our lives with indulgences we don’t need. Other times, we let our lack of money hold us back — our financial burden inhibiting our lifestyle.

Money has a chokehold on our society as well. Needs are met and problems are solved not for the greater good, but instead because of the money exchange involved. That feeling of surprise when we get something for free — that only serves to underscore this point.

Our glorification of those with money only fans the flames; we’re hard wired to pursue more and more of money — first for ourselves, and then for our families. And while we inherently know that money is not correlated with satisfaction, we keep pursuing it, even when we know we have enough.

It’s a damned shame.

Money is a necessary evil in a capitalist society. But there should be some necessary good as well.

Spreading happiness and goodwill — that doesn’t need to come with a price tag. Spending time with the people we care about — that shouldn’t be burdened by the weight of money. The things we create, ideas we share, hobbies we cultivate, lives we impact — they should be celebrated independent of the financial gains they might bring us.

We will still get our money. And spend it. And then spend some more. But our narrative shouldn’t be imprisoned within the confines of our bank account.

The way we live our lives and contribute to our society — independent of our wallets — is what should define us.

Let’s change the narrative.

Solitude In Silence

I love to communicate.

Speaking, writing, sharing — I do it plenty. Maybe too much.

But there’s something I appreciate more than the words I share.

Silence.

You see, the loudest voice in the room garners the most buzz. But that attention is leased, not bought. It’s chewed up and spat out like a piece of gum.

On the contrary, the voice that shares the least quite often says the most.

The person who can deftly master the art of silence can wield incredible power — the power to subtly captivate with something that resonates. The absence of many words can demonstrate nearly as much as the few that are actively shared.

Still, silence naturally defies attention. We are hard-wired to ignore the silent in favor of those who contribute to our collective white noise. Silence is taboo; noise is normal.

But while it’s certainly important for some — such as abuse victims — to speak out, it shouldn’t be a blanket societal requirement. Leveraging the art of silence can bring an important measure of balance.

This is a major reason why I’m a strong advocate of selective periods of silence. I will occasionally spend an hour or two sitting on my porch or taking a long walk, without checking my phone or saying a word. I don’t crank up the tunes; it’s just me and the rhythmic sounds of birds, the wind or passing cars on the highway near my home.

These are the moments I cherish. They allow me to think, to reflect, to focus free of the white noise that otherwise dominates my life. These periods of silence provide me peace and solitude, and I emerge from them renewed and refreshed.

I don’t take this portion of my life for granted. Many are surprised to learn that I happily live alone, without pets; one of the many reasons I do is to allow myself for moments of silence and reflection. Others might not commit to taking long walks with only their thoughts as accompaniment; this is something I actually look forward to.

While I fully recognize that I have a unique disposition to appreciate silence — I’m naturally shy and actively self-reflective — I do believe it’s important for others to at least build a passing acceptance of it. We have a very real issue with overcommunication in our culture today; restraint and balance are missing attributes. Nature does not involve continual disruption; it’s important that we reconnect with its rhythm.

So, after you’re done reading this bit of white noise, consider taking some time to unplug. Remove yourself from all distractions, and find the solitude in silence. You will emerge anew.

Our Only Self

You’ve probably heard the phrase “I’m going to be my best self today” before.

I think it’s a load of bull.

The person who we are and the person who others see — that should be the same person. If we’re putting different versions of ourselves on display, it means at least one of them ain’t real. And that ain’t right.

We owe it to our loved ones and ourselves to be real. What you see is what you get.

But what if others don’t like what they see? Then there are three options: create different personas to please everyone, stay true to yourself and please no one, or make changes in order to find a middle ground.

When people talk about being their best selves, they think they’re choosing the third option, but really they’re going for Column A. This makes them superficial and shallow.

If you’re shallow, others will walk right over you.

No one wants that, but in the quest to be “our best selves,” we end up in that particular lava pit — fossilizing into a meaningless existence, the memory of which will eventually be forgotten when others find something new to fawn over.

I know this, because I’ve been there.

The place I was raised is not the place I call home today. The road from one to the other was long and winding, and once I got to my destination, there was a temptation to shun the path I’d traveled to get there. It was easy to pretend that I dropped out of the blue, that my past was insignificant.

But that was wrong.

I’ve learned to embrace my past and my future. Sure, it can lead to a lot of awkward conversations with the people I’ve interacted with at various touchpoints on the incomprehensible path I’ve taken — there is no Google Maps for my life; it’s been mostly uncharted. But at the end of the day, I’m being real with everyone I come across, and that sentiment is translatable.

So what to do when you’re trying to improve your life without falling into the “best self” abyss?

It’s simple.

Think about what the change is for.

Is it to change other’s perception of you, or to improve your own life? Is is to improve your popularity or to grow your self esteem?

These attributes are often lumped together, but they shouldn’t be. Basing changes to your own life off of the predicted reactions of others is the shallowest and most selfish thing you can do. Gradually improving your life habits while staying on course with your True North will not only help you live a fuller life, but also help solidify your legacy.

Someone who’s real is golden. Someone who’s real and on the continual path toward self-improvement is memorable.

So instead of trying to be your best self, focus on being your only self. Don’t reinvent it. Improve it.

(And don’t post naked bathroom selfies on Facebook. You’re better than that.)

The Wreckage Of Radical Thinking

These are trying times.

Our way of life is under attack by those we cannot understand, and who refuse to understand us. Undocumented people within our borders cause uncomfortable situations, while a booming international drug business is causing problems on multiple fronts. The color of our skin can be a de facto death sentence in certain encounters with law enforcement. Our rights to self-defense, privacy, speech and religion are threatened by — of all things —our own actions.

These are turbulent times indeed, compounded by our collective difficulty grasping one key concept.

Complex problems can’t be solved by simple solutions.

A concise rational statement. But we seem to have lost all rationality these days, as many are  convinced that by simply removing a set of people from our midst, we’ll make everything better.

It doesn’t work that way. Why? Because no matter how you classify us — black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Muslim, Jewish, Christian, cops, businesspeople, journalists — we have rights in this country. We have rights to live and defend ourselves. We have rights to spiritual beliefs and to free expression. We have rights to moments of privacy. We have rights to public safety. And, provided we don’t unduly impinge upon the safety of others, we have a right to freedom.

Change is good. Progress is good. But when radical responses to injustice catch fire, an entire subset of our society is denied these inalienable rights — and everything that we should stand for goes up in flames.

It ain’t progress when we ostracize all law enforcement officers for the abhorrent actions of several bad ones. It ain’t progress when we propose disarming our entire society completely, even in the wake of senseless tragedies. It ain’t progress when we threaten to kick out all the Mexicans, or all the Muslims.

For when we do all this, we succumb to closed-mindedness. We regress into an ugly past where some human beings within our borders were considered three-fifths of a person based on the color of their skin. We open the doors for those with the lethal combination of ultimate power and evil intentions to order a mass exterminations of a subset of our population. We threaten to shun our societal values — the unique mixture of cultural diversity and universal rights that has allowed our culture to transform the world.

So, when it comes to pushing our culture forward in the wake of tragic setbacks, we should not let our emotions goad us into radical decisions. Instead, we should show restraint and take a more moderate, central path toward improvement.

By staying true to who we are, we can ensure that who we will be is so much better.