Category: Thoughts

Read and React

According to plan.

We cling to these words like gospel. We strive to stay on schedule, on point, on task. To proceed down the path we’re intended to follow.

If everything goes according to plan, life is good. But all too often, it doesn’t. After all, the saying goes, “God laughs at your plans.”

When things go awry, we find ourselves in a world of trouble. Suddenly, we have 99 problems and can’t even solve one.

Why do we put ourselves through this dance? In part because we can’t bear the alternative.

We can’t stand to live in the moment.

There’s a stigma to living in the moment. One that states those who choose to live this way must throw all cares and responsibilities away.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sure, there are some people who approach life with a Key West attitude. But most people don’t have that luxury. Most people have families, occupations and other pressing concerns to tend to.

Yet even with these concerns, these people can adopt a Live in the Moment mentality — assuming they approach it the right way.

How so?

By following the Read and React framework.

If you’ve played chess — or football —  you’re likely familiar with the Read and React framework. It requires looking at the situation around you and then reacting accordingly in the moment.

While Read and React doesn’t prepare you for what’s coming ahead of time, it does the next best thing. It helps you control the outcome.

By practicing these principles time and again, we become more proficient at reacting to an increasing number of situations — or Reads, if you will. We become seemingly unflappable and action-driven.

Even in the wake of unpredictable outcomes, we can remain prepared. Prepared to respond. Prepared to capitalize. Prepared to lead.

Many of us practice the Read and React framework in our occupations — particularly if we work in a volatile profession. For example, I used it daily while working as a TV news producer. Practicing the framework helped me better adjust to the unpredictable nature of news — and therefore become better at my job.

So why not carry the same principles over to our lives?

After all, everyday life is chock full of unpredictability. Aside from the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, it’s one of the few things we can count on.

Why waste our energy and effort planning every detail of our lives? All that guarantees us is angst and stress when things inevitably go off track.

Instead, why don’t we live in the moment? Why don’t we change our approach to read what’s going on around us and then react accordingly?

It takes less effort to do this than it does to make plans that might never come to fruition. And we’ll be better prepared to handle life’s frequent surprises with poise and precision.

This process will make us more Zen. More relaxed. More pleasant to be around.

In short, it will lead to more positive outcomes.

What’s not to like?

Now, of course, we can’t live in the moment all the time. Planning remains critical for several aspects of our lives.

But let’s keep it to that.

Let’s plan only in situations where it’s only absolutely necessary, and Read and React to everything else.

We’ll be better for it.

Acting With Intention

What are your intentions?

We don’t often hear these words. But when we do, it’s safe to assume there’s a healthy bit of skepticism associated with them.

The mission is unclear — or perhaps unwanted — for the person asking the question. It’s on us to open the curtain and show what we’re really up to.

This cat-and-mouse game makes intentionality a taboo subject. Declaring our intentions outright sets us past the Point of No Return, where we must own our choices and their consequences outright. With this in mind, we prefer to keep our cards close to the vest whenever possible.

It seems like the safe play. But illusions can be deceiving.

You see, hiding our intentions is a lot like hedging our bets. It leads us to cede control in order to avoid responsibility.

When we’re not held accountable for our every action, we feel secure. We can go through our daily routines carefree — as if we’re floating on the clouds. All the while oblivious to how vulnerable we actually are.

For as peaceful as things might look in this scenario, we’re bound to encounter some turbulent moments in our lives. There will be some times where things just aren’t going our way.

When we come across these moments, it doesn’t really matter who or what’s to blame. Our sudden misfortune wipes the smile from our face and puts us in a bad mood instantly.

It turns out all the work we’ve done to avoid ownership of the situation doesn’t actually help us feel better at all when things go south. If anything, it makes us feel weak and helpless.

This is why it’s far better to act with intention whenever possible. To determine our purpose and then deliver on it with everything we do.

This is far from a simple process. After all, intentionality requires a continual commitment between the ears. A laser focus on purpose throughout the dozens of tasks we take on each day.

And this is far from a flawless process. Things will still go awry from time to time. And when they do, we will have to take a long look into the mirror to determine why.

But all that said, this is a critical process. For it gives us the power to better write our narrative. To go after what we seek, instead of waiting for it to be handed to us. To control many of the variables in our daily lives, and better react to those which we can’t control.

Yes, intentionality is a key concept in life. And one that can serve as a huge differentiator.

So, let’s go ahead and find that vigor for what lies ahead of us. Let’s embrace it with a renewed sense of purpose, and a laser-sharp sense of focus.

Let’s act with intention.

On Disruption

On a recent ride in a New York City taxi, I asked the driver how he was doing.

“Not great,” he admitted. “Business has been slow. Uber is killing us.”

He then detailed all the ways the rideshare giant has made his job more difficult, his taxi medallion less valuable.

The troubles stretch far beyond Uber’s cut-rate prices, he explained. The allure of easy fares has flooded the streets with competing drivers — many of whom have a poor grip on New York geography and get lost constantly as a result.

Some of these confused Uber drivers ferry people around as a side hustle; others drive after getting fired from their day jobs. Either way, the result is the same. More traffic congestion, more accidents and more headaches for those who have decades of experience driving the street in the familiar yellow sedans.

When I mentioned that city leaders could take action against this new wave of rideshare drivers, the cab driver told me they already tried to.

“Uber won the court case,” he said. “They’re here to stay.”

My mind took me back home to Dallas for a moment. I thought about the new logo I’ve seen plastered on the back of most taxis there recently.

The logo is for the Curb app, which allows customers to hail a cab from their smartphone. It’s a neat innovation, but in the Ridesharing Era, it’s a day late and a dollar short. A solution that doesn’t fully account for the problem.

You see, Uber didn’t take off by perfecting the taxi experience. By making it cheaper or more efficient.

No, it took off because it reinvented the entire way we approach travel. Just like Airbnb reinvented the entire way we approach hospitality, or Apple reinvented the way we use our mobile phones.

This is what disruption is all about. It’s why it works time and again.

The Curb app shows just how blind disrupted industries are to the siege outside their windows. It underscores why we actively seek out the next disruption. Why we antagonize The Way It Is in favor of The Way It Could Be.

Yet, we must be careful with this approach. Because much gets sacrificed in the crossfire.

No one is shedding a tear for the demise of payphones or CDs. These items were bulky and inconvenient. Using them required an annoying amount of planning and effort. Their disruptor — smartphones with streaming capabilities — proved to be far superior.

Yet, we should be more cautious when evaluating the impact of the Rideshare Era. Yes, catching an Uber can be more enjoyable or affordable than taking a cab. But by riding the wave of disruption, we leave many cab drivers in the dust.

These drivers have worked tirelessly to make a living for themselves, and made huge sacrifices just to get that opportunity. They’ve proven their worth — only to see the rug pulled out from under them by an upstart who will accept nearly anyone as a driver.

There are no fairy tale endings in this story. For as we rush to dismantle the structures of old, good people get sucked into the maelstrom. And there’s no life preserver to rescue them.

This is the cost of disruption. It’s real and it’s raw. And we are directly responsible for causing it, through complicity alone.

This is a discomforting reality to face. But face it, we must.

So, what can we do to fill this void? To reconcile our participation in the modern-day Torch and Pitchfork Mobs?

We can start by being more conscientious. By looking wholeheartedly at the toll our seemingly altruistic ambitions bring. And by doing what we can to ease the burden placed upon those we displace, such as venerable cab drivers.

This approach will get us out of our comfort zone. But it will also ensure that no one is left behind.

And that’s the type of disruption that can truly change the world for the better.

Be Better

Tis the season for resolutions.

As the holidays wind down and the calendar resets, many are planning on reinventing themselves. On pursuing ambitious goals and improving their self-worth.

Count me out.

For years, I’ve railed against New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve never understood why we let something as arbitrary as a calendar change affect our actions. Why we let the ticking of a clock serve as our compass, instead of following our heart.

We are not robots. Yet we seek to reprogram ourselves every time the days get short, and the guilt of holiday indulgence sets in.

So, we commit ourselves to crazy goals. Commitments we’ll break within three weeks.

There’s a better approach. One that can yield better and more consistent results. And all it takes is commitment to two words:

Be Better.

It’s ridiculously simple, yet amazingly complex.

You see, by committing ourselves to these words, we hold ourselves accountable. We require ourselves to show up each and every day with a singular mission: Improve on yesterday.

How we go about doing that is our business. But we will ultimately find ourselves making incremental improvements each day.

Why? Because that’s the only path forward.

We might be enthralled by the quick fix, the growth hack, the express elevator. After all, society and technology have hard-wired us to believe that we can have whatever we want in an instant.

But it’s all an illusion.

When it comes to self-improvement, slow and steady is the only way. For this is a continuous process. One that can be painfully monotonous, yet effective.

Living into this process can yield success. But that takes a mindset shift.

It takes us abandoning our illusion of grandeur in favor of the 10 feet in front of us. Something that we’re naturally loathe to do.

Simon Sinek once said of Millennials, “It’s as if they’re standing at the foot of a mountain, and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world, which is the summit. What they don’t see is the mountain.”

It’s not just Millennials with this selective blindness. We all have it to some degree. It’s why we have resolutions in the first place. And it’s why we let the calendar dictate our lives.

If we really want to break the chain, — to realize true self-improvement — we must open our eyes.

We must focus on the journey more than the destination. We must accept the challenge of taking a million baby steps, rather than a moon leap. We must embrace a process that, by definition, will never be complete.

We must live into two powerful words, day in, day out.

Be better.

Will you?

The Sweetness of Serendipity

Many of the events of our lives can be attributed to serendipity.

We might call it luck, fortune or God’s will. Regardless of the nomenclature, it all converges on the same theme.

Being in the right place at the right time is everything.

If that explanation seems like too vague and simplistic, consider this:

The one constant in our world is motion. The earth orbits the sun yearly, and spins on its axis hundreds of times during that journey. The water that sustains us flows through streams, oceans, and our faucets. Air travels from one place to another — both as a fierce Arctic wind and a warm summer breeze.

And the one constant in our lives is motion. Blood flows through our veins, ideas flow through our minds, and — to the degree that we are physically able — we flow from one location to another in search of shelter, entertainment or prosperity.

With all these forces in motion, collisions are inevitable. We collide both with forces of nature and forces of humanity. It’s a side effect of an environment where nothing is truly in suspense.

Over time, we learn how to handle these encounters. We dress for the elements and learn social etiquette. What was once profound quickly becomes routine.

How quickly we forget the power of these collisions. And the ability they have to define our lives.

Because the path we take is not a matter of fate. It’s a matter of circumstance. Of taking those random encounters and turning them into something fortuitous.

That is the essence of serendipity. The essence of our life’s story. No more, no less.

So why do we keep looking for a higher explanation? On finding patterns in the stars or answers in the heavens?

The answer comes down to one word: Control.

You see, we are obsessed with controlling our outcomes. On free will and the pursuit of happiness. We’ve built an entire society upon these principles, and forged our dispositions upon them.

But it’s all an illusion. In reality, much of what happens in our lives is beyond our control. It’s unpredictable, yet still impactful.

We don’t know how to rationalize these random occurrences. So, we try and fit the square peg into a round hole. We key in on patterns. We speak of fates aligning. We do all we can to regain control of the profound.

There’s a better way to react. Instead of trying to predict the next serendipitous moment, we should prepare ourselves to pounce on it. To treat it as an opportunity and to capitalize accordingly.

For that is where the rubber meets the road on our life’s story. We may not control serendipity, but we can take full ownership of its impact. We can use it to improve our fortunes and that of those around us.

That is where true success lies. That is where the serendipity tastes the sweetest.

The New Dynamics of Power

Power has long been a hot-button topic. But perhaps never more than now.

Many prominent male figures have fallen from grace, as details of their transgressions have come to light — in particular, when it comes to inappropriate dealings with women in the workplace. Another autocrat has ascended to the Highest Office in the Land, and used his position (and social media) as a bully pulpit.

From armchair psychologists to Dr. Phil, there are plenty of people trying to figure out what’s going on. Does power give men an air of entitlement? Is a culture of pig-headed behavior in male dominated hotbeds such as Hollywood and Silicon Valley to blame? Are people naturally bad, and does empowerment simply provide them license to act in the disturbing ways they so often do?

The truth may lie in the answers to these questions. But I have a different theory.

I believe fear is what leads to this behavior. Fear of power, to be specific.

You see, we’re hard-wired to avoid gravitating toward positions of influence for two reasons.

  1. The expectations for leadership are too lofty. Living up to the standard is therefore an exercise in futility.
  2. History is filled with cautionary tales of how leaders have fallen victim to their own success. Namely, success leads to greed, which then leads to a swift downfall.

This toxic combination has led to a leadership void. People are hesitant to consider themselves leaders, because they’re terrified of the burden that comes with it.

Yet, plenty of people do rise to positions of power and influence. This is a natural function of a society obsessed with The Next Big Thing. So, we have plenty of people thrust into a position that they’re not ready for. One they’re actually terrified of, deep down inside.

The results of this conundrum are actually quite predictable. When we’re scared, we act irrationally, even immorally. So, when a person assumes a power position they secretly fear, there’s a good chance they’ll behave irresponsibly. And there’s a good chance that they’ll leave plenty of people as collateral damage along the way.

It’s a vicious cycle. One with no beneficiary.

So, what can we do to break the chain?

We can flip the script about what power means.

Instead of talking about the dangers of power, we can focus on the light it brings. On the opportunity to make a positive impact in the lives of others by using our influence to help put them first.

By focusing on the power of We, Not Me, we can make the concept of power more altruistic. And we can make the objectives associated with it more attainable for those who aspire to inspire.

With the new dynamics of power in place, we’ll be less likely to fear all that comes with positions of influence. And we’ll be less likely to tarnish the lives of others with our irresponsible actions.

So, let’s rediscover the magic in empowering others through our influence. The world will be a better place for it, and our closets will have fewer skeletons.

And that’s change we can all believe in.

The Fine Line of Modesty

If there’s one attribute that’s universally commended, it’s modesty.

The value of remaining humble and reserved has persisted across the sands of time.

After all, modesty is the polar opposite of hubris. And we have countless cautionary tales — from Icarus to Macbeth — of how our own ego can lead to our downfall.

By contrast, modesty is safe. It makes us homogeneous and relatable. It adheres us to the tribe. It provides a subtle, yet powerful script to follow.

Our society certainly buys into the power this attribute holds. We love to toast the modest and roast the egotistical. We encourage others to be down to earth and love our neighbors.

Modesty is the gold standard. That which we’re expected to continually strive for.

But by placing it above all else, we walk a fine line — the line between modesty and imposter syndrome.

What is imposter syndrome? It’s a condition that causes us to doubt our accomplishments. To question our worthiness of the praise we receive.

It’s the indelible belief that we’re a fraud, and it’s only a matter of time until people find out and expose us for what we are.

I’ve battled this condition before, and many accomplished people have as well.

Of course, these doubts are entirely ludicrous. We are worthy of our accomplishments. By and large, we’re not frauds or impostors.

So, why are so many of us convinced otherwise?

It goes back to our societal infatuation with modesty.

Think about what modesty truly stands for. There are many possible answers, yet one seems particularly pertinent.

Deference.

Yes, we place great value on deferring to others. On sharing with them and empowering them. We demand these principles out of our leaders as much as we anticipate it from their followers.

This is the principle that allows us to enact sustainable power structures — those which guide us in the right direction without losing the peace.

Since deference is so critical, it’s only natural that we lean heavily toward modesty — the philosophy that espouses it more than any other. We’re expected to value the opinions and expertise of others ahead of our own. To be aware of how small our role is in the grander scheme of things.

But the weight of these expectations can make us too deferential. It can cause us to defer our own values, to question our own self-worth. It can spur us to retreat when those around us are looking to us to contribute.

It can make us feel like imposters, when we’re anything but.

What’s the way out of this conundrum?

Well, as with any situation that toes a fine line, the answer is not clear cut. Yet, there is something out there that can help ease the burden we place upon ourselves.

A commitment to positive recognition.

If we take the time to recognize each other for our accomplishments, we’ll no longer feel like ants masquerading as giants.

If we spend private moments of introspection considering what we bring to the table, we’ll start to realize we belong.

This will be far from a cut-and-dry process. After all, those who display modesty are hard-wired to deflect praise.

But through enough time and commitment, we can share the message that no matter how modest we are, our contributions matter.

We can proclaim, for once and for all, that we belong.

And there’s no modesty needed for that.

Honor In Humility

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. And as longtime Words of the West readers know, I’m not one to gloss over that fact.

No, while many are excited to get a jump on their holiday shopping or decorate their homes in lights, I’m very much in the moment.

Thanksgiving means more than Family, Food and Football. It means reflecting on all we have to be thankful for.

It’s about gratitude. It’s about appreciation. It’s about humility.

These aren’t emotions we naturally wear on our chest. Mac Davis once sang “Lord, it’s hard to be humble,” and we’ve done little to dispute that claim since then. The rapid rise of tech entrepreneurs and the myth of the self-made man have fooled us into believing that success is solely in our hands.

It’s not.

Truth be told, many people play a supporting role in our life’s work. It starts with our parents, who take care of us when we’re too young to do so ourselves. It continues with our teachers, who help us expand our mind. Then come friends and significant others, who lift us up on an emotional level. And finally, there are all those who provide us opportunities, and allow us to build the life we want.

Think we’d be where we are without any of this? No chance.

Yet, we find it difficult to admit this. At least publicly.

I’m not sure why that is. Is it ego? Pride?

Regardless of the answer, Thanksgiving gets us back to our senses.

It reminds us that there’s actually great honor in humility. In being introspective on our own vulnerability and appreciative of all those who led us through the fire.

It demonstrates that we’re all part of something bigger. That our stories are intertwined and those connections are what truly matter.

I wish we took the time to recognize these principles more than once a year. That allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. To be grateful. To put others first.

But as it is, I’m glad there’s a moment between Halloween Candy and Christmas Trees when we can do all this. When we can rediscover the honor in humility and share it with the ones who matter to us most.

This year, let’s make sure that moment doesn’t pass us by.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Given or Gotten?

As we seek to improve our standing in life, we essentially have two options.

We can wait for things to be handed to us, or we can work at getting them ourselves.

Both methods can get results, at least in theory. But one rings true, and the other rings hollow.

It makes more sense to go after the life we want than it does to wait for it to be handed to us.

There’s some sweat equity in going for our goals, to be sure. But this method provides more control over our destiny.

Many people do follow this path, and see great results from it. But plenty of others shun it, for a couple reasons.

First off, the idea of getting what we want is all too often interpreted as denying someone else what’s theirs. This has led to a culture of abuse and male dominance. An ugly culture that has come into the limelight due to sexual assault and harassment scandals in the sports and entertainment world.

Getting what we want for ourselves should never be a zero-sum game. It should instead be an intensely personal process. A process that empowers us to take control of our own lives to improve our situation. A process that implores us to up our effort, knowledge and skill set in order to attain the goal we set for ourselves.

It’s about stoking the fire within. It’s about finding self-power, not exerting power over others to improve one’s standing.

Those who find success by scrapping for it generally recognize this key differentiation, and stay on the clean side of it. But many people see the entire process as dirty, and steer clear of it.

This leads to the second objection. Going after what we want is often viewed as a needless exercise. Why get down in the dirt for something, when you can just wait to be handed it instead?

This approach is far from delusional. After all, we see it in action each time we get a paycheck. We fulfill our work obligations with the expectation that the money we earned will be headed our way on payday.

The problem arises when we try and expand this thinking to other aspects of our lives. It makes us look like we lack inspiration. And it places control of our hopes and dreams in another’s hands.

Why on earth do we think this is a good idea?

It’s time we get real. It’s time we stop hitching our future successes to the benevolence of others. It’s time we recognize that while Santa Claus might give kids the gifts they want, he doesn’t go around handing adults the life they dream of.

It’s time we get gritty. It’s time we focus in on what we want and then roll up our sleeves and get after it. It’s time that we get comfortable with making short-term sacrifices to serve long-term benefits.

It’s time we get smart. It’s time we devote ourselves to learning new skills and honing existing ones. It’s time we recognize he dual power of patience and persistence, and swing that balance in our favor.

Most of all, it’s time we take control. It’s our life and our future. We must be in the driver’s seat for this journey.

For the best things in life are not given. They’re gotten.

Beating The Odds

Few phrases are as overdone as Beating the odds.

It seems as if this phrase comes out anytime someone overcomes a significant challenge. There’s seemingly always some mention of how the odds were stacked against that person, yet they overcame them anyway.

The parlance is used so frequently, in fact, that there’s never even a need to dust it off.

The implications of this statement are clear. Someone has done something unlikely and significant, and should be lauded for it.

Yet, the dramatic nature of the phrase Beating the odds belies one important fact.

The person was likely to overcome the challenge they faced. They were just more likely to succumb to it.

This might sound like a small detail, but hear me out.

We live in a world of polarization. It’s acceptable to accentuate differences in lifestyle choices, sports allegiances or politics. And words such as never and always are part of our everyday vocabulary.

We capitalize on extremes because it garners attention. And the debates we have with those with opposing viewpoints get the blood flowing and make us feel alive.

But extending this behavior to the narratives we tell — of ourselves or those we admire — is a fallacy.

You see, as long as our hearts are beating, we have a chance of doing something extraordinary, regardless how slim that chance might be.

Where there is a will, there is a way. So, every day provides us an opportunity to overcome an adverse situation or perform a notable feat.

It’s not always easy, but it’s certainly within the realm of possibility.

All too often, we forget this simple mathematical fact, and act as if the improbable feat we witnessed took the world off its axis.

And that’s just plain wrong.

Let us not forget why odds are out there in the first place. They’re designed so that others can handicap our future, and determine our destiny.

These people benefit by having these odds in place. But we’re no better off.

Why let them determine our fate? Our lives are our own, after all. What’s plausible should have no impact on what’s possible.

So, let’s change the conversation.

Let’s consider each day as a stepping stone as we work on achieving our hopes and dreams. Let’s focus on what’s in our realm of possibility and ignore any outside noise telling us how unlikely it might be.

Above all, let’s focus on our accomplishments. Both those behind us and those yet to come.

Odds are, that’s a better outlook to take.