Dylan Brooks | Words of the West

The Decentering Advantage

Off the mark.

Regardless of our disposition, those are three words we don’t like to hear.

It means something’s askew. Something’s not as it should be.

This sensation doesn’t sit well with us. So, we seek a cure for it.

We set out to figure out why.

All too often, this means finding the culprit and taking corrective action. Doing so gets us to the three magic words we like a whole lot more: Back on track.

We use this framework to solve problems all the time. It’s efficient and actionable. But it features one major flaw.

Subjectivity.

You see, when something is off the mark, malice is seldom to blame. We don’t all walk around looking to stab each other in the back. No, we thrive on the concepts of trust and community. And we have done so since the earliest days of humanity, when mortal danger lurked around every corner.

So, if malicious intent is not at the root of a missed target, what is? More than likely, you can chalk up these mishaps to misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings are inherently subjective. They’re byproducts of misaligned perspectives between people.

These occurrences are perfectly natural. We each have different programming between the ears. We view the world in our own unique way.

Sometimes these visions don’t sync up with the results we observe. And we find ourselves deeply disappointed.

In these moments, the objective search for truth doesn’t work. Finding the culprit and taking corrective action does nothing except cause further collateral damage — such as bad blood, mistrust and general divisiveness.

We need to stop making misunderstandings a personal quest for vengeance. And start considering the person on the other side of the equation.

We need to decenter.

What is decentering?

It’s viewing the world from a perspective other than your own. And then using that viewpoint to find a productive solution.

Essentially, it’s taking a sledgehammer to The Blame Game, and finding a resolution upon the common ground of objectivity instead.

Now, it can be a challenge putting this strategy into motion. We’re not wired to go from me to we, to abandon our perspective in favor of another’s.

After all, a sense of pride and righteousness is at the heart of most of our conflicts. We have such conviction in our beliefs that we make disagreements personal. We treat our viewpoint as fact and declare war on those who might see the situation differently.

Stepping outside of this foxhole requires us to recognize the solution is bigger than ourselves. That our perspective might even be fueling the inferno in the first place.

It requires us to eat some humble pie, and detach ourselves from our entrenched beliefs. All for the greater good.

This is not a natural leap for us to take. Yet, it’s a critical one.

For once we can truly view the world through the perspectives of others, it can change everything. It can make us more conscientious, more empathetic and more action-oriented.

And this, in turn, can keep us from missing the mark.

Everybody wins.

So, let’s resolve to decenter today. It can deliver a brighter tomorrow for everyone.

Be Informed

There’s a message I see each time I put on my dress shoes.

It’s written right on the shoe trees I keep inside them when they’re not on my feet. And it reads, An educated consumer is our best customer.

Now, at first glance, this might seem more than a bit pretentious. Especially when it’s written on an accessory to formalwear — one of the ultimate indicators of elitism.

Yet, I think the message resonates for all of us — regardless of our attire choices or discretionary income.

There is always more we can do to stay informed. In our society, knowledge is power. And regardless of our economic standing, we have access to it.

The ability to stay informed is a gift we shouldn’t pass up. Because it wasn’t always available to everyone.

In years past, it was much more difficult for many people to access information. There were illiteracy barriers, access barriers and financial barriers — all of which prevented a large segment of society from staying informed.

These barriers drove a wedge within society. Not only did the elite have more power, influence and money, but they also had the ability to continually stay up to date. And they could use the information they gleaned to maintain their privileged position.

As the generations passed, this wedge only widened. And it led to the sizable income and opportunity inequalities present in virtually every country.

Yet today, things are different. Technology has provided billions of people access to real time information. Smartphones and high-speed Internet — futuristic fantasies when I was a child — are now globally mainstream.

And the way we gather information has changed as well. Literacy is recommended, yet not required. Videos and images are ever more popular, and the Internet allows people to access them on-demand, without paying for a TV.

But with the power of access comes added responsibility. The responsibility of staying informed.

We must be educated consumers of the information at our fingertips in order to be the best customers of our society.

No, our society is not a department store. And aside from taxes, we don’t pay for its services.

But it is a marketplace of ideas, connection and opportunity.

We have an opportunity to leverage this marketplace for our betterment. To close the gap the longstanding informational divide between Haves and Have Nots.

Taking advantage of that opportunity starts with being informed.

It starts with being actively curious. With taking the time to seek out a diverse range of perspectives. To avoid relying solely on the biased bubbles of our sphere of influence.

It starts with being deliberate. With taking in all the relevant information we can in order to make the best decisions.

And it starts with being intentional. With making self-education part of our daily routine, and our identity.

Yes, information is one of the best tools in the shed. But it only works for us if we pick it up and use it.

Make the commitment.

Be informed.

Under Control

What do you think of when you hear the word Control?

Odds are, the connotation is negative.

Maybe you think of power. Or dominance. Or micromanagement. Or manipulation. Or just someone who’s way too uptight.

Perhaps the label Control Freak comes to mind. Or the word Bossy.

In any case, the message is clear. Control can make monsters of men. And it’s hardly anyone’s redeeming quality.

It’s a shame we villainize the concept of control like this. For in a wild world, it can actually be our best ally.

It can protect us (and those around us) from undesirable outcomes. It can take some of the randomness out of life’s journey. And it can provide us with some semblance of direction when it comes to navigating our destiny.

These benefits have encouraged me to embrace the notion of control. To consider myself a Control Enthusiast. (Kudos to National Car Rental for coining that term.)

I see no shame or malice in this behavior. In my view, this is the only way I can truly influence my life’s journey.

Think about life for a moment. All the experiences we encounter are just a series of causes and effects. Of inputs and outputs.

Those outputs — or effects — are the results we get. The situations we find ourselves in. And those inputs are the actions that get us to that point.

When it comes to navigating this cause-effect construct, there are two predominant schools of thought. Some people ignore the cause entirely, and adapt to the effect. Others try and influence the causes, in order to drive the desired effects.

Control enthusiasts tend to lean toward the second strategy.

We obsess on the details of those causes and inputs. We navigate them with pinpoint precision.

We do this not out of a sense of paranoia, but rather out of a sense of logic.

You see, there’s a tendency to blame unsavory outcomes we all encounter on randomness. On bad luck or unforeseen circumstances.

But while misfortune certainly plays a role in the bad outcomes we must reconcile with in our lives, it might not be the leading one. In fact, there’s a pretty good chance that we had some say over at least some of the inputs that caused the undesired result.

That is to say, there are some things we likely could have done to reduce the chances of the outcome we ultimately encountered.

For instance, let’s say we return to our parked car after a night out and find the windows shattered and our laptop gone. We could determine in that moment that the fates are lined up against us. But it will likely be more productive to consider what we could have done to prevent the break-in. Maybe we could have parked in a safer and better lit area. Or not left our laptop in the vehicle unattended.

Or let’s say we get sick after spending three hours at a late-season football game. We can blame the crowd for spreading germs. Or we could consider how our choice of attire might have impacted our health.

The implications are clear. In both cases, we could have taken steps to better the outcome.

As they say, The less we leave to chance, the less chance we’ll get bit in the…rear end.

Now, of course, being a control enthusiast won’t solve all problems. There are times when we must cede control to others. There are moments when we must place our trust in them to attain the optimal results. It can be difficult to impossible for control enthusiasts to do this without making a ruckus. And these outbursts tarnish public acceptance of controlled behavior.

Fortunately, technology now provides us with some middle ground. Control enthusiasts can now track their checked luggage from origin to destination, thanks to a feature on most airlines’ smartphone apps. And smart doorbells allow control enthusiasts to monitor their home’s front door from hundreds of miles away.

These advancements don’t wipe away the need for trust. After all, something can easily go wrong when we’re physically separated from our homes or luggage. But they do provide control enthusiasts with peace of mind.

Thanks to these tech solutions, there are fewer unknown variables to control enthusiasts to account for. And they can easily read and react to any issues that do arise, instead of wasting effort trying to figure out what went wrong.

Hopefully, these advancements will help change the stigma around control. Hopefully they will empower others to take command of their lives, to take responsibility for the outcomes they have a hand in.

Because a society of control enthusiasts might not be a bad thing after all. It could create a culture of empathy, compassion and common purpose.

That’s a culture worth pursuing. Let’s make it happen.

Read and React

According to plan.

We cling to these words like gospel. We strive to stay on schedule, on point, on task. To proceed down the path we’re intended to follow.

If everything goes according to plan, life is good. But all too often, it doesn’t. After all, the saying goes, “God laughs at your plans.”

When things go awry, we find ourselves in a world of trouble. Suddenly, we have 99 problems and can’t even solve one.

Why do we put ourselves through this dance? In part because we can’t bear the alternative.

We can’t stand to live in the moment.

There’s a stigma to living in the moment. One that states those who choose to live this way must throw all cares and responsibilities away.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Sure, there are some people who approach life with a Key West attitude. But most people don’t have that luxury. Most people have families, occupations and other pressing concerns to tend to.

Yet even with these concerns, these people can adopt a Live in the Moment mentality — assuming they approach it the right way.

How so?

By following the Read and React framework.

If you’ve played chess — or football — you’re likely familiar with the Read and React framework. It requires looking at the situation around you and then reacting accordingly in the moment.

While Read and React doesn’t prepare you for what’s coming ahead of time, it does the next best thing. It helps you control the outcome.

By practicing these principles time and again, we become more proficient at reacting to an increasing number of situations — or Reads, if you will. We become seemingly unflappable and action-driven.

Even in the wake of unpredictable outcomes, we can remain prepared. Prepared to respond. Prepared to capitalize. Prepared to lead.

Many of us practice the Read and React framework in our occupations — particularly if we work in a volatile profession. For example, I used it daily while working as a TV news producer. Practicing the framework helped me better adjust to the unpredictable nature of news — and therefore become better at my job.

So why not carry the same principles over to our lives?

After all, everyday life is chock full of unpredictability. Aside from the sun rising in the east and setting in the west, it’s one of the few things we can count on.

Why waste our energy and effort planning every detail of our lives? All that guarantees us is angst and stress when things inevitably go off track.

Instead, why don’t we live in the moment? Why don’t we change our approach to read what’s going on around us and then react accordingly?

It takes less effort to do this than it does to make plans that might never come to fruition. And we’ll be better prepared to handle life’s frequent surprises with poise and precision.

This process will make us more Zen. More relaxed. More pleasant to be around.

In short, it will lead to more positive outcomes.

What’s not to like?

Now, of course, we can’t live in the moment all the time. Planning remains critical for several aspects of our lives.

But let’s keep it to that.

Let’s plan only in situations where it’s only absolutely necessary, and Read and React to everything else.

We’ll be better for it.

Acting With Intention

What are your intentions?

We don’t often hear these words. But when we do, it’s safe to assume there’s a healthy bit of skepticism associated with them.

The mission is unclear — or perhaps unwanted — for the person asking the question. It’s on us to open the curtain and show what we’re really up to.

This cat-and-mouse game makes intentionality a taboo subject. Declaring our intentions outright sets us past the Point of No Return, where we must own our choices and their consequences outright. With this in mind, we prefer to keep our cards close to the vest whenever possible.

It seems like the safe play. But illusions can be deceiving.

You see, hiding our intentions is a lot like hedging our bets. It leads us to cede control in order to avoid responsibility.

When we’re not held accountable for our every action, we feel secure. We can go through our daily routines carefree — as if we’re floating on the clouds. All the while oblivious to how vulnerable we actually are.

For as peaceful as things might look in this scenario, we’re bound to encounter some turbulent moments in our lives. There will be some times where things just aren’t going our way.

When we come across these moments, it doesn’t really matter who or what’s to blame. Our sudden misfortune wipes the smile from our face and puts us in a bad mood instantly.

It turns out all the work we’ve done to avoid ownership of the situation doesn’t actually help us feel better at all when things go south. If anything, it makes us feel weak and helpless.

This is why it’s far better to act with intention whenever possible. To determine our purpose and then deliver on it with everything we do.

This is far from a simple process. After all, intentionality requires a continual commitment between the ears. A laser focus on purpose throughout the dozens of tasks we take on each day.

And this is far from a flawless process. Things will still go awry from time to time. And when they do, we will have to take a long look into the mirror to determine why.

But all that said, this is a critical process. For it gives us the power to better write our narrative. To go after what we seek, instead of waiting for it to be handed to us. To control many of the variables in our daily lives, and better react to those which we can’t control.

Yes, intentionality is a key concept in life. And one that can serve as a huge differentiator.

So, let’s go ahead and find that vigor for what lies ahead of us. Let’s embrace it with a renewed sense of purpose, and a laser-sharp sense of focus.

Let’s act with intention.

On Disruption

On a recent ride in a New York City taxi, I asked the driver how he was doing.

“Not great,” he admitted. “Business has been slow. Uber is killing us.”

He then detailed all the ways the rideshare giant has made his job more difficult, his taxi medallion less valuable.

The troubles stretch far beyond Uber’s cut-rate prices, he explained. The allure of easy fares has flooded the streets with competing drivers — many of whom have a poor grip on New York geography and get lost constantly as a result.

Some of these confused Uber drivers ferry people around as a side hustle; others drive after getting fired from their day jobs. Either way, the result is the same. More traffic congestion, more accidents and more headaches for those who have decades of experience driving the street in the familiar yellow sedans.

When I mentioned that city leaders could take action against this new wave of rideshare drivers, the cab driver told me they already tried to.

“Uber won the court case,” he said. “They’re here to stay.”

My mind took me back home to Dallas for a moment. I thought about the new logo I’ve seen plastered on the back of most taxis there recently.

The logo is for the Curb app, which allows customers to hail a cab from their smartphone. It’s a neat innovation, but in the Ridesharing Era, it’s a day late and a dollar short. A solution that doesn’t fully account for the problem.

You see, Uber didn’t take off by perfecting the taxi experience. By making it cheaper or more efficient.

No, it took off because it reinvented the entire way we approach travel. Just like Airbnb reinvented the entire way we approach hospitality, or Apple reinvented the way we use our mobile phones.

This is what disruption is all about. It’s why it works time and again.

The Curb app shows just how blind disrupted industries are to the siege outside their windows. It underscores why we actively seek out the next disruption. Why we antagonize The Way It Is in favor of The Way It Could Be.

Yet, we must be careful with this approach. Because much gets sacrificed in the crossfire.

No one is shedding a tear for the demise of payphones or CDs. These items were bulky and inconvenient. Using them required an annoying amount of planning and effort. Their disruptor — smartphones with streaming capabilities — proved to be far superior.

Yet, we should be more cautious when evaluating the impact of the Rideshare Era. Yes, catching an Uber can be more enjoyable or affordable than taking a cab. But by riding the wave of disruption, we leave many cab drivers in the dust.

These drivers have worked tirelessly to make a living for themselves, and made huge sacrifices just to get that opportunity. They’ve proven their worth — only to see the rug pulled out from under them by an upstart who will accept nearly anyone as a driver.

There are no fairy tale endings in this story. For as we rush to dismantle the structures of old, good people get sucked into the maelstrom. And there’s no life preserver to rescue them.

This is the cost of disruption. It’s real and it’s raw. And we are directly responsible for causing it, through complicity alone.

This is a discomforting reality to face. But face it, we must.

So, what can we do to fill this void? To reconcile our participation in the modern-day Torch and Pitchfork Mobs?

We can start by being more conscientious. By looking wholeheartedly at the toll our seemingly altruistic ambitions bring. And by doing what we can to ease the burden placed upon those we displace, such as venerable cab drivers.

This approach will get us out of our comfort zone. But it will also ensure that no one is left behind.

And that’s the type of disruption that can truly change the world for the better.

Be Better

Tis the season for resolutions.

As the holidays wind down and the calendar resets, many are planning on reinventing themselves. On pursuing ambitious goals and improving their self-worth.

Count me out.

For years, I’ve railed against New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve never understood why we let something as arbitrary as a calendar change affect our actions. Why we let the ticking of a clock serve as our compass, instead of following our heart.

We are not robots. Yet we seek to reprogram ourselves every time the days get short, and the guilt of holiday indulgence sets in.

So, we commit ourselves to crazy goals. Commitments we’ll break within three weeks.

There’s a better approach. One that can yield better and more consistent results. And all it takes is commitment to two words:

Be Better.

It’s ridiculously simple, yet amazingly complex.

You see, by committing ourselves to these words, we hold ourselves accountable. We require ourselves to show up each and every day with a singular mission: Improve on yesterday.

How we go about doing that is our business. But we will ultimately find ourselves making incremental improvements each day.

Why? Because that’s the only path forward.

We might be enthralled by the quick fix, the growth hack, the express elevator. After all, society and technology have hard-wired us to believe that we can have whatever we want in an instant.

But it’s all an illusion.

When it comes to self-improvement, slow and steady is the only way. For this is a continuous process. One that can be painfully monotonous, yet effective.

Living into this process can yield success. But that takes a mindset shift.

It takes us abandoning our illusion of grandeur in favor of the 10 feet in front of us. Something that we’re naturally loathe to do.

Simon Sinek once said of Millennials, “It’s as if they’re standing at the foot of a mountain, and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world, which is the summit. What they don’t see is the mountain.”

It’s not just Millennials with this selective blindness. We all have it to some degree. It’s why we have resolutions in the first place. And it’s why we let the calendar dictate our lives.

If we really want to break the chain, — to realize true self-improvement — we must open our eyes.

We must focus on the journey more than the destination. We must accept the challenge of taking a million baby steps, rather than a moon leap. We must embrace a process that, by definition, will never be complete.

We must live into two powerful words, day in, day out.

Be better.

Will you?

The Sweetness of Serendipity

Many of the events of our lives can be attributed to serendipity.

We might call it luck, fortune or God’s will. Regardless of the nomenclature, it all converges on the same theme.

Being in the right place at the right time is everything.

If that explanation seems like too vague and simplistic, consider this:

The one constant in our world is motion. The earth orbits the sun yearly, and spins on its axis hundreds of times during that journey. The water that sustains us flows through streams, oceans, and our faucets. Air travels from one place to another — both as a fierce Arctic wind and a warm summer breeze.

And the one constant in our lives is motion. Blood flows through our veins, ideas flow through our minds, and — to the degree that we are physically able — we flow from one location to another in search of shelter, entertainment or prosperity.

With all these forces in motion, collisions are inevitable. We collide both with forces of nature and forces of humanity. It’s a side effect of an environment where nothing is truly in suspense.

Over time, we learn how to handle these encounters. We dress for the elements and learn social etiquette. What was once profound quickly becomes routine.

How quickly we forget the power of these collisions. And the ability they have to define our lives.

Because the path we take is not a matter of fate. It’s a matter of circumstance. Of taking those random encounters and turning them into something fortuitous.

That is the essence of serendipity. The essence of our life’s story. No more, no less.

So why do we keep looking for a higher explanation? On finding patterns in the stars or answers in the heavens?

The answer comes down to one word: Control.

You see, we are obsessed with controlling our outcomes. On free will and the pursuit of happiness. We’ve built an entire society upon these principles, and forged our dispositions upon them.

But it’s all an illusion. In reality, much of what happens in our lives is beyond our control. It’s unpredictable, yet still impactful.

We don’t know how to rationalize these random occurrences. So, we try and fit the square peg into a round hole. We key in on patterns. We speak of fates aligning. We do all we can to regain control of the profound.

There’s a better way to react. Instead of trying to predict the next serendipitous moment, we should prepare ourselves to pounce on it. To treat it as an opportunity and to capitalize accordingly.

For that is where the rubber meets the road on our life’s story. We may not control serendipity, but we can take full ownership of its impact. We can use it to improve our fortunes and that of those around us.

That is where true success lies. That is where the serendipity tastes the sweetest.

The Plight of the Introvert

I am an introvert.

Four simple words. One simple fact.

But one that’s exceedingly difficult for me to share with the world.

Why does the prospect of explaining my personality to a room of 60 people — as I did recently — feel like a special kind of torture? Why is conveying who I am — and how I am — so gut-wrenching?

The answer cuts to the core of what introversion is.

You see, introverts must navigate an alternate reality, one that runs counter to the social norms that define our society. In a world where we’re expected to connect with one another through sharing, we introverts tend to keep our cards close to the vest.

Our guardedness is not a symptom of skepticism. It’s more a reflection of the manner in which think.

For the mind of an introvert is hardly ever at rest. It’s constantly cranking out permutations and observations related to make sense of the world. This process plants the seeds for the innovations so many introverts create, but it also requires heavy internalization and intense solitude.

Yes, there’s a storm brewing in the mind of an introvert. But no one else can hear the thunder.

Introversion directly contradicts the key tenet of our culture, which demands that we collectively experience the noise. It’s a key reason why introverts are labeled with such dismissive terms as shy, quiet or withdrawn.

These descriptions are all wrong.

Take myself as an example. I enjoy having some time to myself. I find inspiration in silence. And I definitely have my shy moments.

But these attributes don’t define my life. The situation I’m in does.

Put me in a room full of strangers and I’ll freeze. But surround me with people I know and I’ll work the room.

The challenge of that duality is a plight the introvert must face. For while we thrive in the company of those we trust and understand, we find it difficult to build upon that base. Yet, the action of building a network is critical for success.

Overcoming this hurdle is not impossible. But it is challenging, exhausting and extremely unsettling. What seemingly comes easy to extroverts takes all an introvert has to give, and then some.

Let’s close that gap.

Let’s resolve collectively to better understand the nuances of introversion. Let’s accept these differences and build upon the common ground of empathy.

And let’s recognize that introverts must communicate their plight for others to understand it.

This is precisely why I am admitting my introversion with you today.

For once we view introversion is more than just a dismissive term, we become that much more dynamic. Once we celebrate our similarities and our differences, we become that much more powerful. And once we find common understanding, we become that much more successful.

This is the world I hope to build on and contribute to. But it’s on all of us to make that world possible. And that process starts right here, through acceptance and connection.

I am an introvert. Take me as I am.

The New Dynamics of Power

Power has long been a hot-button topic. But perhaps never more than now.

Many prominent male figures have fallen from grace, as details of their transgressions have come to light — in particular, when it comes to inappropriate dealings with women in the workplace. Another autocrat has ascended to the Highest Office in the Land, and used his position (and social media) as a bully pulpit.

From armchair psychologists to Dr. Phil, there are plenty of people trying to figure out what’s going on. Does power give men an air of entitlement? Is a culture of pig-headed behavior in male dominated hotbeds such as Hollywood and Silicon Valley to blame? Are people naturally bad, and does empowerment simply provide them license to act in the disturbing ways they so often do?

The truth may lie in the answers to these questions. But I have a different theory.

I believe fear is what leads to this behavior. Fear of power, to be specific.

You see, we’re hard-wired to avoid gravitating toward positions of influence for two reasons.

The expectations for leadership are too lofty. Living up to the standard is therefore an exercise in futility.
History is filled with cautionary tales of how leaders have fallen victim to their own success. Namely, success leads to greed, which then leads to a swift downfall.

This toxic combination has led to a leadership void. People are hesitant to consider themselves leaders, because they’re terrified of the burden that comes with it.

Yet, plenty of people do rise to positions of power and influence. This is a natural function of a society obsessed with The Next Big Thing. So, we have plenty of people thrust into a position that they’re not ready for. One they’re actually terrified of, deep down inside.

The results of this conundrum are actually quite predictable. When we’re scared, we act irrationally, even immorally. So, when a person assumes a power position they secretly fear, there’s a good chance they’ll behave irresponsibly. And there’s a good chance that they’ll leave plenty of people as collateral damage along the way.

It’s a vicious cycle. One with no beneficiary.

So, what can we do to break the chain?

We can flip the script about what power means.

Instead of talking about the dangers of power, we can focus on the light it brings. On the opportunity to make a positive impact in the lives of others by using our influence to help put them first.

By focusing on the power of We, Not Me, we can make the concept of power more altruistic. And we can make the objectives associated with it more attainable for those who aspire to inspire.

With the new dynamics of power in place, we’ll be less likely to fear all that comes with positions of influence. And we’ll be less likely to tarnish the lives of others with our irresponsible actions.

So, let’s rediscover the magic in empowering others through our influence. The world will be a better place for it, and our closets will have fewer skeletons.

And that’s change we can all believe in.

Author: Dylan Brooks