Have you ever loved something, but were afraid to fully admit it?
That’s how I’ve traditionally felt about writing.
The best way to describe my relationship with the art of writing over the years is It’s complicated.
You see, I’ve always had a knack for the written word. Putting words on paper has come easily to me.
And those words have struck a chord in others. I know this because of the comments people have shared with me on my writing, and the grades I have received on written assignments in school.
Writing my greatest natural talent. It is to me as basketball is to Michael Jordan, or string theory is to an astrophysicist.
Yet for many years, I resisted the label of writer. I tried to convince others that I was no different than anyone else when it came to putting words on paper.
Why was that? What was I afraid of?
That answer too is complicated.
Quite simply, there were many elements of writing that didn’t jibe with me.
First, I viewed writing as a solitary activity. One where you’re chained to your computer screen or the pages of a notebook. Earlier in my life, I wasn’t as comfortable with that solitude as I am now. Although I’m an introvert, I still wanted to be around people all the time back then.
Second, I had a healthy dose of imposter syndrome. I’ve long known that the best writers are voracious readers. But I’ve found reading books to be a challenge. Lengthy chapters and huge chunks of text have given me anxiety. They’ve caused me to lose my place and reread the same passage over and over again.
This deterred me from reading over the years. And since I didn’t read as much as I wrote, I considered myself a writing fraud.
Third, I didn’t see a future for myself in writing. Growing up, my parents implored me to consider becoming a journalist, but the thought of writing on a deadline for a living terrified me. I was worried I’d run out of story ideas, and get fired.
And I didn’t find the published author route appealing either. I knew didn’t have the creativity of a Dan Brown or a J.K. Rowling. I recognized I was more of a structured thinker than many great novelists, and rolling the dice on a book release every year or two would be dicey.
With all this in mind, I buried my writing talents. I focused on far-fetched dreams of playing professional baseball or directing movies.
By the end of my first semester of college, I realized these dreams were fantasies. I’d already been cut from my high school baseball team a few years before. And while I went to college as a film major, I quickly discovered that directing required the very creativity I lacked.
I was lost at a very vulnerable time in my life. I didn’t know where to turn for a career, I was surrounded by the distractions of college life, and I had no one to hold me accountable.
But writing saved me.
I’d already been volunteering with the weekly sports show at the campus TV station for a semester when I hit my crossroads. I signed up with the TV station because it gave me an opportunity to be involved with sports, which was my passion. But I quickly discovered a new passion — broadcast journalism.
I loved the process of taking sports news and writing it into small blurbs that could be read on air. I thoroughly enjoyed writing to video. And I felt great satisfaction formulating 30 second highlights that could evoke emotion within TV viewers.
Because of sports and television, I was back on speaking terms with writing again.
I quickly changed my major to broadcast journalism. I started volunteering for the news show at the TV station, and set my sights on becoming a TV news producer. And I did ultimately become a producer at the ABC affiliate in Midland, TX for my first three years of my post-college life.
Sadly, my passion for TV news waned after I had to cover some emotionally scarring news stories. I switched careers and became a digital marketer, at a time when content marketing was coming into vogue.
I leaned on my writing to gain a hold in my new career. I had little confidence in my marketing abilities at first, as I had no prior experience with the discipline. But I recognized that my writing talents were my gift, and that it was my obligation to share that gift with the world.
Still, I felt something was missing. There was so much more that I wanted to share through writing that didn’t fit within my job function. That’s what led me to create Words of the West.
When I launched Words of the West, I made a commitment. I committed to write a fresh article every week. I committed to open up and share my thoughts and reflections. I committed to use my unique talents to help make a difference.
It’s all come full circle. Everything I once feared about writing I now demand of myself.
Why? Because I love writing.
It turns out my talent is my passion. It just took me a long time to realize it.
But I’m so glad I finally did.