Sometimes, words carry extra weight.
Think of Abraham Lincoln delivering The Gettysburg Address. Ronald Reagan demanding Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall. Jim Valvano imploring Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.
These speeches have captivated our society. These words helped change our perspective and even altered the course of history.
They are powerful indeed.
But the most impactful words out there are actually quite simple: Thank you.
Thank you is brief and ubiquitous. We say it reflexively at times. We add it to our letters and emails by default.
Viewed this way, thank you looks like a formality. An expression of politeness, to be sure, but a formality nonetheless.
But don’t be fooled. These two words have a far deeper meaning than that.
In a world where we are quick to assert our independence, saying thank you indicates humility. It reminds us that we can only get so far on our own. And that the assistance of others is critical to our success.
Recognizing that, and expressing our appreciation, means everything.
In our culture of individualism, we all too often treat reliance on others as a sign of weakness.
As a compromising flaw in the human condition. As a bug in our software.
But reliance is no bug. It’s a feature.
We have relied on others throughout our history. As far back as ancient times, humans have banded together to avoid falling prey to lethal threats surrounding them.
Protecting the future of humanity has always been essential. And the best way to achieve that objective has been to avoid going it alone.
Even the earliest books of the Bible allude to this principle.
When Moses parted the Red Sea, he wasn’t simply going his own way. He was liberating his people from bondage.
Conversely, when Eve wandered alone in the Garden of Eden, she came upon the serpent of temptation. She bit into the forbidden apple, and humanity was cast out of paradise.
The lesson is stark. Going it alone is a recipe for disaster.
As I write this, Western society is fraught with unprecedented divisiveness.
Isolationism is at its peak, and polarization has poisoned public discourse. Facts are under attack, eclipsed by partisan theories and agendas.
Self-reliance is having a moment right now. And those Thank yous in our daily conversations and our email threads have never felt more hollow.
We don’t often think about the paradox this presents. After all, this behavior is now considered normal. And we find little inherent need to cross-examine normalcy.
But the irony grows thicker toward the end of the year, when gratitude is baked into our schedules.
In November, we celebrate those who serve in our military and then have a big meal in celebration of each other. In December, we shower each other with gifts before making a toast about the year to come.
It’s an intriguing eight-week run. One that causes us to reflect on what we have, why we have it and what we have to look forward to.
But our toxic divisiveness has turned this once-joyous period into a chore.
Appreciating veterans for their service has been turned into a litmus test for patriotism. Or a verdict on foreign policy.
Sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner now means going to battle with those at the table who have different views. Or perpetuating our filter bubble if no differences in opinion are present.
Unwrapping gifts on Christmas now means reviving the debate over whether America is a Christian nation. Even as the Constitution clearly separates religion from governance.
And ringing in the New Year now means lamenting how awful the prior year was, and approaching the new one with skepticism.
Our quest to reach self-reliance has reached its destination. And the misery it sows is now swallowing us whole.
We blame The Other for our plight. After all, is what the self-reliance playbook tells us to do.
But that only further deludes us from the truth.
Many years ago, a group of English settlers sat down for a feast on a chilly fall day.
The settlers had left England on some wooden ships, escaping religious persecution there. They crossed the Atlantic Ocean, hoping to land in the recently established Virginia territory and set up a colony there.
But this was centuries before GPS or motorized vessels, and the voyagers drifted off course. They ended up more than 500 miles up the coast from Virginia, in the region that would come to be known as Massachusetts.
The settlers were ill equipped for the frigid winters of the region, or the way the climate hardened the soil.
The attempts to go it alone had failed miserably. Many died of cold and starvation in that first winter. And the survivors seemed doomed to face the same fate, sooner or later.
Yet, the settlers reversed course. They turned to native tribes in the area for assistance in planting crops and building weather-resistant shelter.
Once the harvest was done, the settlers invited the natives to share in a feast of appreciation. A feast that is replicated each year. And one that will take place once again on the week I am writing about this.
Looking back now, this all seems quite remarkable. For we know what happened next.
The fledgling settlements in Virginia and Massachusetts grew into English colonies. Those colonies broke free of England and became the United States. The new nation expanded westward, the surge led by pioneers and frontiersmen out for their own interests. And native tribes like the ones who sat down for that first Thanksgiving dinner were villainized and confined to reservations.
Yes, our entire history has been defined by a divergence from that moment. From the point we thanked others for helping us survive to our current edict of Individualism-At-All-Costs.
We have forgotten our roots. We have abandoned the inclination to rely on each other, and to appreciate each other.
And in the process, we have become lost.
It doesn’t have to be this way.
The power to change our narrative remains in our hands.
We can start by expressing gratitude, as we do each year amongst heapings of turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce and pie.
But we must dig deeper.
We should consider what a Thank you represents. Namely, appreciation for the assistance of others.
We should swallow our pride, and stop running from this assistance. Instead, we should seek it out when we are in need. And we should return the favor to others in need.
These actions represent humanity at its most efficient. These actions show humanity at its best.
Gratitude can be the gateway to this ideal. But only if we open our hearts and our minds to the principles it espouses.
There is great power in thank you. It’s time that we start using it.