Successful people are simply those with successful habits.
These are the words of motivational speaker Brian Tracy.
I’m not a rabid follower of Tracy, Tony Robbins, or any other motivational speakers. But these words stick with me.
I’ve attributed much of the success I’ve enjoyed in my life to the habits I’ve built. Good fortune certainly played a role in the outcome, but good habits have put me in a better condition to capitalize on those strokes of luck.
Staying physically active has improved my overall health. Harboring curiosity has helped me grow within my profession. Embracing moments of reflection has made me a better writer. And devoting myself to cooking — rather than constantly ordering in — has provided fiscal and nutritional discipline.
Still, for all the good habits I have, there are some bad ones in there too.
I get hopelessly distracted on sunny weekend days, putting off tasks for hours as I daydream. I’ll often mindlessly watch sports on TV in the evening, rather than reading a book or cleaning my home. And I don’t get enough sleep.
The first two habits are somewhat trivial. But the third one is not.
As you’ve probably heard, we’re supposed to get about 8 hours of sleep a night. (The Mayo Clinic technically recommends 7 hours or more.) I don’t hit that number – just about ever.
If true success is a three-legged stool, I’m missing one leg. The physical fitness and mental acuity? They’re sharpened like steel blades. But the ability to recharge is sorely lacking.
What gives?
In a word, time.
It takes time to exercise our physical muscles, as well as our mental ones. It takes time to see to our nutrition, balance our finances, or put words on the page.
I happily devote much of my day to this. I’ll get up well before dawn to go running, and I’ll spend much of my evenings attending to writing, cooking, and other tasks. In between these times, I’m logging productive hours on the job.
This allotment of time helps me excel. But with only 24 hours in a day, it doesn’t leave me much room for shut-eye. I generally only get 5 to 6 hours of sleep a night — both on weeknights and weekends.
I know this is a problem. There are signs all over — the amount of caffeine I consume, the occasional moments when my mind goes blank.
And yet, I also know that fixing the issues requires tradeoffs. It would require me to take time away from my morning or evening routines. And that’s a sacrifice I’m not willing to make.
In my case, there’s no feasibility for the Mayo Clinic’s sleep ideals. So, I ignore them.
I bring up this example not to gloat or to throw shade on common advice. The Mayo Clinic is a reputable medical research organization. Its recommendations speak volumes and should be followed.
No, I bring all this up to illustrate that what’s ideal is not always realistic. And we are left to manage the misalignment.
I call this contradiction The Feasibility Gap. And it’s among the trickiest situations we must navigate.
The Feasibility Gap forces us to choose. To determine which desirable elements are non-negotiable, and which ones we can do without.
There is no roadmap to pilot us through these tradeoffs, and no silver lining for the decisions we ultimately make. The consequences are real, and they can be raw.
In my case, neglecting sleep occasionally affects my ability to function during the day. Over the long haul, my lack of recharge time could be a drag on my health. But those costs pale in comparison to the perceived benefits of an active lifestyle.
There are other contexts for this conundrum too.
For example, the perceived Holy Trinity of employment is finding a job that you love, that you’re good at and that compensates you well.
While checking all three boxes is the ideal, it rarely pans out that way in real life. The labor force is too competitive, interpersonal relations are too volatile and economics are too tricky for everyone to see this dream scenario.
Instead, we must reckon with what’s feasible, by determining which factors matter more than others.
Is our salary most important? Our job satisfaction? Our ability to perform at a high level?
Such determinations can vary from person to person. They can even vary with the same person over the course of time.
For example, I once valued passion for my profession and my job ability over my paycheck. But now, I value compensation and prowess over passion.
These value tradeoffs could leave me in a job that I don’t much care for. But I’m far more willing to deal with that possibility than I am to risk being underpaid or feeling in over my head.
There are no easy answers for these tradeoffs. But I’m confident about what I value most at work, in my lifestyle, and in a great many other places. They help me sleep soundly at night.
Even if I don’t sleep nearly enough.
There’s a narrative going around our society. One lionizing the idyllic lifestyle.
Everywhere we look, we see images of happy families in beautiful houses. The parents have ideal bodies, and they work in ideal professions. The kids are sporting ideal smiles.
Look at these images for long enough and we can get deluded. We can start thinking that success should come easily to us. That it should just flow.
This is, of course, not true. A lot of hard work factors into the equation. The glamour is a byproduct of the grit and grind.
But to get where we want to go, we must do more than give our best. We often must cross The Feasibility Gap. We must navigate uncertain waters and make tough choices.
In doing this, we will weave some rewards on the table. Just as I’ve sacrificed a full night’s sleep and the notion of making my passion my profession, we will need to reckon with real opportunity costs.
But in making these tough choices, in crossing this void, we will show courage. We will demonstrate character. And we will forge successful habits.
Isn’t that the goal in the first place?