Controlling What We Don’t Understand

The wind was whipping.

Fierce and determined, it swirled from left to right above our heads as we lined up to field fly balls.

One by one, we took our place in center field. One by one, we saw the ball hit our coach’s bat and head our direction. And one by one, we watched helplessly as the wind took hold of the ball, rocketing it toward left field.

It was frustrating seeing baseball after baseball hit the outfield grass, out of our reach. So, my teammates and I got desperate.

Some of us lined up a bit further to the right. Others ran toward left field at the crack of the bat, hoping to intercept the ball in flight. Still others attempted diving catches while on the run.

It was no use. The wind thwarted us at every turn.

We were trying to control what we couldn’t understand. Why should we have expected anything other than failure?


I am an American.

I’m proud of that fact. I’m grateful to wake up each morning in the land of the free. I’m humbled to live in the home of the brave.

America has long represented the greatest of civilization. It’s stood as the West’s great superpower for generations. It’s scaled innovation. It’s sparked an entertainment ecosystem with global cultural reach.

Yet, America is fortunate to exist as a standalone country at all.

You see, this great country’s roots are tied to a civil rebellion. It originated with a Declaration of Independence, drafted and signed by representatives of 13 British colonies. A formal statement disavowing allegiance to a faraway monarch.

Britain, unsurprisingly, failed to recognize this arrangement. And it sent soldiers across the Atlantic Ocean to restore order.

The impending war seemed like a mismatch on paper. Britain employed an experienced and well-trained fighting force. The Americans employed a ragtag group of rebels, armed with crude weaponry.

And yet, the Americans knew the terrain and the art of disruption. They disappeared from battlefields like ghosts. They hid in the brush, picking off British soldiers one by one. They launched a surprise attack the morning after Christmas.

The American Revolutionary War quickly turned into an elaborate cat and mouse game. And after years of chasing, the British forces eventually walked into a catastrophic trap. A trap that cost them the war and ensured America’s independence.

These events have largely been glorified on our shores for centuries. But the heroics of the ragtag American army were eclipsed by Britain’s colossal failure. Its failure in controlling what it didn’t understand.

Perhaps if the British forces had understood their opponent, they’d have been better prepared for guerilla warfare. Perhaps they would have anticipated the trudges across rugged terrain, the sneak attacks, and the deception. Perhaps they would have gotten the outcome they were looking for.

But they didn’t. And that doomed them.


The British army made its critical error on post-colonial soil more than 200 years ago. Yet the legacy of this error persists today.

America and Britain are now longstanding allies. And their imperial eras are mostly behind them. Still, each nation maintains a testy relationship with immigrants within its respective borders.

The reasoning for this tension varies. The United States has been dealing with a longstanding surge of illegal immigration at its Mexican border. Britain has been contending with the effects of legal immigration from faraway lands it once colonized.

But the underlying threat remains the same in both countries. Namely, the threat of other cultures taking root within the high walls of their societal gardens.

The results of this tension are widespread ostracism and intense governmental policy. The othering of Hispanic and East Asian immigrants is as fierce in America as the othering of Middle Eastern and South Asian immigrants in Britain. America started building a physical wall at the Mexican border. Britain erected a metaphorical one, through its Brexit split with mainland Europe.

These are brazen attempts by American and British leaders to control what they don’t understand. To enforce compliance with their respective nations’ dominant cultures. Or even to deny the opportunity for some to comply with it.

No one is declaring victory in these endeavors. The continued gripes about broken borders and rallying cries for vigilance make that abundantly clear.

But, just as critically, no one is declaring defeat. And that’s just keeping the spiral going.


The 100 Day Plan.

It’s a hallmark of leadership.

From the corporate boardroom to the halls of government, newly minted leaders start with an action plan. A set of predetermined initiatives intended to assert control.

I’ve long maintained a leader’s mindset – and even held some volunteer leadership positions over the years. Yet, I’ve never followed the 100 Day Plan.

When I’ve taken on a new venture, I’ve placed a premium on understanding. Understanding what I’m getting into, who’s involved, and what their perspectives are.

This requires a lot of learning, and a lot of listening. It demands that I humble myself before I even think of asserting control.

It can be a frustrating process in the short term. But it pays off in spades.

For once I do finally clear my throat to speak, my commands will be neither blind nor reckless. My assertions will be grounded in context, and more likely to hit the mark.

I believe a great many of us can learn from this example. I believe that we can follow a more pragmatic path than tilting at windmills.

We can make a better attempt to understand the forces around us. And we can adapt our commands to match that understanding.

If that means reading the wind, and adapting baseball drills accordingly, so be it. If that means acknowledging the cultural realities of outsiders before attempting to box them out, let’s do it. If that means replacing our 100 Day Plans with de-facto focus groups, let’s make it happen.

Control is fragile enough as it is. Better to not shatter it entirely by pairing it with delusion.

Self-Monitor

How well do you understand yourself?

Probably not as well as you think.

This statement is not meant to be an insult. It’s more a recognition of inherent blind spots in our own understanding.

For there are three components to our existence: Which values we hold internally, how we project those values externally and how others receive those projections.

All too often, when we claim self-actualization, we only have a grasp on the first two of these components. Or perhaps only the first one.

Calibrating our internal compass is important. It shields us from a self-fulfilling destiny of falsehoods and inconsistency. Having that True North reminds us of who we are and what we stand for, so that we may live our life consistent with those principles.

Yet, we do not live our lives in a vacuum. We rely on others for community and companionship. And as such, we must be vigilant when expressing our core tenets to those around us.

If we maintain consistency of purpose, clarity of vision and an unwavering commitment to our North Star, we can evoke clarity. We can engender trust. We can build connection.

The act of projecting our values doesn’t have to be flashy. But it should remain within character at all times.

Some of us might consider ourselves proficient at pulling this off. Others of us might not. Still others couldn’t care less.

Regardless of how we feel, the honest truth is the same: We likely have no clue about our ability to show the world who we are.

That’s because it’s not entirely up to us. It’s also up to those who receive our message and make their own assessment of it.

The opinion of others matters. It can open the door to opportunities or bar us from them. It can secure us a golden legacy or one of infamy.

We’ve traditionally downplayed this aspect of self-understanding. After all, other people can be unpredictable; gaining their acceptance can quickly devolve into a high-stakes guessing game. And pandering to the crowd could cause us to sacrifice our long-term values for short-term acceptance.

None of this is desirable.

So, we resolve to stay true to ourselves and focus on staying on a righteous path. The idea being that if we do this, everything else will fall into place.

It’s a nice thought. A utopian thought. And a deeply flawed thought.

That flaw in this idea? Our own humanity.

We are not perfect. Far from it.

And our bias blinds us to the truth.

Even if we believe we’re on the right path, there could be all manner of mistakes to stealthily sabotage our mission. There could be all sorts of blind spots to trip us up.

Workplaces have started to recognize this issue in recent years. That’s one reason why 360 degree assessments have taken over an increasing share of performance reviews.

Seeing how employees view themselves compared to how others view them provides a clearer picture. Aggregating these responses allows for more actionable feedback.

Yet, while this system has been helpful inside office walls, much of our life exists outside of them. And there are no scheduled performance reviews in the Real World.

So, how can we make sure we’re staying on track? How can we better understand the whole picture?

We can self-monitor.

Self-monitoring involves discovering our latent flawed tendencies and taking proactive steps to eradicate them. Much like a 360 feedback session, it requires us to step outside of our common perspective and view ourselves in a new light.

But this time, it’s not a supervisor initiating the cross-examination process. We’re running the show.

That means the right mindset is critical.

Self-monitoring requires humility, vulnerability and flexibility. It demands that we keep our eyes open, as well as our minds.

We must get comfortable with these traits, even if they make us squirm at first. For it is only by encountering our weaknesses that we can find our true strength.

Once we’ve bought into the self-monitoring mindset, we can commit ourselves to observation. We can see to how others react to us and follow up with subtly probing questions to get more context.

A self-critical perspective is crucial here. If we take on this task convinced of our own greatness, we won’t give these subtle cues from others their due process. We’ll consider them to be a nuisance at best, and an affront at worst — ignoring the critical role they might play in our identity.

A contrarian view provides for an open mind. And an open mind can lead to greater success.

After our period of observation, we should take some time to reflect.

What insights can we draw from the reactions we’ve seen? Are there situations where we’re viewed more favorably than others? Are there times when we act out of character?

This period of reflection can alert us to our unsavory tendencies — particularly those tied to a particular state of mind.

Perhaps we snap at others under stress. Or, we freeze when we unexpectedly find ourselves in the middle of a crisis.

If we hadn’t self-monitored, we likely wouldn’t have unearthed inconsistencies like these. But now that we’ve discovered them, we can work on replacing them with habits that better reflect our values.

We can come up with action plans for these new habits and practice them until they become muscle memory. Until the old tendencies are fully wiped away by the new ones.

Then, we can repeat the entire self-monitoring process. We can make new observations, find new insights and break new ground in ridding ourselves of inconsistencies and bad habits.

We can repeat the process, over and over — improving ourselves with each cycle.

This will make us well-rounded. And it can curry favor among those who once quietly disapproved of some aspect of our persona.

We still won’t be perfect, but we’ll be less flawed.

All of this is only possible when we surrender to a deeper level of introspection. And that’s only possible if we take the time to self-monitor.

So, let’s stop hiding in the safe havens of our own perspective. Let’s do the heavy lifting to truly understand ourselves. And to elevate ourselves to be the best we can be.

The Light Bulb Moment

What happens when it all clicks?

When something that was once difficult to grasp suddenly makes sense. When what was once murky becomes crystal clear in our mind.

It’s pretty magical, ain’t it?

I call this instance “The Light Bulb Moment.”

Just like electric light, it can illuminate at the flip of a switch. And just like many other significant moments in life, it can be difficult to fully explain the sensation we feel when this happens.

Why is that? Well, there are a mix of emotions at play each time that switch is flipped.

On one hand, there’s a heightened sense of relief. Something that was one frustrating and exhausting for us to comprehend — such as a math principle or a business operation — suddenly requires far less effort, and we can step back take a deep breath.

But on the other hand, there’s often a desire to act upon what we can now comprehend — and quickly. This is inspired by both the excitement of testing our newfound understanding and the fear of it disappearing from our mind, should we fail to take immediate action.

It’s the balance between these conflicting triggers — one encouraging us to relax, the other spurring us further into the fray — that gives us those warm fuzzies that are hard to articulate with words. It’s what sends us into mad scientist mode, tinkering with that newly understood concept with a smile glued to our face.

And while this all might seem a bit odd and contrarian, The Light Bulb Moment reflects the human condition better than nearly every other situation.

You see, there’s a misconception that people just want everything to be easy and require little work. A misconception that we all want our version of the Staples Easy Button (y’all remember those, right?) in all walks of life.

Thing is, this is not entirely true. As a whole, humans are not lazy or averse to a challenge. We’re happy to put in the work, provided we understand what it is we’re doing and what the outcome of it will be.

Essentially, we just want everything to be clear. To not have to spend a ton of effort trying to grasp a concept or purpose.

This will make us more efficient and less flustered as we take on the myriad tasks life puts in our path. Both of these attributes allow us to be at our best. After all, frustration is hardly humanity’s best look.

This is why we devote ourselves to training and education. Why we value communication and teamwork. For the less time we spend trying to catch up, the more time we can spend in getting ahead.

That’s far more valuable.

So, we should cherish these light bulb moments. We should continue to seek them out and learn from them. But most importantly, we should continue to act on them.

For the more we do, the brighter our future becomes.