Tag: strength

Self-Doubt vs. Self-Worth

Go forth with confidence.

Some sage advice you might have heard.

It can be useful at times. But there’s a fine line.

You see, if we display too much confidence — if we act too boldly — we might come off as arrogant, egotistical or not self-aware.

We might look as if we lack humility. Or that we don’t contain empathy for others whose paths we might cross.

In any case, we’ll look like we’re out of touch.

It’s far better for us to convey self-doubt than to act as if we know it all.

Wait, what?

Yes, this advice likely flies in the face of just about anything we’ve ever heard on the subject of confidence.

In fact, we spend considerable time trying to root out self-doubt. For we view uncertainty to be the antithesis of strength.

A fundamental question lies at the heart of this prevalent viewpoint.  If we don’t believe in ourselves, who will?

But using this question to remove self-doubt is a fool’s errand. It’s better suited for questions of self-worth.

And while those two phrases might sound similar, there’s actually a large chasm between them.

Self-doubt is a natural function of life. In an uncertain world where decisions don’t always pay off, it’s perfectly valid to question our own decisions.

After all, there’s likely someone out there with better qualifications, enhanced knowledge or more luck than us. And even they might not get it right all the time.

Self-doubt recognizes this gap between possibilities and reality. When used sporadically, it can serve as a powerful gut-check and a humbling reminder of our inherent imperfection.

Self-doubt keeps us honest. It keeps us grounded. It keeps us human.

Self-worth, on the other hand, takes this phenomenon a bridge too far. It questions not only our capability to perform a task, but also our viability for existing at all.

While self-doubt is akin to a spiritual awakening, self-worthlessness is a cry for help.

Unfortunately, many people can’t see the difference between self-doubt and self-worth. They can’t tell that a healthy reality check is not synonymous with a declaration of despair.

As such, our society tends to throw the baby out with the bath water. To consider any displays of humility and doubt to be signs of weakness.

Perhaps the confusion lies in the along the fine line that separates self-doubt and self-worth.

After all, self-doubt can be the first step in a downward spiral to self-worthlessness. But not always, and not often.

That’s the outlier case. A potent and devastating one, but an outlier nonetheless.

No, we far more commonly use self-doubt to define our boundaries. To see where the walls of the racetrack are. And to adjust accordingly.

Sometimes, we’ll take the effort to break through these boundaries. Other times, we’ll use them as guideposts to keep ourselves between the lines.

In either case, self-doubt can be healthy. And if it’s channeled in the right places, it can even be productive.

So, forget what you heard about fortune favoring the bold. And don’t trip over yourself to Go forth with confidence.

Our true power lies in our vulnerability.

Dig Deeper

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

The late Jim Valvano uttered those words when I was I was far too young to understand their significance. But I’ve seen the highlights of his 1993 ESPY speech several times. And each time, they’ve moved me to tears.

Here was an accomplished basketball coach dealt a cruel blow — a cancer diagnosis in an era where treatment was far less effective than it is today. He had every excuse to shut it down, to prepare for the seemingly inevitable, to quit.

But he didn’t.

Jimmy V decided to devote his life to raising money for cancer research, in hopes of saving millions of people in a future he knew he wouldn’t be around for. He refused to let his wit, his humor and his exuberance for life fade away, even as he fought a battle more grueling than most of us could ever imagine. And he combined his mission and his virtues into one of the most important and inspirational speeches I’ve ever come across — a speech he delivered energetically at a time when he barely had the physical strength to stand.

It was inspirational, emotional and powerful. And it continues to remind us that quitting should not be an option.

***

Things ain’t always rosy. That’s a fact. Over the course of our lives, we all have times of struggle — times where it feels like everything’s spiraling out of control and we just want to throw our hands in the air and say “Screw it all.” I know I have.

Now, the cause of this outburst might very well be mundane in the long run, but that won’t stop our blood from boiling due to the frustration. It won’t stop us from thinking that throwing in the towel is the most feasible option. After all, self-preservation is an instinct we all share.

In moments like these, we must heed the words of Jimmy V.

Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

There is always more we can give, more we can do, more we can try. A no can lead to a yes, an untenable situation can yield a more suitable one — and yes, a rainbow might be hiding behind that storm cloud.

We can — and should — iterate. We can learn from our current stress-inducing predicaments to build a more efficient and smooth future for ourselves.

But what we can’t do is give up.

***

Now, this is not to say that we should keep smoking, just because kicking the habit involves the word “quit.” And if our job is leading to nothing but misery, moving on might be prudent. I once left a job and moved 300 miles without having a new employer lined up; while the struggle was quite real at first, it ultimately paid major dividends.

But does axing a nicotine fix or saying sayonara to an untenable position really count as giving up? I’d say no, as each is but a small step in concrete plan to improve our well-being.

On the other hand, when a project we undertake turns out to be more difficult or exhausting than we’ve anticipated, we must not entertain the notion of quitting. We must fulfill our obligations, even if the end result is not quite to our expectations. For completing what we undertake gives us the satisfaction of closure, as well as the strength to rise to the next challenge.

***

Life is linear — and our path through it will be littered with challenges, frustrations and self-doubts. These are opportunities. Opportunities to see what we’re made of. Opportunities to grow. Opportunities to dig deeper than we knew we could.

A generation ago, a man with seemingly nothing left to give devoted everything he had to saving and inspiring future generations. What’s your excuse?