Tag: sacrifice

The Only Way to It Is Through It

I’m just out for a morning run.

Those six words rolled through my mind like a ticker on a marquee. Each time my shies hit the pavement, I thought of them.

The absurdity wasn’t lost on me. All I had to do was look down at the number pinned to my shirt, or glance at the spectators on the sidewalk to know that this was no normal morning run.

It was a race. A half marathon, specifically.

I’d never run one of these before. And the unknown filled me with anxiety.

I worried that I’d run out of steam somewhere on the course. That I wouldn’t cross the finish line. That I’d make a fool of myself.

So, I let my mantra be my guide. I treated the race like it was a casual training run – one of the many I’d completed leading up to this moment. And I kept myself from getting overzealous.

The strategy seemed to work. As the chilly morning air hit my skin, I took stride after stride with little resistance. It felt as if I was floating on air.

In reality, I was running hard. And I was passing dozens of other runners on the course.

I started to catch onto this around the Mile 3 marker. So, I instinctively glanced at my watch.

The pace it showed astounded me.

There’s no way I can hold this for 10 more miles, I told myself.

But everything still felt so effortless. So, I resolved to try.

With each mile, my confidence grew. I’d entered the starting corral with a goal to complete this race in 1 hour and 40 minutes. But now, I was on pace to finish in under 1:30:00.

As I passed the Mile 12 marker, the digital clock read 1:22:42. A 90-minute finish was within reach, if I could hold on for another 1.1 miles.

I was giddy with excitement. And totally unprepared for what was to come.

I was about 500 feet past the Mile 12 marker when I first felt it.

A sharp, stabbing pain just below the side of my ribcage.

The air rushed out of my lungs in an instant. And as I inhaled, my right oblique tightened like a vice.

I knew exactly what this was. A side stitch.

The side stitch is the bane of any runner’s existence. I’d encountered my fair share when I’d first started running regularly. But they’d faded away as I’d gained fitness. I hadn’t encountered one in months.

But now it was back – at the worst possible time.

The easiest way to resolve a side stitch is to stop for a moment and stretch. I’d done this plenty of times in those early days of training.

But stopping wasn’t an option at mile 12 of the half marathon course. Not if I wanted to break the 1:30:00 barrier.

So, while still in motion, I gave myself a pep talk through strained breaths.

The only way to it is through it. Let’s go.

I winced as the course turned left, and then right. Each step felt excruciating. And I knew it would only get worse.

I was downtown now, running in the cavernous shadows of giant skyscrapers. The morning sun was in my eyes, blinding me through my racing sunglasses.

I had no idea how much of the course was still ahead of me. A half mile? A quarter mile?

As I scanned in vain for a street sign or a mile marker, I noticed some silhouettes darting through my peripherals. Other runners, passing me by.

I started to panic. Was I fading? Was my race coming undone?

Just hang on, I told myself. You’re almost there.

I passed the Mile 13 marker. And after what felt like an eternity, the finish line came into view.

I glided my way across the line and slowed to a walk. As I hobbled over to a barrier fence to stretch my oblique, I took a look around. Those silhouettes that had just passed me were hunched over, vomiting profusely.

I stared up at the race clock, and suddenly everything made sense.

I hadn’t faded. Those runners had just outsprinted me. All so that they could finish before the clock hit 1:30:00.

I’d missed that mark by 4 seconds. But I’d also persevered, fighting through immense pain and giving myself a chance at glory.

No matter what the clock read, I could hold my head high.

Back when I was a child, my father came back from work one day looking ragged.

Grass stains were all over his jeans, and dirt specks covered his shirt like a Jackson Pollock painting.

My mother asked what happened, and my father – then an elementary school teacher – explained that it had been Field Day.

Field day, of course, is a late spring ritual in schools across the country. A day when students and teachers ditch the classroom for structured activities outdoors.

One of the activities at my father’s school was a gauntlet run. Teachers got low to the ground and ran across the grass. And as they did, students lined up on both sides would whack at them with sticks.

It was an absurd annual tradition. But there was no avoiding it.

If my father wanted to maintain the respect of his students, he was going to have to make his way across the grass – dirt stains and stick whacks and all.

The only way to it was through it.

So, my father obliged. And he wore the evidence home for his family to see.

That image has stuck with me over the years.

My father’s decision, you see, ran counter to one of the great ironies of our society. That despite our bluster about grit and toughness, we tend to detour around challenges at every opportunity. To take the path of least resistance.

Calloused hands and battle scars are yesterday’s news. We’ve found a path to glory that doesn’t involve the spilling of guts. And we’ve turned it into a six-lane highway.

Gain without pain. It’s the ultimate life hack.

Or maybe not.

No, Easy Street might not be the panacea we portray it as. Accomplishments ring hollow when they’re dislodged from the principles of perseverance and sacrifice. We know only what we’ve gotten, not what it took.

If that last mile of my half marathon had felt the same as that first dozen, I’d be in the same boat as everyone else. The finisher’s medal around my neck would have been little more than an accessory. A reward barely earned.

But that last mile proved to be its own gauntlet. One that I faced head on, just like my father before me.

And because of that, the medal will always mean more.

The only way to it is through it.

I believe those words with all my heart. And for that, I am grateful.

Sharing and Sacrifice

Can I have the TV room for a bit?

The question was innocent enough. But it made my blood curdle.

After all, I had been entrenched. Posted up on the couch, watching television. And now, I was getting booted from my perch, just so that my sister could watch her dumb show?

No way, no how. I refused.

My sister stomped off, quickly returning with my parents in tow. They explained that I had to share the TV room, and that meant ceding it in this instance. It was the decent thing to do, and the only thing to do.

I grumbled and stomped off to my room. The day was ruined.

Our society is of two minds.

We believe in individualism. We applaud self-sufficiency, initiative, and action.

Yet, we also believe in collectivism. In coming together to bask in the glow of our individual exploits.

I suppose this paradox mirrors that of nature. Even the most ancient of humans balanced hunting and gathering in their daily tasks.

And our own national lineage – that of settlers from faraway lands confronting a rugged terrain – also required such a shift.

But this dichotomy has not aged well.

The modern world has tipped the scales toward the individual. These days, it’s easier to strike out on our own without encountering a grizzly bear or a gang of bandits. We can get what we need and fend off danger.

Still, our collective tendencies have stuck around. More for tradition’s sake than anything else.

There are still plenty of restaurants that offer family-style meals. There are still holidays centered on mingling with loved one. There are still pressures to align ourselves with groups – whether civic, religious, or social.

The dichotomy this creates can be dizzying. We’re forced to tiptoe between two extremes — between go get it and let’s share.

It’s not easy to walk this tightrope. And the penalties for a misstep can be severe.

Be the CEO of your own life.

I can’t recall where I first heard that advice. But I’ve taken it to heart.

When it comes to my day-to-day, I take a business-like approach. I manage budgets, plan meals, and set actionable goals. I’m intentional about how I spend my time and who I share company with.

I lean on individualism to execute on all this. I put a lot on my own shoulders just to get by. But as an introvert, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Still, my quest does hit choppy waters from time to time. This is most notable when my journey barges through society’s collectivist tripwires.

Perhaps I stay in during a holiday. Perhaps I don’t eat anything at a banquet-style feast. Perhaps I duck out of a get-together before a board game is unfurled on the table.

I catch an inordinate amount of grief for these actions. I’m accused of not being a team player. I’m accosted for hurting others’ feelings. Or I’m told that no one should be alone on an occasion like this – essentially, that my own desires to do just that are invalid.

These rebukes are to be expected.

Marketing guru Seth Godin has frequently defined culture as People like us do things like this. And my actions often fly in the face of that mantra. Of course I’m going to hear about it.

The remedy to this situation might seem straightforward. I could just suck it up. I could share more, participate more, prioritize the collective over the invididual.

But it’s never that simple, is it?

I often think back to the day when I was booted from the TV room. It still gnaws at me.

Whatever I missed when I ceded the couch wasn’t all that important. And my sister was right in asking me to share the family television.

But the was a subtle demand under that ask is what bugs me.

Namely, the demand for a sacrifice.

For me to share TV access that day, I’d have to sacrifice control of the remote. This reality was unambiguous.

And this latent demand was far from unique. In fact, it underlies many other sharing scenarios we encounter.

Preparing for a long weekend? Get ready to account for who you spent your time with.

Attending a banquet? Be prepared to sacrifice your dietary preferences.

Participating in a social function? Don’t expect control over the agenda.

Sharing and sacrifice are intertwined. We might only speak to one half of the equation, but the other half is omnipresent.

This arrangement might be well-intentioned. But it’s not doing any of us any favors.

And the evidence is piling up.

In the early days of the COVID pandemic, civic officials shared a familiar refrain.

We all need to sacrifice our routines for the common good.

The specifics of the sacrifice varied by the situation. Sometimes it referred to putting on a face mask in public or staying home entirely. Other times it meant cancelling gatherings or sequestering ourselves from loved ones.

This was all to help keep a novel virus at bay. And yet, the refrain landed like a pile of bricks.

Some people still wanted to gather and to share in tradition, virus risk be damned. Others were cowering in fear of infection, and pointing the finger at anyone who didn’t share their view.

Divides widened. Trust plummeted. And we’re still dealing with the fallout, all these years later.

Scholars will likely spend years determining why this civic communication went so wrong. But I think the answer lies in the first five words of their refrain: We all need to sacrifice.

Sacrifice, you see, is a personal act. When we give something up, we feel it viscerally.

No one else can even pretend to understand that feeling. That loss is ours alone to bear.

As such, the most effective sacrifices are intrinsically driven. We feel the pull of a higher calling. And we part with something we care about to meet that calling.

Sharing is a natural biproduct of this process. But the choice to sacrifice — that comes from us.

This process can’t be reverse engineered. Telling us to sacrifice just won’t get the same buy-in. Neither will hiding such demands behind the virtues of sharing.

I’m not quite sure we fully recognize this point. And that needs to change.

It’s time for us to explicitly link sharing and sacrifice. And it’s time to make these attributes opt-in, rather than obligatory.

These actions won’t fix everything. But they’ll cauterize the wounds of our current approach. And they’ll plant the seeds for a more sustainable culture of sharing.

These are results we can stand behind. Let’s make them reality.

On Sacrifice

He was 17 years old.

He had never been on an airplane — or even a long train ride — before. All he knew of the world beyond the horizon came from newspaper columns, radio bulletins, and the names on the visiting team’s baseball jerseys.

But despite all that, my grandfather felt compelled. Compelled to sacrifice the only existence he had ever known, in order to protect his country.

It was 1945. The world had been at war for 6 years. The United States was avenging the Japanese attacks on Pearl Harbor, all while rebuking the atrocities of fascism in Europe.

My grandfather was a boy when the conflict started. But as he neared adulthood, the casualties were still mounting and the outcome of the war was still uncertain. So, he thrust himself into the fray and volunteered for the United States Navy.

His service obligations would take him westward, to Illinois and California. And while a freak injury kept him from combat in the Pacific theater, my grandfather still had to adapt to a new reality.

In the service, my grandfather’s clothes consisted of his Naval uniform. His bed was a simple bunk. Rules of decorum were paramount — salute senior officers, follow orders, and defend the base at all times.

Later in life, my grandfather would speak fondly of those days. Life in the Navy wasn’t always as vibrant and free as civilian life. But he never doubted his decision to join its ranks.

In his mind, the sacrifice was justified.

My grandfather’s tale of sacrifice is hardly unique. Similar tales have been told throughout our nation’s history.

In the earliest days, farmers abandoned their fields to take up arms against the Redcoats — even as capture meant certain death. Decades later, as a Civil War enveloped the country, entire communities rushed to the battlefields and the carnage that awaited them there.

Even in modern times, scores of young Americans have voluntarily uprooted themselves — trading the familiar lifestyle of their hometown for a tour of duty in a faraway conflict. It’s a calling as sacred today as it was centuries ago.

As a nation, we give lip service to these sacrifices. We honor active duty service members with standing ovations at sports events, and with discounts on cars and homes. We have a holiday each November for our veterans, along with myriad parades in their honor.

But many of us don’t understand the totality of the sacrifices these brave men and women make.

How could we? We have no reference point for the experience.

Or at least we haven’t thus far.

As I write these words, a pandemic is afflicting the world.

The pandemic is not a war. At least not in a traditional sense.

The objective of this struggle is not to kill each other or claim territory. Instead, we are trying to repel a common enemy. A microscopic virus that has claimed more than a million lives worldwide in less than a year.

In different corners of the globe, the fight has taken different shapes. Some nations have imposed harsh lockdowns. Others have restricted activities that help spread the virus. And still others have abdicated responsibility entirely.

The United States has been hardest hit by the pandemic, with nearly 10 percent of global cases and one-fifth of all deaths. Early initiatives to fend off the threat have given way to partisanship, impatience and anger. And while we’ve bickered, the virus has continued spread devastation.

We are in crisis. And in the midst of the crisis, we find ourselves making profound sacrifices.

We have no choice in the matter. Even if we want to live our lives as normal — pretending the pandemic isn’t raging all around us — we cannot. The businesses we rely on look different, with reduced capacities and mask mandates in place. Many schools are closed, and many jobs are furloughed.

There are many drivers behind these shifts — health safety, economic reality, and buffers against litigation. Regardless of the reason, they’ve required us to change our ways.

This has not been easy to deal with. Many of us cherished the life we had before the virus ripped it from us. Even if we didn’t, the pandemic hasn’t exactly provided us a rosier alternative.

For we are social beings, stimulated by interaction and anchored in tradition. The virus has threatened these pillars of our existence, and pivoting away from them is difficult.

The longer this drags on, the more we come to understand the sacrifices of our military. We might not face the acute risks of combat. But we are now well-versed with the sensation of being far from home.

Thank you.

These are two simple words. But they can speak volumes.

Whenever I speak with a military member — whether active duty or veteran — I show my appreciation. I know that they are making profound sacrifices to protect our nation, and everything it stands for. And I am grateful for it.

I am not alone in this sentiment. But it hasn’t always been this way.

In the time between my grandfather’s Naval service and my own existence, many Americans turned on the military. Veterans of the Vietnam War found themselves spat upon and branded as baby killers upon their return home. And that sentiment was never fully extinguished.

I’ve never quite understood this vitriol. I’ve never quite reconciled the desire to demonize those who protect us.

Perhaps this is true because I grew up in the shadow of the Cold War. Or perhaps it’s the case because I vividly remember the 9/11 attacks. But either way, I could never imagine turning on those who serve. It’s a bridge too far.

So now, I wonder if this pandemic experience will change us for the better. I wonder if this prolonged period of sacrifice has opened our eyes to what others have for so long given up. And I wonder if we can look upon those choices with dignity, rather than disdain. With empathy rather than anger.

I certainly hope that is the case.

Those who sacrifice on our behalf deserve the formal recognition, the holidays, the pomp and circumstance. But most of all, they deserve our respect and gratitude. They deserve to be told that what they do matters.

So, let’s honor their sacrifices. Today and forever.

Taking Stock

Why do we spread our focus so thin?

It’s a question we don’t often ponder. But maybe we should.

I know that personally, I’ve overloaded myself on insignificant items of interest in recent years. I’ve been determined to catch every episode of every TV show I liked, watch every game my favorite teams play, read every article my favorite Internet marketing publications ever put on the web.

It hasn’t been FOMO driving this pattern — I’ve made my feelings clear on that — but rather, an all or nothing mentality. In essence, I’ve given myself an ultimatum: “Either I will take in all I can consume of a subject, or I will take in none of it.”

All too often, I’ve taken the first option.

Now this was all well and good at first — this immersion demonstrated a consistent dedication to the subjects I cared about, one that would lead to benefits in either my career or well-being (yes, I know I bashed leisure time once, but it can still have therapeutic benefits).

But over time, this dedication has become a burden. There are only so many hours in a week, and I’ve found myself planning mine around factors out of my control, such as the schedule of a pro sports team or the article count of an online publisher.

The more I talk about this, the more ridiculous it sounds. But much like a train, it’s hard to stop this pattern once it gets rolling.

Or at least it has been until recently.

***

For various reasons, I’ve shaken things up in recent months. Although I’m generally averse to change, I’ve swallowed my pride and sacrificed some of my carefully crafted weekly routine in order to better myself professionally.

With these changes in motion, I’ve found myself with far less free time than I once did. As a result, I’ve been spending less time watching sports, keeping track of every show or reading material that may or may not be interesting.

But it goes much further than that. I’ve focused precious little time on fantasy football, and I’ve been wasting less energy on pointless exchanges with friends through text messages or social media.

I’ve given up a lot of things I once enjoyed. And you know what? It feels liberating.

You see, I’ve taken stock of my life. The time squeeze I’ve found myself in has forced me to subconsciously evaluate what truly matters to me.

And what does truly matter to me? Only a finite list of things: maintaining my relationships with those closest to me, writing articles like this one, cooking good food, exercising, spending quiet moments outdoors, advancing my career — and yes, occasionally watching football on fall weekends.

Renewing my focus in these pursuits, and these pursuits alone, is liberating. I have control over my destiny — not the calendar or some TV programming executive somewhere. And whatever I choose to devote myself to in a specific moment receives my full dedication, attention and passion. It’s a win-win.

***

This model represents how it should be, but seldom how it is.

Whether it’s our own competitiveness, FOMO or a drive to lay claim to watercooler conversation, we find reasons to worry about too many things that are far too insignificant in the long run (fantasy football, anyone?).

We’re doing no one any favors with this behavior, yet we persist.

But we have what it takes to break the chain, to stop ourselves paper-thin. So let’s take stock of our lives, figure out what’s truly important, and then double down on that.

Our destiny is in our hands. It’s time to grasp it.