Tag: relationships

The One Word Challenge

How would you describe someone in one word?

It’s a tricky proposition — one I recently put to the test when I asked friends and family which word they’d use to describe me.

The answers I received were as fascinating as they were wide-ranging.

  • Bold
  • Loyal
  • Engaging
  • Generous
  • Welcoming

(For the record, the word I’d use to describe myself is “Driven.”)

Now, I know this sounds like a good spell of ego-baiting. But as someone who equates fishing for complements with fishing with dynamite, I can assure you that is not the purpose of this exercise.

No, the One Word Challenge is as much a deep-thinking exercise than anything else. And it’s more important than we’d prefer to admit.

Why do I say this? Because we live in a world where we take far too much for granted, even though we know we shouldn’t. And in particular, because we fail to recognize the fleeting nature of time and words until they’re taken from us.

This pervasive behavior allows us to live carefree, to enjoy our time with one another free of the foreboding that hangs on our eventual separation. Yet, it inevitably leads to regret at the end. To words left unsaid. To moments left unspent.

The solution to this conundrum is twofold. First, we must make every effort to cherish every moment we spend together. And second, we must refine our methods of taking stock of all we have.

That’s where the One Word Challenge comes in.

You see, we have a tendency to be long winded and eloquent when singing each other’s praises or sharing memories. This trend allows us to connect powerfully through emotion. It’s why we have speeches at weddings, at funerals and after winning awards.

But speeches should not be the only way we size each other up.

We still must be able to distill our relationship with others down to the basics. We must understand on a basic level what draws us to those we hold most dear. We must determine what they bring to us and what we give to them.

And it doesn’t get more basic than one word.

Now, this all might seem like little more than a framing exercise. But it’s much more.

I say the One World Challenge is a bridge.

It allows us to get to a common ground of understanding with those in our inner circle. To be aware of what draws us to each other, what we learn from each other and what we can do with that knowledge.

In an experiential society, this communication can help define our achievements while ensuring we stay true to our core. It can help inspire us to reach for the stars, yet still keep our feet rooted in the ground.

This delicate balance is what moves the world forward, and it’s best expressed in a two-word exchange.

So, go ahead and take the challenge. See how powerful one word can be.

The Year of Disconnect

Another journey around the sun is nearly complete.

While I have made my feelings known regarding our collective reaction to the innocuous changing of a calendar, the fact remains that many of us are quite reflective at this time of year.

With that in mind, I’ve taken a look back at what’s happened in the past 12 months, and what we can gather from it. While life is generally a mix of routine and random events that makes such an activity trivial, I quickly came to realize that this year has had a common, yet disturbing theme.

2016 has been the Year of Disconnect.

The sad irony of this statement cuts deep. We now live in a world where African tribal elders can access the Internet from the palm of their hand. It’s a world built for sharing and instantaneous collaboration. But at a time when technology has allowed us to connect more effectively than ever before, all we seem to want to do is disengage.

Whether we’re talking about the divisive U.S. election, the Brexit vote, deteriorating race relations in America or the seemingly endless parade of celebrity deaths, so much of 2016 seems to have been about the fracture of something once communal. It seems to have been about the loss of trust, decency and respect. About doubt and uncomfortable questions.

This is not the world I want. I’ve devoted my life to building communication, trust and connection because I believe those principles can make the world a better place. Humans are capable of both amazing and horrifying feats. The difference between the two so often lies in how well we can build connections with each other based on trust.

The steps we’ve taken away from connection in recent months have been discouraging, but all is not lost. If we can take heed of the direction we’re heading and make the right adjustments, we can steer ourselves back on course.

For me, this means removing hate from my heart, and from my vocabulary. It means preaching unity, even with those I vehemently disagree with. It means building connections upon empathy, and urging others to do the same.

For others, the tactics to rebuild what’s broken might be different. After all, we are all unique, and each of us has our own tools to build with. But if we can all work toward reinvigorating a culture of connection, we will get there.

Great things are ahead of us. But we must eschew the patterns we’ve championed in the Year of Disconnect in order to achieve them. Let us begin.

Faith and Fate

In recent years, I’ve been quite open about my faith. Faith has both graced my life and helped guide it.

I wouldn’t be the man I am today without my faith. Faith has forged the moral code that serves as a background for my actions, views and decisions. Faith has illuminated the road less traveled I’ve taken through my adult life. Faith has shown me wonder and amazement in the course of my travels and travails, and brought purpose to the otherwise robotic and mundane routine called everyday life.

But faith has not driven my life. Fate has.

It’s easy to misappropriate these terms. Culturally, faith is generally associated with good fortune, while fate is considered a dark and dubious term. One is tied with meaning, the other placed in lockstep with the cruelties of randomization.

But it’s not just simplistic and shortsighted to make these generalizations; it’s also plain wrong.

In truth, fate encompasses what happens to us in life. Faith encompasses how we respond to it.

***

On the day after Christmas, devastating tornadoes tore through the eastern suburbs of Dallas. Within moments, 11 people were dead, dozens others were hurt, and hundreds of houses were gone. In the wake of this heartbreaking devastation, someone undoubtedly thought, “How could God do this?”

But God didn’t do this.

The weather conditions were ripe for tornado development, and, lo and behold, a tornado exploded across a busy interstate and nearby residential neighborhood. It was fate that led to the devastation — people, houses and pets being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

That doesn’t make it any easier for us to swallow. So we look for the meaning, and, finding none, blame God and turn away from Him.

***

Devastating episodes like this illustrate the gulf we’ve built between faith and fate, as exposure to one serves to drive away the other. We believe that faith can help us repel wickedness, and by extension, cruel twists of fate. But when the darkest sides of fate turn our lives upside down, we repel faith.

But these two concepts are actually symbiotic.

Our faith anchors us in morality and serves as our compass. But without fate, we have nothing concrete to build off of.

Fate can knock us to the canvas without rhyme or reason, But faith allows us to rally behind our morality.

When we use the two together, we can live stronger, richer lives — even in the wake of events that rock our world.

***

If fate is what happens to us, and faith is how we respond, we must re-examine our cultural definition of meaning. We tend to attach this concept to actions, when we really should tie it to reactions.

This conceptual shift helps us view the world more accurately. It also forces us to face our fears, manifested in one sobering statement.

We can’t control what happens to us.

Scary, but true. We all want control over our lives and the events therein, but the forces of fate are stronger than our desires. What we can control is our response to the highs and lows fate throws our way. And we can use the meaning we draw from these reactions to strengthen and enrich our lives.

***

I believe all of this this, because I’ve lived it.

When I was a teenager, I had no idea my adult life would take the path it has. Fate hit me hard at times — at one point, I found myself lonely and frightened in a remote West Texas city; at another, I found myself living in a hotel room for three months as I looked for a marketing job — but faith was always there to guide me.

Faith helped me focus not on the actions fate had thrown at me, but what my reaction would be. In particular, faith helped keep me even-keeled, motivated and morally sound, even in the wake of hardships and setbacks. I subsequently drew value and meaning from my reactions to these experiences; as a result, I’m a stronger, wiser man today.

Don’t run from faith, or try and give fate the slip. Welcome both with open arms.