If there’s one attribute that’s universally commended, it’s modesty.
The value of remaining humble and reserved has persisted across the sands of time.
After all, modesty is the polar opposite of hubris. And we have countless cautionary tales — from Icarus to Macbeth — of how our own ego can lead to our downfall.
By contrast, modesty is safe. It makes us homogeneous and relatable. It adheres us to the tribe. It provides a subtle, yet powerful script to follow.
Our society certainly buys into the power this attribute holds. We love to toast the modest and roast the egotistical. We encourage others to be down to earth and love our neighbors.
Modesty is the gold standard. That which we’re expected to continually strive for.
But by placing it above all else, we walk a fine line — the line between modesty and imposter syndrome.
What is imposter syndrome? It’s a condition that causes us to doubt our accomplishments. To question our worthiness of the praise we receive.
It’s the indelible belief that we’re a fraud, and it’s only a matter of time until people find out and expose us for what we are.
I’ve battled this condition before, and many accomplished people have as well.
Of course, these doubts are entirely ludicrous. We are worthy of our accomplishments. By and large, we’re not frauds or impostors.
So, why are so many of us convinced otherwise?
It goes back to our societal infatuation with modesty.
Think about what modesty truly stands for. There are many possible answers, yet one seems particularly pertinent.
Deference.
Yes, we place great value on deferring to others. On sharing with them and empowering them. We demand these principles out of our leaders as much as we anticipate it from their followers.
This is the principle that allows us to enact sustainable power structures — those which guide us in the right direction without losing the peace.
Since deference is so critical, it’s only natural that we lean heavily toward modesty — the philosophy that espouses it more than any other. We’re expected to value the opinions and expertise of others ahead of our own. To be aware of how small our role is in the grander scheme of things.
But the weight of these expectations can make us too deferential. It can cause us to defer our own values, to question our own self-worth. It can spur us to retreat when those around us are looking to us to contribute.
It can make us feel like imposters, when we’re anything but.
What’s the way out of this conundrum?
Well, as with any situation that toes a fine line, the answer is not clear cut. Yet, there is something out there that can help ease the burden we place upon ourselves.
A commitment to positive recognition.
If we take the time to recognize each other for our accomplishments, we’ll no longer feel like ants masquerading as giants.
If we spend private moments of introspection considering what we bring to the table, we’ll start to realize we belong.
This will be far from a cut-and-dry process. After all, those who display modesty are hard-wired to deflect praise.
But through enough time and commitment, we can share the message that no matter how modest we are, our contributions matter.
We can proclaim, for once and for all, that we belong.
And there’s no modesty needed for that.