Tag: gratitude

Gratitude Through Adversity

Counting our blessings.

It’s something we’re quite good at.

Perhaps it’s because we’re naturally introspective. Or perhaps it’s because we’re obsessed with keeping score.

Either way, we don’t pass up an opportunity to enumerate all that we’ve been given. Instead, we stockpile our gratitude, as if it’s a pile of gold coins in our dragon lair.

This pattern gains gravitas as the leaves fall from the trees and the winter chill sets in. It becomes unavoidable as a holiday designated for this purpose beckons.

So, we dive deep into gratefulness. We obsess over what we’ve been blessed with over the past year. And we go into overdrive to show our appreciation.

In most times, this is a harmless exercise. A healthy one, even.

But in extraordinary times, that foundation can shift.

It’s OK to not be OK.

This refrain has gained popularity in recent years, as our society has taken a fresh look at mental health.

Generally, this message is intended for those who’ve suffered psychological trauma. It’s for anyone who might be reckoning with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder — or PTSD.

Perhaps these PTSD victims witnessed a horrifying event, such as a car crash or the 9/11 attacks. Or perhaps they had been deployed to a combat zone and ended up bringing those horrors home. Either way, their realities were likely filled with dark thoughts.

The idea behind It’s OK to not be OK is that fitting in needn’t be a primary objective. Mainstream society might have its norms and expectations. But most people who make up that society don’t have the harrowing perspective that PTSD victims do. By forcing those victims to bury their emotions and conform with society, we are placing an undue burden upon them.

I’ve long recognized the importance of this idea. And yet, I can’t fully square with it.

For I haven’t experienced enough trauma firsthand for it to apply to me. And while I’ve faced many challenges throughout my life, I’ve been reluctant to apply such a mantra to them.

These bumps in the road have been setbacks, not traumas. And I’ve long maintained that the best way to respond to a setback is to plow ahead with conviction.

So, I’ve buried my discontent at the challenges I’ve faced. I’ve shaken off my disappointments. I’ve moved on.

Many others in this position have done the same. After all, America is the land of hard knocks. It is the heartland of perseverance through challenges.

This spirit goes back to the nation’s earliest years — when settlers faced lethal dangers on their journey west. It gained steam as immigrants flowed into Ellis Island, arriving destitute and devoid of protection. And it continues today, as the entrepreneurial movement reaches a fever pitch.

Picking ourselves up and dusting ourselves off has been the American way for eons.

And yet, it might be time to rethink all of that.

As I write these words, America is enduring a moment without comparison.

In less than 10 months, the nation has confronted a pandemic, a recession, a racial justice reckoning, a contentious Presidential election, and a swath of natural disasters. All of these events have hit this nation in years past. But they’ve never struck simultaneously.

In the wake of all this turmoil, a new narrative has taken hold. One that splits our society between the fortunate and the snakebit.

The idea comes from the fact that many have lost something in all of this. Loved ones, jobs, homes, dignity, sense of identity — all of these have been ripped away in an instant.

And yet, these horrors haven’t been evenly distributed. For some, the biggest departure from “normal life” has been the requirement that they wear face masks when outside their homes.

This group has kept their incomes, their health, and their joie de vivre. If not for a few visuals — such as those masks — it might seem as if nothing had changed from the days before the virus reached our shores.

Under normal Rules of Engagement for Americana, the next steps should be clear. Those ravaged by the moment should dust themselves off and get back on the horse. Those unaffected by it should proceed with business as usual.

But these are not normal times. The prospect of a socially distanced holiday season should make that painfully clear.

It’s time we recognize the cloud hanging over us all. And it’s time we throw out the old playbook.

In the eye of the storm, gratitude can seem irrelevant.

As we batten down the hatches, we’ve got little time to savor the ride. Survival is paramount.

But we’ve been riding the storm for months now. And as the season of reflection and renewal fast approaches, it’s time to face the truths we’ve long been avoiding.

First, this ordeal is affecting all of us, whether we want to admit it or not. Yes, the harm is not evenly distributed — and for some, the shadow of this moment will linger eternally. But no one is free and clear from the blast. We all have the right to remove the cloak of invincibility and be human.

Second, we have much to appreciate. The world might look drastically different, but the hallmarks of community and grace remain. Even in the darkest and most uncertain of times, we find the strength and ingenuity to pull each other through. That should not be taken for granted.

And third, gratefulness is not a competitive sport. We shouldn’t feel pressure to wear on our sleeves the blessings we feel in our hearts. Life is messy and emotions are complicated. It’s best if we leave some runway for each of us to deal with such complexity in the manner that best suits us. Judgment gets us nowhere.

If we can come to terms with these truths, we might encounter some levity. We might rekindle the spirit that generally dominates the tail-end of the calendar. We just might find ourselves again.

Times may be tough, and joy might be in short supply. But all is not lost.

Let us never forget that.

The Power of Thank You

Sometimes, words carry extra weight.

Think of Abraham Lincoln delivering The Gettysburg Address. Ronald Reagan demanding Mr. Gorbachev, Tear Down This Wall. Jim Valvano imploring Don’t give up. Don’t ever give up.

These speeches have captivated our society. These words helped change our perspective and even altered the course of history.

They are powerful indeed.

But the most impactful words out there are actually quite simple: Thank you.

Thank you is brief and ubiquitous. We say it reflexively at times. We add it to our letters and emails by default.

Viewed this way, thank you looks like a formality. An expression of politeness, to be sure, but a formality nonetheless.

But don’t be fooled. These two words have a far deeper meaning than that.

In a world where we are quick to assert our independence, saying thank you indicates humility. It reminds us that we can only get so far on our own. And that the assistance of others is critical to our success.

Recognizing that, and expressing our appreciation, means everything.

In our culture of individualism, we all too often treat reliance on others as a sign of weakness.

As a compromising flaw in the human condition. As a bug in our software.

But reliance is no bug. It’s a feature.

We have relied on others throughout our history. As far back as ancient times, humans have banded together to avoid falling prey to lethal threats surrounding them.

Protecting the future of humanity has always been essential. And the best way to achieve that objective has been to avoid going it alone.

Even the earliest books of the Bible allude to this principle.

When Moses parted the Red Sea, he wasn’t simply going his own way. He was liberating his people from bondage.

Conversely, when Eve wandered alone in the Garden of Eden, she came upon the serpent of temptation. She bit into the forbidden apple, and humanity was cast out of paradise.

The lesson is stark. Going it alone is a recipe for disaster.

As I write this, Western society is fraught with unprecedented divisiveness.

Isolationism is at its peak, and polarization has poisoned public discourse. Facts are under attack, eclipsed by partisan theories and agendas.

Self-reliance is having a moment right now. And those Thank yous in our daily conversations and our email threads have never felt more hollow.

We don’t often think about the paradox this presents. After all, this behavior is now considered normal. And we find little inherent need to cross-examine normalcy.

But the irony grows thicker toward the end of the year, when gratitude is baked into our schedules.

In November, we celebrate those who serve in our military and then have a big meal in celebration of each other. In December, we shower each other with gifts before making a toast about the year to come.

It’s an intriguing eight-week run. One that causes us to reflect on what we have, why we have it and what we have to look forward to.

But our toxic divisiveness has turned this once-joyous period into a chore.

Appreciating veterans for their service has been turned into a litmus test for patriotism. Or a verdict on foreign policy.

Sitting down for Thanksgiving dinner now means going to battle with those at the table who have different views. Or perpetuating our filter bubble if no differences in opinion are present.

Unwrapping gifts on Christmas now means reviving the debate over whether America is a Christian nation. Even as the Constitution clearly separates religion from governance.

And ringing in the New Year now means lamenting how awful the prior year was, and approaching the new one with skepticism.

Our quest to reach self-reliance has reached its destination. And the misery it sows is now swallowing us whole.

We blame The Other for our plight. After all, is what the self-reliance playbook tells us to do.

But that only further deludes us from the truth.

Many years ago, a group of English settlers sat down for a feast on a chilly fall day.

The settlers had left England on some wooden ships, escaping religious persecution there. They crossed the Atlantic Ocean, hoping to land in the recently established Virginia territory and set up a colony there.

But this was centuries before GPS or motorized vessels, and the voyagers drifted off course. They ended up more than 500 miles up the coast from Virginia, in the region that would come to be known as Massachusetts.

The settlers were ill equipped for the frigid winters of the region, or the way the climate hardened the soil.

The attempts to go it alone had failed miserably. Many died of cold and starvation in that first winter. And the survivors seemed doomed to face the same fate, sooner or later.

Yet, the settlers reversed course. They turned to native tribes in the area for assistance in planting crops and building weather-resistant shelter.

Once the harvest was done, the settlers invited the natives to share in a feast of appreciation. A feast that is replicated each year. And one that will take place once again on the week I am writing about this.

Looking back now, this all seems quite remarkable. For we know what happened next.

The fledgling settlements in Virginia and Massachusetts grew into English colonies. Those colonies broke free of England and became the United States. The new nation expanded westward, the surge led by pioneers and frontiersmen out for their own interests. And native tribes like the ones who sat down for that first Thanksgiving dinner were villainized and confined to reservations.

Yes, our entire history has been defined by a divergence from that moment. From the point we thanked others for helping us survive to our current edict of Individualism-At-All-Costs.

We have forgotten our roots. We have abandoned the inclination to rely on each other, and to appreciate each other.

And in the process, we have become lost.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

The power to change our narrative remains in our hands.

We can start by expressing gratitude, as we do each year amongst heapings of turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce and pie.

But we must dig deeper.

We should consider what a Thank you represents. Namely, appreciation for the assistance of others.

We should swallow our pride, and stop running from this assistance. Instead, we should seek it out when we are in need. And we should return the favor to others in need.

These actions represent humanity at its most efficient. These actions show humanity at its best.

Gratitude can be the gateway to this ideal. But only if we open our hearts and our minds to the principles it espouses.

There is great power in thank you. It’s time that we start using it.

Daily Gratitudes

Each day, before I take my first bite of a meal, I do something peculiar.

I bow my head, close my eyes, and sit silently for a moment.

It’s similar to saying grace. But without the interlocking hands. Without the well-worn lines of thankfulness. Without any audible words whatsoever.

You see, I am not a religious man. But I am a man of faith.

Faith in humanity. Faith in the goodness of the world. And faith in the Lord above who provides us the chance to learn and grow, overcome and prosper.

This opportunity is in itself a blessing. For it provides hope eternal.

Through the good times and the bad, joy and strife, we have the opportunity to make our next move brighter than our last one. We have the chance to experience a brighter tomorrow.

This is all too often forgotten in the bustle of life. The speed of our day to day can make these overarching rays of light seem ordinary and obscure.

We hardly take the time to pause, except when we nourish ourselves.

That opportunity is, in itself, a blessing. Something so critical, yet so simple that it becomes automatic.

Not to me.

I believe that meal time is a perfect time to reflect. To bow my head and show my most sincere appreciation.

So, I do so. But quietly and personally.

What do I silently reflect on?

It depends.

I don’t believe in following a time-honored script. I recognize the power of ancient blessings for various food items, passed down through scripture over millennia. I understand the emotional connection forged by saying grace the way a beloved family member once did.

But, in my case, going over the same lines over and over rings hollow. It’s not specific enough.

So, I do something completely different. I think of a new concept to be thankful for each time I sit down for a meal. It could be an opportunity that lies ahead, a fresh experience in my memory or a lesson I learned in the prior few hours.

I reflect on what these opportunities, experiences and lessons bring me. I consider how they will make me stronger, wiser and better.

Then, I express complete humility and gratitude for them.

I mention this not to evangelize these practices. But instead to promote the overarching idea behind them.

On the day this article is posted, I will become a year older. Traditionally, such an occasion is filed with parties, gifts and wishes.

We take these occasions to recognize how much we matter to others. And to let our hopes and dreams fly free.

These are worthy things to celebrate, and worthy aspirations to hold dear.

But why limit them to just one day?

Every day is a gift. A blessing filled with experiences, opportunities and lessons to help us grow.

When we open our mind and open our heart, we can take something valuable out of each and every day. Not just the days when we’re showered with love and attention. Not just the days where we feel on top of the world.

Every day.

Through the tough times and the good ones, we have the ability to see the silver lining. We can  gain valuable perspective each day we’re above ground.

But without reflection, this intuition is lost. And without humility, we are blind to it altogether.

It’s our responsibility to take internalize life’s abundance. To transform our experiences into a brighter next chapter. To seize the opportunities placed in front of us.  To turn lessons to enlightened actions.

How we go about doing this can vary. But whether we’re silently saying grace at the dinner table or taking a walk around the block to breathe in the fresh air, our daily gratitudes mean everything.

Life is a blessing. Don’t take it for granted.

Honor In Humility

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. And as longtime Words of the West readers know, I’m not one to gloss over that fact.

No, while many are excited to get a jump on their holiday shopping or decorate their homes in lights, I’m very much in the moment.

Thanksgiving means more than Family, Food and Football. It means reflecting on all we have to be thankful for.

It’s about gratitude. It’s about appreciation. It’s about humility.

These aren’t emotions we naturally wear on our chest. Mac Davis once sang “Lord, it’s hard to be humble,” and we’ve done little to dispute that claim since then. The rapid rise of tech entrepreneurs and the myth of the self-made man have fooled us into believing that success is solely in our hands.

It’s not.

Truth be told, many people play a supporting role in our life’s work. It starts with our parents, who take care of us when we’re too young to do so ourselves. It continues with our teachers, who help us expand our mind. Then come friends and significant others, who lift us up on an emotional level. And finally, there are all those who provide us opportunities, and allow us to build the life we want.

Think we’d be where we are without any of this? No chance.

Yet, we find it difficult to admit this. At least publicly.

I’m not sure why that is. Is it ego? Pride?

Regardless of the answer, Thanksgiving gets us back to our senses.

It reminds us that there’s actually great honor in humility. In being introspective on our own vulnerability and appreciative of all those who led us through the fire.

It demonstrates that we’re all part of something bigger. That our stories are intertwined and those connections are what truly matter.

I wish we took the time to recognize these principles more than once a year. That allowed ourselves to be vulnerable. To be grateful. To put others first.

But as it is, I’m glad there’s a moment between Halloween Candy and Christmas Trees when we can do all this. When we can rediscover the honor in humility and share it with the ones who matter to us most.

This year, let’s make sure that moment doesn’t pass us by.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Eyes Wide Open

It’s amazing what a bit of perspective can do.

As I grow older, it seems that I’ve finally got my eyes wide open.

Everything is coming into focus. Not only the way the world works and where I fit within it. But also the way I work, and how that affects those around me.

These types of things took time, experience and deep introspection to fully grasp. Yet, once I did grasp them, I found myself full of regret.

Regret for the ignorance of my youth. Regret for the way I once treated those closest to me. Regret for the biased worldview I once carried with me.

Yes, the error of my prior ways rang true and clear. And all I could do is play the What If game, wishing that my current perspective on life also existed in years gone by.

This, of course, is ridiculous.

Our mind doesn’t come fully loaded. We must experience, learn and grow in order to build perspective.

It’s a process that takes time, patience — and a lot of mistakes. To err is human, because the lessons from those errors allow us to explore the boundaries between right and wrong.

This first-hand experience can be messy at times, and even cringe-worthy in hindsight. But it’s also essential.

For without this, we can’t have perspective. We can’t have meaningful introspection. We can’t get to the point where our eyes are wide open.

And that’s a spot worth getting to.

So, let’s take all those regrets we might have for our prior ignorance and replace them with a new sensation — gratitude.

Let’s be grateful for the road we have traveled. For the lessons we have learned. For those who have continually stood by us, even back when we were naïve and immature.

Let’s be grateful for our newfound perspective, and for the time we have ahead of us to apply it to our experiences. Let’s be grateful for all we have now, and for all the great things that could be in store for us moving forward.

Most of all, let’s forge ahead with a clear mind and a full heart.

For while much can be learned from the past, life can’t be lived there.

Best to be looking forward with eyes wide open.

Gratitude Through Turmoil

The holidays are here once again. As we prepare to feast on copious amounts of food, reconnect with loved ones and stress about shopping, a sense of finality is starting to set in.

Yes, although the calendar makers might not have gotten everything right — 30 days have September, April, June and November? Are you kidding me?! —they at least had the common decency to ensure the holiday season puts a tidy bow on the year.

As holidays ramp up, it’s natural to count our blessings. That’s what Thanksgiving was originally about, and it remains a central theme throughout the entire holiday season (along with lights, Santa hats and caroling).

However, I sense something different this time around. In the wake of a particularly trying year — one that has culminated in the most contentious election of our lifetime — a sense of angst has seemingly replaced that of gratitude.

This is far from unexpected. Division and mistrust have been central themes from coast to coast this year, often resulting in anger and violence. We’ve seemingly spent more time pointing the finger at others than we’ve spent trying to heal our fractured society. And we’ve given no indications that we plan on finding collective solutions to these problems anytime soon.

All of this is discouraging. But what upsets me the most is seeing people I look up to sitting in the corner with their head in their hands.

Too many of us are giving up. And that’s unacceptable.

I’ve put myself through the fire multiple times throughout my life, and I know that the moments that test our mettle are the ones that define us. It’s not about being backed into a corner; it’s about how we respond.

Those of us who believe in morality, acceptance and empathy have had a rough go of it recently. This is clear. And the principles of collectivism and inclusiveness have never seemed more like a pipe dream fantasy.

However, we should stop looking at the glass as half-empty. Even in times of turmoil, there is much that’s worthy of our gratitude.

We should be thankful that we hold the principle of decency dear in our hearts. That we pass them along to our children. That we live what we preach.

And we should appreciate that our collective predicament presents a giant opportunity. An opportunity to live our lives righteously, as we have always done. An opportunity to lead by example. And an opportunity to slowly get our society back to one that espouses values that connect and strengthen, rather than divide and weaken.

There is much work to be done. But we have the power to do it.

For that, we should be eternally grateful.

Be Thankful

Thanksgiving is almost upon us. It’s a holiday traditionally dominated by the 3 F’s: Family, Food and Football. But in recent years, it’s become more of an afterthought.

Indeed, many people seem to view Thanksgiving as the day to beat the holiday shopping rush. Others simply use the holiday to fuel up for the next morning’s mall mayhem.

It gets worse. If you’ve been looking at store decorations and ads lately, you’ve surely noticed the holiday season began on November 1st. While I love the holidays as much as anyone, hearing Let It Snow and Jingle Bells while the leaves are still on the trees in the South just feels wrong. Seeing one of our nation’s most significant holidays get swept under the rug because of this leaves me just as uneasy.

It seems we’ve conveniently forgotten the purpose of Thanksgiving. While we deserve credit for using the holiday season to brighten spirits and be good to one another, we shouldn’t bypass a day designated for us to show gratitude. After all, Thanksgiving not only predates our nation, but it’s also pivotal in terms of us having a nation.

The first Thanksgiving was put on by the Puritans in present-day Massachusetts, as show of gratitude towards the native population. When these settlers arrived from England, they were unprepared for the region’s cold winters and didn’t know how to farm efficiently. Although the natives in the area were apprehensive of having a strange group of people in their area, they helped the Puritans survive — which is what inspired the now-traditional feast.

The world has changed a lot since that time. British colonies eventually sprung up across the east coast, followed by the independence of our nation and the expansion of that nation across the continent. All of this likely wouldn’t have happened if the native population hadn’t helped a freezing and famished group of settlers survive, and if those settlers hadn’t expressed their gratitude with a communal feast.

It’s important to remember that, even as we’ve done our best to forget. Today across Oklahoma, there are plenty of reservations and casinos, along with bars that sell watered down beer by law. None of that is a coincidence. As a nation, have not been kind to those who were so gracious to our forefathers, those who deserve better than to have been exploited, relocated and forgotten.

It’s time to bring back that spirit we’ve long forgotten. It’s time to show gratitude for what we have and for those we have around us. It’s time to display the values we stand for as a nation, and show what makes our culture so great.

It’s time to Be Thankful.