Tag: character

The Character Choice

He’s not a bad person. He just has a character flaw.

You might have used this line before. Or heard of someone else who did.

This line has been used for those who smoke or drink too much. For those who act out on occasion or demonstrate a bad temper. For those who lose interest or focus at times when it’s needed.

The point? That the most unsavory characteristics of our behavior can be written off, or explained away.

That the good can cancel out the bad. Or at least make us forget about it for a while.

It’s our way of lightening up. On focusing on the positives rather than dwelling on the negatives. On seeing the good in people rather than dwelling on the bad.

It’s why we have Boys Will Be Boys. Or Girls Just Want To Have Fun.

No harm, no foul.

Shame on us.

This attitude shrugs aside incidents that can ruin lives. It gives a free pass where none is warranted. It leaves us complicit in the abdication of fair treatment.

Worse still, it misinterprets what character truly means.

 

Character is not a flaw. It is a choice.

Think about that statement for a moment. Then think of someone you consider to have character.

What comes to mind?

The way they carry themselves, most likely. The way they act and the things they do.

But if your character role models are anything like mine, another word comes to mind as well.

Consistency.

High-character individuals don’t talk the talk. They walk the walk.

They live the values they embody. Every minute of every day.

There’s no room for flaws in judgment. Character is a choice they make, and one they commit to abide by at all times.

Showing up with the right attitude every day is not as noticeable as flying off the handle now and then. Taking the right actions is not always as noteworthy as screwing up.

Yet, over a wider time frame, it stands out.

People remember what they don’t see from high-character leaders. The lack of meltdowns, embarrassments and lapses in judgment. And that lack of red marks can garner respect and adulation.

Character is not a flaw. It is a choice.

So, how can we get there?

How can we aspire to improve our character? To live into the type of behavior we idolize?

We can start by kicking the free-pass to the curb. By no longer writing off lapses in judgment. By instead yearning for something greater.

For our legacy is measured by its entirety, not its majority.

When we reduce the threshold of acceptable behavior to that second level, we all stand to lose.

We can do better than that.

We must do better than that.

So, let’s stop compromising.

Character is not a flaw. It is a choice.

Choose wisely.

Character or Action?

How should we evaluate people?

This is a concern we all have.

It’s difficult to find the right attributes to benchmark others by, particularly when our heart conflicts with our head.

It’s a challenge to differentiate between character and action.

The divide between character and action is similar to that between effort and execution. We lavish praise for one, yet make important decisions based on another.

In essence, we love to talk about how great people are, and how great they make us feel. But we don’t ultimately judge them on those attributes.

Or at least we shouldn’t.

You see, far too often we hear a familiar refrain.

They haven’t been holding up their end of the bargain, but they’re such a nice person. So, I’m not going to do anything.”

Wait, what?

By relying on a person’s character when making a decision in this scenario, we do more than merely let them off the hook for inaction.

We shortchange ourselves.

Character is good. Character is important. But in a results-based society, character cannot be paramount.

Regardless how strong someone’s character might seem, it’s their actions that make the biggest impact. These actions can help us or hurt us. And we owe it to ourselves to avoid that second outcome.

On a basic level, we understand this delineation. We recognize that we must be firm and objective when evaluating options and making decisions.

But in practice, it’s hard to follow through. After all, we don’t want to appear as cold and heartless. We’d rather not rebuke the kindness we’ve received with a sharp “No thanks.”

So, we put character on a pedestal. We place the soft-skill of likability over the measurable attribute of productivity.

This makes us feel good. It makes us feel like we’re contributing to society, and that we care about others. But these sensations blind us to the damage we’re doing to ourselves.

Yes, despite what folk tale wisdom might say, leading with the heart can be very dangerous.

 

Quality character should be table stakes in our society. There’s no reason for us to treat others badly. We all deserve kindness and respect.

Sadly, not everyone demonstrates this level of character. So, it becomes an object of our desire.

This starts the vicious cycle that send our values out of whack. That prioritizes bedside manner over results.

We must correct course.

We must remember that actions speak louder than words. That character is no substitute for results.

We can continue to promote quality character, of course. To instill it in the hearts and minds of others. Making the world a better place is always worth doing.

But we must leave it there. And not forget where our priorities must lie.

Character speaks loudly. Action speaks loudest.