Celebrate good times. Come on!
If you’ve been to any party or other social gathering with a boombox, you’ve likely heard this song.
And you probably saw someone too old, too overweight or too uncoordinated — or maybe all three — gleefully letting loose on the dance floor to Kool and the Gang’s upbeat rhythms.
It’s an odd mixture. Big smiles, cringeworthy dance moves and a song we rarely listen to on any other occasion.
Yet, it’s as much a part of our culture as Apple Pie and Fireworks on the Fourth of July.
For we are wired to go all-out to recognize accomplishments. To rent out that hotel ballroom, put on our formal wear, hire the expensive DJ and invite all our family and friends to come join us.
We do this for weddings, birthdays and graduations. For anniversaries and reunions. If there’s an accomplishment to be had, it will be celebrated with glamour and gusto.
At first glance, it all seems innocuous enough. After all, what’s so wrong about one night of fun?
A lot, it turns out.
There is a phrase making the rounds. One still riding the embers of the afterglow, a decade after it went viral.
That phrase? Start With Why.
Simon Sinek introduced the phrase to the world through a TEDx Talk and a bestselling book. And many of us have been finding our Why ever since.
On the whole, this is a good thing. We operate better — as people, corporations and social systems — when we have a clear North Star.
Purpose drives passion. Passion drives productivity. And productivity drives results.
But the Start With Why model is not a panacea. It’s a finite resource, meant to be used in moderation. And we’ve spread it way too thin.
Consider this. Many 5-year-olds these days will have a Pre-K Graduation. They’ll put on a miniature cap and gown and pose for pictures. All in front of their beaming parents.
What is the Why behind this celebration? Those kids in the caps and gowns haven’t even gone to school yet. The experience of sitting in those tiny desks, reading what the teacher is writing on the whiteboard — it’s all foreign to them.
No, these Pre-K graduations are all for the parents. It’s another photo opportunity, another chance for a social media status update showcasing their child’s latest accomplishment. Even if that accomplishment is simply being at a daycare center 45 hours a week, while their parents are at the office.
The celebration does not match the occasion.
Compare this with my Kindergarten graduation. My class had a barbecue on an early summer evening with our teachers in the school’s recess yard. Our parents weren’t allowed to attend.
I remember being nervous at first. I had hardly ever been away from my parents or grandparents after dark at that point in my life, and I didn’t know what to expect. But after several hours of running around outside, eating burgers and toasting marshmallows on a campfire, I was actually bummed when my parents came to pick me up. I wanted to stay longer.
The barbecue was a celebration. But it was very down to earth.
I don’t remember feeling as if I had accomplished anything in particular. I just remember having fun hanging out with my friends and teachers.
And for a shy, introverted kid, that was sufficient.
Our daily lives are full of accomplishments these days.
If you participate in a 5K race, you’ll get a finisher medal. Even if it takes you an hour and a half to walk the course.
If you’re a teenage girl, you get to sport a fancy evening gown and ride in a limo. Simply for turning sixteen.
And if you’re done with daycare, you get that Pre-K graduation.
These disparate celebrations have one thing in common. They’re really all about showing up.
About making your way to the 5K course. About waking up on your sixteenth birthday. About being at that daycare program day after day — even if you’re too young to have anywhere else to go anyway.
Is this really how we want to define accomplishment? As the moments we reach by default?
I certainly hope not.
For accomplishments are not about the end of a chapter. They’re not about the changing of a calendar field. Or adding another year to our age.
Those are arbitrary occurrences that occur without our direct influence.
No, accomplishments — true accomplishments — are that which we attain through transformation. They’re markers of the change we either initiate or manage. They’re our reflection after we get to the other side of that tunnel.
When it comes to our personal lives, marriage is an accomplishment. So is the advent of parenthood.
On the work side of the equation, earning a promotion to a new position can be an accomplishment. And if your work leads to a positive change in society, that’s an accomplishment as well.
Simply showing up is not sufficient. To realize an accomplishment, you have to give something more.
As I write this, I am not far removed from my MBA graduation.
Not long ago, I put on a cap, gown and decorative hood. I walked across a stage in a basketball arena, and was handed a diploma cover. I posed for endless pictures, holding my smile in place until my face hurt.
In the weeks after this occasion, dozens of people offered congratulations. They talked about what a significant achievement this was, and asked me what I had planned to do next.
The thing is, I’m actually not done with my business school classes yet.
My MBA program actually holds ceremonies for summer graduates three months before the completion date of our classes. So, the inside of that diploma cover is empty. All of those well-wishes premature.
Some of my classmates speak of how odd the whole situation has been. Of how the graduation ceremony felt like a tease.
Yet, I do not share these laments.
I am still not sure what we were celebrating in the first place. Because I don’t view the act of completing an MBA program as an accomplishment.
Now, I’m sure some of my dear readers might consider this statement to be crazy. Perhaps most of them do.
After all, business school is no day at the beach. It’s challenging, stressful and transformative.
But if you boil it all down, an MBA program is a service. A service I paid for and have, at the time of this writing, nearly completely attained.
An MBA can open doors. But, as with any university degree, it alone guarantees me nothing.
So, from that perspective, considering my graduation an accomplishment is akin to getting a trophy for showing up. Not my cup of tea.
This is not to say that such celebrations as an MBA graduation are worthless.
For while I feel the near-completion of a business school regimen is not significant on its own, the opportunities it can unlock certainly are.
Those opportunities, when realized, represent the true accomplishments from this endeavor.
But they’re only possible if you go through the ringer first. If you show up and don’t give up. If you do the seemingly ordinary things that lead you to sport a cap and gown. The very things that lead to a disproportionate of well-wishes from onlookers.
Society considers the aggregation of these mundane moments as accomplishments. I prefer to call them stepping stones.
Such a term represents the long game, not the endgame. It illustrates a fluid state of affairs — one where each seminal moment leads to the next challenge.
The stepping stone analogy taps into the power of connection.
Of the ties that bind between our experiences.
Of how, in the words of Semisonic, Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
There is something blissfully pure about that concept.
I find strength in it. I’m sure you can as well.
Sure, it’s not quite as fun as throwing a party for the next milestone. And it might demand more introspection than we’re comfortable with.
But that dash of perspective keeps us aligned. It inspires us to keep climbing, keep aspiring, keep achieving.
That’s a great gift to give ourselves and those around us.
Let’s give it.