There are many qualities we look at when classifying others. Social skills, personality, smarts, looks — these come to mind instantly. A far more uncommon consideration — at least outside the niche of job interviews — is resilience.
Yet, it just might be our ultimate defining quality.
Think about it.
When things are going well, we’re in control of our lifestyle. We get into our comfort zone, things work out for us, and we have the ability to project those good vibes towards others. This is the warm, fuzzy zone where the theory of Being Our Best Self comes from.
But life is more than just sunshine and rainbows. It’s storm clouds too.
There are times in all of our lives when we find ourselves in adverse situations, when things don’t go our way. And it brings up questions.
How do we respond? Which vibes do we project in these moments? What do we take from the experience?
The answers can be telling.
This is why I pay close attention to how the people I’m acquainted with handle adversity — and why I’m sure others pay close attention to how I handle tough times.
***
It takes internal fortitude to get through adversity. I recognize this much better now than I did earlier in life.
Growing up, I was resistant to change, and I didn’t respond well when things didn’t go my way. I wasn’t much of a risk-taker, and I planned things out in my mind well ahead of time; that way, life could be predictable and within my comfort zone as much as possible.
But then, things changed.
In the past decade, I’ve moved to a new city three times — each time, hardly knowing a soul in the place God had led me to. The first move was a comfortable one — I was on a college campus with a bunch of other freshmen, and I made friends quickly.
The second move was far different — out to the West Texas desert, and the real world. A world where being simply being new in the neighborhood built no bridges to the surrounding community.
I remember the afternoon my dad left town after getting me settled. I went back to my new apartment, lay down on my new futon in the living room — and slept for 10 hours. Then, I went to my bedroom and slept for 8 more.
I was so lonely and scared, I didn’t want to wake up.
In that moment of extreme adversity, I gave myself a mental pep talk.
This is not who you are. Go out and be yourself.
Those words got me out of my apartment that day. No matter how apprehensive I felt inside, I was going to prove to the world — and myself —that I was exactly the same person I always had been.
I learned a lot from that experience, which is why I keep it in the back of my mind. Those lessons have come in handy many times, including during my move to the Dallas area and subsequent career change.
***
While I don’t expect others to face so many adverse situations in their lives — or to willingly put themselves in those situations, as I did — I would advise those who come across adversity to stay consistent and true to themselves. It’s also important to use the lessons from that experience productively moving forward.
For there will always be more moments of adversity down the road. Moments when it pays to heed the following words.
Show me adversity. I’ll show you strength.