You’ve probably heard the phrase “I’m going to be my best self today” before.
I think it’s a load of bull.
The person who we are and the person who others see — that should be the same person. If we’re putting different versions of ourselves on display, it means at least one of them ain’t real. And that ain’t right.
We owe it to our loved ones and ourselves to be real. What you see is what you get.
But what if others don’t like what they see? Then there are three options: create different personas to please everyone, stay true to yourself and please no one, or make changes in order to find a middle ground.
When people talk about being their best selves, they think they’re choosing the third option, but really they’re going for Column A. This makes them superficial and shallow.
If you’re shallow, others will walk right over you.
No one wants that, but in the quest to be “our best selves,” we end up in that particular lava pit — fossilizing into a meaningless existence, the memory of which will eventually be forgotten when others find something new to fawn over.
I know this, because I’ve been there.
The place I was raised is not the place I call home today. The road from one to the other was long and winding, and once I got to my destination, there was a temptation to shun the path I’d traveled to get there. It was easy to pretend that I dropped out of the blue, that my past was insignificant.
But that was wrong.
I’ve learned to embrace my past and my future. Sure, it can lead to a lot of awkward conversations with the people I’ve interacted with at various touchpoints on the incomprehensible path I’ve taken — there is no Google Maps for my life; it’s been mostly uncharted. But at the end of the day, I’m being real with everyone I come across, and that sentiment is translatable.
So what to do when you’re trying to improve your life without falling into the “best self” abyss?
It’s simple.
Think about what the change is for.
Is it to change other’s perception of you, or to improve your own life? Is is to improve your popularity or to grow your self esteem?
These attributes are often lumped together, but they shouldn’t be. Basing changes to your own life off of the predicted reactions of others is the shallowest and most selfish thing you can do. Gradually improving your life habits while staying on course with your True North will not only help you live a fuller life, but also help solidify your legacy.
Someone who’s real is golden. Someone who’s real and on the continual path toward self-improvement is memorable.
So instead of trying to be your best self, focus on being your only self. Don’t reinvent it. Improve it.
(And don’t post naked bathroom selfies on Facebook. You’re better than that.)