Dylan Brooks | Words of the West

Sharing the Burden

It’s not you. It’s me.

We’ve heard this cliché line again and again. And we know it means bad news.

Regardless whether these words come during a breakup or the breakdown of a business partnership, they effectively mean, “It’s over.”

Or, more accurately, “It’s over ‘cause I said it’s over. You had no hand in the decision.”

What a load of bull.

Of course, the other party had a hand in the decision, whether they know it or not. And pretending to fall on one’s sword over who’s to blame only serves to paint that other party as the villain.

It’s a twisted bit of guilt-tripping that paints a gray world as black and white.

Here’s the truth: If it takes two to make a thing go right, it takes two to make a thing go wrong as well. Partnerships are a shared burden. And when things break down beyond repair, both parties are culpable for letting go of that burden.

Now, this is not to say that all blame gets split 50-50. There are times in any partnership where one half of the equation might not act in good faith. Spouses might cheat, business partners might act fraudulently and friends might make selfish choices. In these instances, the blame for these actions fall on the offending parties alone.

Forgiveness could understandably be fleeting in times like these, as the moral ground has clearly been tilted. But if these feelings of tension and anger lead to the end of a partnership, the blame goes both ways.

For the fact remains that both parties once agreed to enter into that partnership in good faith. The dissolution of that partnership — justified or not — is the very definition of bad faith.

In the wake of this decision, the hoodwinked party should not be considered a victim. Instead, they’re guilty of dealing themselves a bad hand — even if 20-20 Hindsight is the only way they could know it. And they will ultimately have to pay the price for the decision they made — a price that will manifest itself in the ashes and scars of a once-promising agreement that goes down in flames.

So, don’t be fooled: There are no winners when a partnership breaks down. The responsibility weighs heavy, and both parties are eternally beholden to sharing the burden. Punting or posturing will only get them crushed in the end.

Put “It’s not you. It’s me” out of your mind. The only word that matters is us.

The Double Edge of Virality

Virality is in.

What was once 15 Minutes of Fame is now something far more timeless.

Ever since the early days of YouTube, making it big on the Internet has meant instant recognition. Today, it’s an obsession.

We can’t help ourselves. We want to be known, to be popular. It only takes one lasting visual —one that’s accessible by billions of people in an instant — for us to achieve that goal.

So, we trip over ourselves to star in creative moments. We do outlandish and embarrassing things on camera to build our global name. We master the art of the Meme and the GIF — two terms only geeks knew of 15 years ago — in order to plaster our face on them in head-turning ways.

Since virality is our golden ticket to instant stardom, sacrificing our dignity for an eternity in the sun seems worthwhile.

But it cuts both ways. Are we really ready to live with that double edge?

I’m not talking about the consequences of being eternally known as the person who screwed up an exercise ball trick. Or as one of the soldiers who gave a monkey a loaded AK-47. (For the love of God, do not try this. Ever.)

Those infamous videos are the result of poor decisions. As far as I’m concerned, the people who humiliated themselves in them can reap what they sow.

No, I’m talking about the Pandora’s Box our viral obsession unleashes.

You see, our continual quest to stoke our ego has turned virality into an untamed beast. We can now go viral at any time, even when we’re not looking to. And if we’re caught in a moment of misfortune with cameras rolling, we could end up wearing that unwanted humiliation like a scarlet letter for the rest of our lives.

Consider Dr. David Dao. If you don’t recognize that name, you’re part of the problem. Dr. Dao is the man you saw being yanked out of his seat and violently dragged off of a United Airlines plane so that other extra airline employees could take his seat. You saw it because another passenger posted a harrowing video of the ordeal on Twitter, a video that immediately went viral.

This incident led to universal outrage. United’s stock prices took a beating, and they stand to lose hundreds of millions of dollars in future business because of their tarnished reputation. The longstanding procedure of overbooking flights — by both United and its rival airlines — has also come into question.

But, do you know what wasn’t discussed? How all of this would affect Dr. Dao.

Sure, there were the musings of how much money he would stand to gain from an upcoming lawsuit against United Airlines. There was the press conference, where Dao’s lawyer claimed Dao was more terrified as he was being dragged off that flight in Chicago than he was when he fled Saigon in 1975. There was some journalistic muckraking in regards to his troubled past.

What there wasn’t was compassion for the man’s predicament as a victim of virality.

Now, maybe I’m more empathetic than most, but I feel that’s not right. No amount of money from United’s coffers will ever reconcile Dr. Dao’s unwanted moment of fame. He will be known for the rest of the life as the bloodied man being dragged down the aisle of a plane by airport police as passengers watch in horror.

His chances of making a more dignified name for himself are ruined.

Dr. Dao most assuredly didn’t want any of this. He just wanted to make it back to Louisville and get on with his life.

Thanks to a callous bout of misfortune, a smartphone video camera and a societal thirst for virality, he will never have that chance.

That’s a damned shame.

So, let this be a lesson. One that teaches us to be cognizant of the cost of our viral obsession. One that illustrates the point that virality can not only improve lives, but also ruin them.

For while it’s easier than ever for us to connect and build a name for ourselves in the era we live in, we must understand that this rising tide does not lift all boats.

Proceed with caution.

The Space We Create

All around me, things are changing.

The Dallas-Fort Worth area is expanding rapidly, and the sights and sounds a mile or so up the road from me bear witness to that transformation.

Heavy equipment is clearing the land, leveling the dirt and setting up roads and street lights. Soon, the frameworks of dozens of homes will go up. And before you know it, what was once a field where wildflowers bloomed and cattle grazed will be a shiny, new neighborhood.

I’ve become a bit immune to all of this. Four years ago, I could take a short drive up the highway and see plenty of these pastures. Now, those spaces are filled with strip malls, megastores, restaurants, entertainment venues and homes.

Heck, my supermarket was once a field covered in mesquite brush. I think about that every time I pull into the parking lot to load up on groceries.

It’s as if we flipped a switch. What was once God’s green earth has become a place essential to our lives, a place where memories are made.

Those new neighborhoods? Families will make their lives there, and children will grow up there. That area will mean everything to those who call it home.

Those new stores and strip malls? They’ll become woven into our routines, the way that supermarket has become part of mine.

Those entertainment centers and restaurants? They’re where good times will be had, romances will be grown and new chapters among friends and families will be written.

Yes, a simple construction boom can result in a multitude of stories — many happy ones, some sad ones and even a few tragic ones. All in a setting that appeared out of thin air.

This is a testament to societal growth. But though these changes serve to benefit us, it’s best that we don’t forget what came before.

For while we identify with the structures that frame our memories — our childhood home, our favorite restaurant — we must remember that all of it is an illusion.

At one point, the land we now inhabit was nothing more than that. The structures we’ve created came from the dirt — the same dirt we will return to when our time is done.

Now, it’s true that much of the space we’ve created predates our existence. But in the moments where it doesn’t, we owe it to ourselves to recognize all that is lost in the transformation between the natural order and the human order.

We must recognize our impact, both for better and for worse. And we must keep our achievements in proper context.

For the space create may help us shape our own stories. But the ground we build upon tells an eternal story all its own — one far greater than the scope of anything we’ve created.

We’d be fools not to give nature proper due. So, let’s look beyond the lens of our own ingenuity and appreciate the presence of something far greater.

The ground we live on is sacred. Respect it.

Holding Back

There’s this thing that Seth Godin does nearly every time he delivers a keynote.

At some point, he’ll ask the everyone in the audience to raise their right hand, as high as they can.

When everyone has complied, he asks the following:

“Now raise it higher.”

Invariably, most of the audience will lift their arm another inch or so in the air. This leads Godin to muse, “Mmm, what’s that about?”

Of course, that’s the point. The exercise serves as visual proof of our propensity to hold a little bit back.

But while Godin goes on to explain how this thinking is a remnant of industrialized society — where we’re taught to leave a bit in reserve in the event someone asks us for more — I think our tentative tendencies go even further.

I think we hold a bit back as a means of self-preservation.

You see, for as much as we idolize those who “go all out,” we’re inherently fearful of the potential dangers that are unlocked by a full effort.

Sure, I could run as fast and as hard as I could, all the time, but then I might blow out my Achilles tendon. And if that happens, how will I get down the stairs? How will I get to work? How will I drive to the supermarket to pick up groceries?

Better to play it safe by holding back.

And this is not just a physical phenomenon. We hold a little back when formulating ideas or supporting causes, all because of the chance we might fail. What we champion might not work or be fully accepted — and if that happens, we better have an exit strategy if we want any chance of saving face.

So yes, holding back is a crucial construct for acceptance and protection. It’s as essential as the governor in a car or the blowout preventer on an oil rig; it shields us from the dangers of flying too close to the sun.

But while there might be valid reasons for avoiding full throttle, must we hold back so much? Protecting ourselves from grave danger is one thing. Insulating ourselves from any sign of disappointment is another.

While we might not like it when things don’t go our way, we must be willing to take some chances. We must summon the courage to give a little more, to devote ourselves something that might not work out.

We shouldn’t be reckless, of course. But we shouldn’t short-circuit our potential on account of our fears either.

After all, life is defined by experiences. And shielding ourselves in a bubble is not living.

So, let’s not permit “What if” block us from exploring “What is.” Let’s open our hearts and our minds to the world.

It’s time to stop holding back.

The Great Contradiction

Nothing is ever as it seems.

This statement serves as gospel at a magic show, in the CIA or during a poker tournament. The illusion is part of the game. A necessary element to achieve the objective.

But while we accept shades of gray in these isolated environments, we fail to consider the greater impact of this phenomenon. Life is full of contradictions that we must not only navigate, but also learn from.

None of us are immune to contradiction. Heck, my advice is full of it.

Consider this: I’ve shared messages of selfless improvements in this space, and then gone and spouted off about the benefits of exercise. Messages like these run against the grain, as exercise is one of the more selfish improvements out there.

Or is it?

You see, no one else besides you directly benefits from exercise. Your body stands to get stronger. Your health and stamina stand to improve. Your chances of living a longer life increase.

But that added time and improved outlook, those open the door to indirect benefits. To more opportunities to connect with others and make an impact.

When you look at it this way, exercise can be classified as a selfish activity that sets a foundation for selfless results.

And this concept of contradiction runs even deeper in our daily lives. Our trust, our love, our attention all have limits — limits directly tied to reciprocity. What’s in it for us is a real concern as we navigate how to assist others, and how to leave the world better than we found it.

Now, I realize that unpeeling this particular onion can be unsettling. It’s not in our DNA to question human nature, and an inward focus has been key to our survival for millennia. After all, there’s a reason why Look Out for Number One has been a rallying cry that’s stood the test of time.

That said, it’s crucial that we get comfortable with this setup in order to build off it. For in a sharing economy, contradictions are opportunities to iterate. They’re opportunities to take an inward-focused concept and apply them in a way the does greater good.

So, we must look beyond black and white. We must consider the silver linings our choices provide in this strange, contradictory world.

When there are none, we should move on. But otherwise, we should feel obligated to act.

For sometimes, what seems like a worthless choice can actually do a world of good.

Dress To Impress

How much does our fashion sense matter?

In certain moments, a lot.

We understand that when it’s a black-tie event, we better dress to the nines. And we don’t show up for the job interview in an AC/DC T-shirt and torn jeans.

But what about the rest of the time, when there are no wedding photographers to pose for or potential bosses to impress?

When informality fails to stick out like a sore thumb, how will we respond?

It’s a valid question in the wake of Leggingsgate — where a United Airlines gate agent barred a couple of young women from boarding a plane because they were wearing leggings.

The gate agent was technically justified in her action. The women were using their status as relatives of United employees to fly free, and this left them subject to a dress code. Still, the story led to widespread uproar. Uproar that only intensified when United doubled down on the policy and a rival airline poked fun at it.

This entire fiasco was bad optics for Untied (as a family friend likes to call them). But it also brought the issues plaguing our new society to a new realm — The Friendly Skies.

On one side of this battle are thousands of angry people — many of them women — fighting for the right to wear whatever they want while in the air. On the other side is United Airlines — who is trying to tell people what they can wear on board.

It’s a compelling battle. And both sides are wrong.

***

Technically, we should be allowed to wear what we want, when we want. It is a free country, after all. But having the freedom to dress however we want and actually doing so are two different things — particularly when it comes to catching a flight.

Yes, air travel is a unique situation. We’re crammed in close quarters within a metal tube for several hours — and hundreds of strangers are judging us for the duration. How we look, how we act — and yes, whether we wear deodorant — nothing goes unnoticed.

This is an uncomfortable proposition to many travelers, so they go to great lengths to ignore the elephant in the room. They dress how and act how they want, in part, to put a barrier between them and the issue.

However, I view this situation air travel provides as something else — an opportunity.

A plane ride is a chance to make a good first impression for a new crowd of people. And it all starts with the way I dress.

So, no T-shirts and flip-flops for me. My flying attire just about always consists of a button-down shirt, paired with either some nice slacks and dress shoes or a pair of boots and cowboy cut jeans. When I’m feeling less formal, I might dip into the polo, jeans and sneakers look.

Why this look? For one thing, it’s nice to have some nice attire when on vacation — and wearing some of my nicer clothes on the plane keeps it from getting wrinkled or crushed within my luggage. (This is also the reason I’ll wear a baseball hat or a cowboy hat on occasion.)

But my fashion choices are also a statement. They’re a proclamation that I treat the ability to fly as what it is — a privilege. And they serve notice of my intention to respect that privilege by acting with grace.

Essentially, I dress and act the same way classy way I hope to be treated by others.

And it works! In a world where in-flight etiquette is often questionable, fellow passengers generally act courteously toward me. Some even go as far as to strike up conversations with me on account of my attire.

It all makes the extra hassle at TSA worth it. (They have a field day with my boots and big ol’ belt buckle.)

***

Now, I don’t expect everyone to treat flying as a formal event. A plane ride is still just a journey from one city to another. Ladies, if you’d feel more comfortable traveling in yoga pants, a V-neck T-shirt and flip flops, go on ahead with it.

But let’s not forget that there are consequences to our choices. And while getting turned away at the gate for how we dress might be a bridge too far, we shouldn’t act as if our choice in attire doesn’t matter.

It does.

Like it or not, people are watching — and they’re reacting to what they see. It’s human nature.

Fortunately, we have the power to steer this narrative. But the obligation is on us, and us alone.

Our fashion choices while five miles high tell a story. What will yours be?

The Light Bulb Moment

What happens when it all clicks?

When something that was once difficult to grasp suddenly makes sense. When what was once murky becomes crystal clear in our mind.

It’s pretty magical, ain’t it?

I call this instance “The Light Bulb Moment.”

Just like electric light, it can illuminate at the flip of a switch. And just like many other significant moments in life, it can be difficult to fully explain the sensation we feel when this happens.

Why is that? Well, there are a mix of emotions at play each time that switch is flipped.

On one hand, there’s a heightened sense of relief. Something that was one frustrating and exhausting for us to comprehend — such as a math principle or a business operation — suddenly requires far less effort, and we can step back take a deep breath.

But on the other hand, there’s often a desire to act upon what we can now comprehend — and quickly. This is inspired by both the excitement of testing our newfound understanding and the fear of it disappearing from our mind, should we fail to take immediate action.

It’s the balance between these conflicting triggers — one encouraging us to relax, the other spurring us further into the fray — that gives us those warm fuzzies that are hard to articulate with words. It’s what sends us into mad scientist mode, tinkering with that newly understood concept with a smile glued to our face.

And while this all might seem a bit odd and contrarian, The Light Bulb Moment reflects the human condition better than nearly every other situation.

You see, there’s a misconception that people just want everything to be easy and require little work. A misconception that we all want our version of the Staples Easy Button (y’all remember those, right?) in all walks of life.

Thing is, this is not entirely true. As a whole, humans are not lazy or averse to a challenge. We’re happy to put in the work, provided we understand what it is we’re doing and what the outcome of it will be.

Essentially, we just want everything to be clear. To not have to spend a ton of effort trying to grasp a concept or purpose.

This will make us more efficient and less flustered as we take on the myriad tasks life puts in our path. Both of these attributes allow us to be at our best. After all, frustration is hardly humanity’s best look.

This is why we devote ourselves to training and education. Why we value communication and teamwork. For the less time we spend trying to catch up, the more time we can spend in getting ahead.

That’s far more valuable.

So, we should cherish these light bulb moments. We should continue to seek them out and learn from them. But most importantly, we should continue to act on them.

For the more we do, the brighter our future becomes.

The One Word Challenge

How would you describe someone in one word?

It’s a tricky proposition — one I recently put to the test when I asked friends and family which word they’d use to describe me.

The answers I received were as fascinating as they were wide-ranging.

Bold
Loyal
Engaging
Generous
Welcoming

(For the record, the word I’d use to describe myself is “Driven.”)

Now, I know this sounds like a good spell of ego-baiting. But as someone who equates fishing for complements with fishing with dynamite, I can assure you that is not the purpose of this exercise.

No, the One Word Challenge is as much a deep-thinking exercise than anything else. And it’s more important than we’d prefer to admit.

Why do I say this? Because we live in a world where we take far too much for granted, even though we know we shouldn’t. And in particular, because we fail to recognize the fleeting nature of time and words until they’re taken from us.

This pervasive behavior allows us to live carefree, to enjoy our time with one another free of the foreboding that hangs on our eventual separation. Yet, it inevitably leads to regret at the end. To words left unsaid. To moments left unspent.

The solution to this conundrum is twofold. First, we must make every effort to cherish every moment we spend together. And second, we must refine our methods of taking stock of all we have.

That’s where the One Word Challenge comes in.

You see, we have a tendency to be long winded and eloquent when singing each other’s praises or sharing memories. This trend allows us to connect powerfully through emotion. It’s why we have speeches at weddings, at funerals and after winning awards.

But speeches should not be the only way we size each other up.

We still must be able to distill our relationship with others down to the basics. We must understand on a basic level what draws us to those we hold most dear. We must determine what they bring to us and what we give to them.

And it doesn’t get more basic than one word.

Now, this all might seem like little more than a framing exercise. But it’s much more.

I say the One World Challenge is a bridge.

It allows us to get to a common ground of understanding with those in our inner circle. To be aware of what draws us to each other, what we learn from each other and what we can do with that knowledge.

In an experiential society, this communication can help define our achievements while ensuring we stay true to our core. It can help inspire us to reach for the stars, yet still keep our feet rooted in the ground.

This delicate balance is what moves the world forward, and it’s best expressed in a two-word exchange.

So, go ahead and take the challenge. See how powerful one word can be.

Own The Moment

The stars shine bright when the lights are brightest.

This line might seem a bit cliché, but there’s a measure of truth to it. The most captivating performances do tend to come from those who own the moment.

I still remember the first time I recognized how true this statement could be. I was 14 years old, watching Allen Iverson take over a game at Madison Square Garden. Under the bright lights of perhaps basketball’s most iconic arena, “The Answer” scored basket after basket down the stretch — silencing 20,000 jeering fans and salting away a win for the Philadelphia 76ers.

It was amazing to see Iverson take that stage, that moment, and make it his own. But then again, that’s what great athletes do. People remember Michael Jordan, Tom Brady and Derek Jeter not only because of their immense talent, but also because of their ability to own the moment on their sports’ biggest stages. Here in Dallas, Dirk Nowitzki will be remembered as much for willing the Mavericks to the 2011 NBA championship as he will be for his Hall of Fame-level career statistics.

Yes, the greatest athletes know how to own the moment. But they’re not the only ones.

We all have an opportunity to own our moments too.

You see, there are times in each of our lives where the lights are on us. Whether we’re talking about a presentation or a proposal, a career change or a self-improvement project, the objective remains the same — own it.

What does that mean?

It means putting your heart into it. Devoting yourself to the moment itself as much as the outcome of it.
It means staying prepared. Taking the time and initiative beforehand to ready yourself for that moment.
It means being confident. Understanding that success is a mindset, and that fear of failure has no place in it.

Ultimately, owning the moment means embracing an aura of achievement. When the spotlight is on our face, our vigilance, devotion and attitude will tell the world the type of person we are — that we will take that light and make it ours.

Now, I realize that this requires extra work, intense focus and some soul searching. That might not seem palatable, particularly for the strenuous situations we must get through.

Still, it’s crucial that we focus on owning all of the moments we come across. It’s tantamount to survival.

After all, no one remembers those who let the moments swallow them whole. It’s the ones who rise to the occasion who tend to see success and recognition.

So, embrace those moments still ahead of you. Be thankful for the opportunities they bring.

Prepare. Devote. Believe.

The outcome might not be entirely in your hands, but your outlook sure is.

Own the moment.

What’s Granted

How much do we take for granted?

A lot.

The way we live. Our basic comforts. Whose company we cherish.

We don’t think twice about any of this. We assume it’s all part of the baseline from which we make our mark in the world.

It’s only when these assumptions are violently shattered — when we suddenly lose a loved one, our possessions or our status — that we start to consider how good we had it. We realize what we once took for granted only after it’s too late.

Why do we act like this? What makes us so tone-deaf to the fragility of all we rely on, of all that we hold dear?

The answer tugs at the root of the human condition.

We are naturally protective beings. This is why we’ve circled our wagons around our family and our territory for years.

The unwavering protection of what’s ours make us unique. After all, animals have been known to eat their young or wander nomadically.

But these traits also leave us in a conundrum. In order to protect our turf and our loved ones we must remain vigilant in fighting off all threats against them. But fighting is exhausting and energy is a finite resource. How can we be the continual protectors without burning out?

The answer lies in mitigation, in situational thinking. We accept our situation as normal and assume its permanence. This allows us to save our energy to only fight off imminent threats.

The irony is by hard-wiring ourselves to take what we cherish most for granted, we actually open ourselves to a far more advanced form of damage. Change becomes trying; emotions like grief and fear are all the more profound because we refuse to accept our situation as transient.

And when we are hit with a sudden change or loss, the pain of regret makes coping more difficult. If only I knew what I had when I had it becomes a common refrain. The wounds of our oblivious past linger as scars on our present and future.

This is a destructive pattern, but there is a way out of the maelstrom.

We must stop taking all we cherish for granted.

We must consider that all we hold dear has an expiration date — and that we do as well. We must embrace this uncomfortable fact and show continual gratitude for all we have. We must hold each other close, knowing a day will come when we let go. We must live for today, since tomorrow is no given.

This won’t take away the pain of loss or the uncertainty of change. But it will make the moments we share richer and the lives we live more vibrant. It will free us of the burden of regret, while allowing us to discover our true potential.

With this in mind, it’s time we open our eyes.

Nothing is granted. Everything is a privilege. Act accordingly.

Author: Dylan Brooks