Just say no.
If you turned on your television back in the 1980s, you likely heard those three words.
They came from First Lady Nancy Reagan. And they were part of the War on Drugs campaign.
The United States was in plenty of shadow conflicts at the time. The Cold War was ever present. The War on Poverty appeared to be a lost cause. The War on Inflation had yielded a brutal recession.
But the War on Drugs was getting plenty of outsize attention. Because the future of our kids was at stake.
Now, the future of our kids was at stake plenty of times before. Teenagers tend to be rebellious, after all. And those signs of rebellion – rock and roll music, dancing, roller blading — those have traditionally come under fire by buttoned-up older generations.
But this was different. This time, the offender was a public health hazard. One that we’d turned a blind eye to for far too long.
So, our nation took dead aim. Arrests for possession accelerated. Sentence lengths for dealing skyrocketed. And the crisis abated.
Or at least that was what we told ourselves.
For we were already onto the next frontier — big tobacco. Over the course of the 1990s, the sight of teenagers smoking went from normal to noteworthy.
Advertising for cigarettes declined — per government degree — and buying a pack became much more tedious. As a result, fewer young people gave it a try.
This seemed like a massive success. But there was no time to celebrate. For once again, it was on to the next challenge.
The new enemy arose around the time I reached my teenage years. This one wasn’t a pill, a powder, or a cigarette. It was online poker — a game my peers were flocking to, despite not having the money to back their bids.
Legislators had long dealt with this problem by restricting access to gambling venues, through licensing and age minimums. But the Internet opened a gateway for teens to walk through. And walk through, they did.
So, the authorities cracked down. They started going after the owners of poker websites, while putting out Public Service Announcements about the dangers of gambling.
It didn’t work out as intended.
For it turned out that the online poker fiasco was just the tip of the iceberg. Technology was opening a Pandora’s Box of issues for adolescents — including new ways to access drugs and inhale nicotine.
Fending off those myriad issues turned into a giant game of whack-a-mole. Those leading the charges were a step behind.
Just say no wasn’t quote as straightforward as it seemed.
Why did Nancy Reagan’s initiative go so awry?
Was it the messaging? The tactics? The inability to anticipate the whims of youth?
All these issues likely played a role. But I believe the biggest fault lies at the root.
Just say no trivialized the concept of abstinence. It made quitting seem as trivial as flipping a light switch — a simple task with instant results.
But it’s never quite that simple.
It turns out that abstinence campaigns are asking a lot of us. They’re demanding that we break with habit and go against the grain. All while ignoring the related challenges that are sure to arise along the way.
And those challenges are doubly prominent with adolescents. After all, teenagers are naturally primed to go against the grain. That’s the impetus behind the rule bending and troublemaking that gives older generations such distress.
Asking teenagers to rebel against their rebelliousness on a dime can be straight up delusional. Yet, this is precisely what we tried with Just say no.
No wonder it flopped.
How can I help?
These four words were meant to be my compass.
So said the internship coordinator at CBS News on my first day there.
I was meant to be continually useful, searching for projects to assist with whenever I had a free moment. Saying no was not an option.
I was barely beyond my own adolescence at this point. Fresh off rebellious years that proved to be anything but, I was keen to answer the call.
So, I set up green screen backdrops. I reordered archive tapes. I watched arcane news clips until I knew them by memory.
It wasn’t a glamorous role, but it fulfilled the mission. It proved I was helpful, useful, and perhaps worthy of a future job opportunity.
Still, I finished those eight weeks unsettled. For it seemed to me that finding a footing in TV news — or any other industry — meant never saying no to anything.
It didn’t matter if the pay was too low, the risk was too great, or life was getting in the way. Declining an opportunity might slam the door on your career before it could even get established.
This mentality is now pervasive in our society. Openness and flexibility are cornerstones of our culture.
That’s often a good thing. But not always.
You see, agreeableness requires sacrifice. We put aside our own needs to cater to the demands of others.
The benefits of this trade — acceptance, opportunity, prosperity — make it palatable. But we can only truly flourish if we look out for ourselves as voraciously as we do for others. And sometimes that means going against the grain.
It means just saying no.
Several years back, I got an invite to a fancy gala.
It had all the fixings. Black tie. Hors d’oeuvres. And a guest list that featured several friends.
I had every reason to go. I would get to dress up and live it up with people I cared about.
There was only one problem: I didn’t want to go. At all.
So, I went against the grain. I declined the invite, without providing an alibi. And I didn’t regret it.
That gala was the first time in a while that I remember actively saying no to something. But it wouldn’t be the last.
Indeed, I’ve declined all manner of invites and requests in subsequent years. I’m selective when I do this — I don’t want to jeopardize my career or my friendships. But the days of me being an automatic Yes have long passed.
And I have flourished as a result.
Perhaps this is the Just say no that we can get behind. One where our own compass guides the way, rather than one foisted upon us from others.
This method won’t be perfect. But it holds the promise of being better than the status quo.
Going against the grain is never easy. But sometimes it’s needed.
When it is, let’s do it right.