Off the mark.
Regardless of our disposition, those are three words we don’t like to hear.
It means something’s askew. Something’s not as it should be.
This sensation doesn’t sit well with us. So, we seek a cure for it.
We set out to figure out why.
All too often, this means finding the culprit and taking corrective action. Doing so gets us to the three magic words we like a whole lot more: Back on track.
We use this framework to solve problems all the time. It’s efficient and actionable. But it features one major flaw.
Subjectivity.
You see, when something is off the mark, malice is seldom to blame. We don’t all walk around looking to stab each other in the back. No, we thrive on the concepts of trust and community. And we have done so since the earliest days of humanity, when mortal danger lurked around every corner.
So, if malicious intent is not at the root of a missed target, what is? More than likely, you can chalk up these mishaps to misunderstandings.
Misunderstandings are inherently subjective. They’re byproducts of misaligned perspectives between people.
These occurrences are perfectly natural. We each have different programming between the ears. We view the world in our own unique way.
Sometimes these visions don’t sync up with the results we observe. And we find ourselves deeply disappointed.
In these moments, the objective search for truth doesn’t work. Finding the culprit and taking corrective action does nothing except cause further collateral damage — such as bad blood, mistrust and general divisiveness.
We need to stop making misunderstandings a personal quest for vengeance. And start considering the person on the other side of the equation.
We need to decenter.
What is decentering?
It’s viewing the world from a perspective other than your own. And then using that viewpoint to find a productive solution.
Essentially, it’s taking a sledgehammer to The Blame Game, and finding a resolution upon the common ground of objectivity instead.
Now, it can be a challenge putting this strategy into motion. We’re not wired to go from me to we, to abandon our perspective in favor of another’s.
After all, a sense of pride and righteousness is at the heart of most of our conflicts. We have such conviction in our beliefs that we make disagreements personal. We treat our viewpoint as fact and declare war on those who might see the situation differently.
Stepping outside of this foxhole requires us to recognize the solution is bigger than ourselves. That our perspective might even be fueling the inferno in the first place.
It requires us to eat some humble pie, and detach ourselves from our entrenched beliefs. All for the greater good.
This is not a natural leap for us to take. Yet, it’s a critical one.
For once we can truly view the world through the perspectives of others, it can change everything. It can make us more conscientious, more empathetic and more action-oriented.
And this, in turn, can keep us from missing the mark.
Everybody wins.
So, let’s resolve to decenter today. It can deliver a brighter tomorrow for everyone.