Month: May 2023

What’s Customary

She was strikingly tall, stunningly beautiful, and outfitted in an elaborate Deel.

There was much to be mesmerized by when this woman set foot in my family’s tent. But I was particularly curious about the large bowl in her hands.

I would soon get answers.

After a few moments, the woman turned to my father. Through a translator, she explained that the bowl was a gift for the honored guests who had traveled long distances to arrive in this place. Since this place was the Mongolian grasslands — half the world away from our family home — we were the honored guests.

It was now my father’s duty to drink from the bowl. He obliged without delay.

Hours later, I stepped out of the tent to relieve myself. As I did, I noticed my father stumbling around in the moonlight, slurring his words.

I was 10 years old, and I had never seen my father drunk before. Now I had, and it was jarring.

It turned out that bowl my father consumed was filled with Baijiu. That’s a 120 proof Barley liquor.

It was more grain alcohol than anyone could handle. A bout of drunkenness and a killer hangover were inevitable.

A few days later, I asked my father why he had willingly gone off the deep end. Couldn’t he have spared himself some pain by just saying no?

My father mentioned the importance of showing respect to our hosts and their customs. Declining the invitation was not an option for him.

I nodded in understanding. But I hoped I wouldn’t find myself in a similar position.

I made the team!

The shouts in the hallway woke me up early on a Saturday morning.

One of my floormates in my college dorm had tried out for the vaunted Miami Hurricanes football team. And he had made the cut.

His role would be far from glamorous. As a walk-on, my floormate would be on the scout team. He’d do all his work in practice, emulating opposing receivers and taking massive hits from defensive backs.

Still, my floormate wasn’t immune to the initiation traditions of the squad. So, when the team leaders demanded that he shave his wavy blonde hair, my neighbors helped him oblige.

This opened the door to more issues. My floormate got a sunburn on his scalp while practicing in the bright Florida sun. Some of the football players compared him to a cancer patient.

But this act also helped forge an intractable bond between my floormate and his teammates. He did ultimately appear in a game. When it concluded, the entire Miami Hurricanes football team carried him off the field on their shoulders. Then, they gave him the game ball.

I’m sure none of this would happen these days. There are copious safeguards in place against initiation rituals. The dignity of the individual supersedes the sanctity of customary team traditions.

Culture is no longer defined through majority rule.

While I’ve never played football at any level, I’ve seen the benefits of this shift.

I do not drink alcohol, and I have a dairy sensitivity. In prior eras, I might have found myself compelled to break with both restrictions to fit in.

But now, I can buck with precedent. I can turn down a round of shots at the bar. I can politely decline a home cooked dish if it’s laden with dairy.

There is a built-in support system for my choices and requirements.

I’m grateful for that. But I’m also aware of what I’m leaving on the table.

As I child, I viewed my father’s conundrum on the Mongolian grasslands as a cruel one.

What culture would treat poisoning its guests as a customary practice?

But in hindsight, I realize that I was looking at this scenario all wrong.

The bowl of Baijiu wasn’t the focus of the evening. It was what tied everything together.

Yes, my father was made to drink more than would seem ethical. But that was just part of a massive celebration speckled with dancing and traditional garb. A celebration in honor of him — the visitor from far away.

By downing the bowl of barley liquor, my father was sharing in the celebration. He was forging a connection with his hosts that could transcend distance and language barriers.

It was worth the ensuing drunkenness and hangover.

This is the notion behind so many customary traditions. Weddings are particularly grand because they encourage two families to connect. French wine and charcuterie boards allow for bonding through cuisine. Holi provides an opportunity to find common ground through color —even if it means ruining our clothes in the process.

Even if we’re unfamiliar with these traditions, we benefit by leaning into them. By taking ourselves out of our comfort zone, we create lasting memories that can transcend cultures.

This is what’s missing in our shift toward individuality.

We might not be forced by our teammates to shave our heads. We might not be prodded by family members to eat something that we can’t digest. We might not be egged on to drink something that makes us incoherent.

Those are net benefits, for sure. But they come with costs. Costs that can’t be brushed away.

The excursion to the grasslands was part of my first trip abroad. A three-week odyssey across China.

In the subsequent decade, I’d get my passport stamped several more times.

But then, the journeys through customs ceased.

As I write these words, it’s been nearly 15 years since I left the United States. I haven’t even ventured to Canada or Mexico.

There are many reasons why I’ve stayed home. But one of them has to do with customary traditions.

I don’t want to put myself in a situation where I get myself sick — either from consuming dairy or alcohol. And I know from my prior travels that I might well be entrapped in these scenarios.

For years, I treated this credo as a validation. Now, I’m not as convinced.

I’ve spared myself a lot of potential misfortune by playing it safe. But I’ve also missed out on numerous chances for cultural connection.

And that does give me pause.

Perhaps the customary traditions of others aren’t a threat to our sensibilities. Perhaps they’re a test of our courageousness.

My father and my floormate in my college dorm each passed this test. I have yet to face it.

And that is a problem.

Moving forward, I resolve to be more open-minded. I will still hold true to my values and lifestyle choices. But I will view the customary traditions that fly in the face of them as something other than an unvarnished threat.

I will view them opportunities. Opportunities I might not take, but at least should consider.

May we all find the gumption to do the same.

Imperfect Information

The graph lit up the projector in the front of the classroom.

A left triangle was the star attraction. A dizzying array of shading, dotted lines and math formulas balkanized its interior.

This diagram was supposed to illustrate pricing power. But to me, it resembled an eye chart.

My economics professor worked his way through the triangle. The top left corner represented the most that a company could feasibly charge for its services. But it was a price that they’d never actually set.

They couldn’t.

The professor explained that companies are saddled with imperfect information. They don’t know every move their competitors will make. They don’t understand which price is at the top of each consumer’s budget. And they have no concrete idea how financial markets will react.

Given that gumbo of uncertainty, companies needed to figure out the next best thing. They need to determine which price would maximize upside and minimize risk.

That’s what the various formulas and lines on this graph were for. And that’s what I’d need to master on the upcoming exam.

I did ultimately master the concept. Then I promptly forgot it.

But the term imperfect information? That was unforgettable.

I’ve found it odd that ambiguity is an indelible part of economic models.

But perhaps I shouldn’t.

What do you do with your free time?

It’s a question I hear bandied about now and then.

Friends and acquaintances tend to have the common responses. Binging TV shows. Gardening. Baking bread.

My answer is a little less traditional. I’ll go down a Wikipedia rabbit hole.

You see, I have a thirst for information. There is always more to be gleaned. And when I get started, it’s hard to stop.

I don’t embark on this quest to win game shows or stand out at parties. I do it out of genuine interest.

I lament all that I don’t know. And I wish to bridge that gap.

Others also seek to scratch this itch. It’s why so many people take continuing education courses online. And it’s why companies have robust research departments.

Still, this appetite for learning is not infinite. Many of us readily accept that a knowledge gap will persist.

But what if we didn’t?

What if more of us went down Wikipedia rabbit holes? What if we left no stone unturned in our quest for knowledge?

At first pass, this sounds idyllic. With a full tank of information, we’d never make an error of ignorance again. We’d be able to put our best foot forward every time.

If only it were that simple.

In finance, there is a concept called arbitrage.

This represents the gap between an asset’s true value and its sticker price. The bigger the gap, the more the seller can make on the margin — and the more the buyer is a sucker.

I’ve long despised arbitrage for this exact reason. Any practice that involves exploiting others seems immoral to me.

But arbitrage does have its advantages.

In a capitalist market, it offers incentives for both sellers and buyers. The sellers are motivated to offer up goods when there’s an opportunity for profit. And the buyers are motivated to uncover options with the least hefty gap.

This motivation drives action, keeping the economic engine turning. It spurs innovation, dangling a hefty reward for displacing quo. And it inspires branding, redefining the notion of value.

These developments have made us better as a society. Even if the individuals who make up our society have gotten fleeced along the way.

Perhaps that Gordon Gekko line from Wall Street wasn’t an indictment on our collective nature. Perhaps greed actually is good.

Arbitrage is, by nature, an invention of imperfect information. If both parties in a deal had the same intel, there would be no invisible tension. The buyer and seller would exchange money and goods, and that would be that.

But such exchanges would happen far less often.

With so little incentive to leverage an advantage, buyers and sellers would only make a deal at the time of highest need. And with such little marketplace activity, there would be little room for our culture to evolve and grow.

We would effectively become Amish. All while hoarding a war chest of facts in our heads.

Information without a practical purpose.

No, arbitrage isn’t perfect. But it’s hardly the opposite of the ideal.

In ancient times, much of the world’s information could be found in one location.

That location was a massive library on the shores of the Mediterranean Sea.

The library of Alexandria was a marvel. The first great repository of the written word, it offered its visitors a unique opportunity. The chance to accumulate more knowledge than their ancestors ever could.

Then, all that information went up in flames.

So much of this event remains an enigma. There’s no way to know for sure why the library burned, or what its demise meant to those who lived in its shadow.

But the modern-day response to the burning of Alexandria’s library is nearly unilateral. We treat the conflagration as a wrong that must be righted. And a great many of us — from scholars to wealthy connoisseurs to the founders of Google — have sought to recreate what once towered over the sea.

Selfishly, I admire this ethos. After all, it provides me endless fodder for my Wikipedia rabbit holes.

But I often wonder if we got the story of Alexandria all wrong.

Maybe the fire wasn’t an unvarnished tragedy. Maybe it was a warning of the dangers of our hubris.

One not unlike the tale of Icarus.

Our quest to collect perfect information is as misguided as our quest to fly close to the sun. Just as gravity keeps us grounded, imperfect information keeps us yearning for more.

This is a blessing, not a curse. And we should start acting like it.

That is what I’m beginning to do.

I no longer yearn to know everything. I’m content with learning a little bit more, each day.

I hope others follow my lead.

Imperfect information might not seem ideal. But it provides us what we need to thrive.

From Whence We’ve Come

I took a deep breath and admired the view.

Behind me stood the columns of the Parthenon. Ahead of me, the white, sunlit rooftops of Athens stretched into the distance.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out my Canon PowerShot camera. As I prepared to take some photos, I heard my mother’s voice.

Worth the climb, huh?

Ah yes, the climb. The steep 500-foot ascent from the city center to this point. I’d been hypnotized by this vista and forgotten about it. Until now.

The flashback to this recent trek made me shudder. Thank goodness my family made that climb on one of the coldest days of the year. Those poor souls who visited Athens in the dead of summer had it rough.

As I considered all this, I reflexively lowered my right arm. The PowerShot was still firmly in my hand, but that hand was now parallel with the outside of my jeans.

I raised my arm once again to take some more photos. But now the view looked different.

The city looked grander, the sun brighter, and the hills in the distance more luscious.

It had been an arduous trek to get up here. And now, the destination appeared worthy of the journey.

I took a few steps and anchored my feet upon the crushed rubber surface.

The view ahead of me now was not that of Greek hills and valleys. Instead, it was the flat oval of a running track in the faded light of dawn.

I was about to embark on my first run workout in seven months. And I was equal parts nervous and hopeful.

I pressed a button on my watch, and I was off. Within seconds, I was flying down the front stretch with reckless abandon.

I felt alive. I felt free — if only for a moment.

By the time I hit the backstretch of the track, I was gassed. Three more laps at this pace were just not in the cards.

So, I dialed the pace back, lap by lap. That mile-long journey resembled a slow fade.

Moments later, I stepped off the track for a swig of water. As I grabbed my bottle, I was despondent.

Why was this so hard? Had I lost my way?

I thought back on my preparation that morning. Had I not stretched for long enough? Had I not fueled properly?

And then, out of nowhere, I thought back to that morning in Athens.

You see, I was out here standing on high, taking the view ahead of me at face value. All while ignoring the arduous journey to my perch.

I had willingly forgotten about the injury I’d suffered, the doctor’s visits I’d had, the surgery I’d endured. I had buried the memories of lying in an MRI machine, hobbling around in a walking boot, or struggling through endless Physical Therapy exercises.

The journey back seemed irrelevant. How I’d gotten my second chance meant less than what I did with it.

I had to make the most of my opportunity. And I simply hadn’t yet.

But maybe I was deluding myself.

The Parthenon of Athens is iconic. But it’s also a reminder of what once was.

Indeed, the columns basking in the Mediterranean sunlight represented the skeleton of a great temple. And in the days when that temple stood intact, a legend reverberated through the Greek hills.

The legend was that of Heracles — better known to us as Hercules.

After killing his family in a fit of madness, Hercules was assigned 12 tasks to satisfy his penance. These tasks were nearly impossible to achieve. Yet, Hercules risked life and limb to master them.

This process elevated Hercules. Not only did he erase the shame he had brought upon his name, but he also gained mythical status.

The arc of Hercules is a narrative lynchpin— one commonly referred to as a man in hole story. As the late novelist Kurt Vonnegut once pointed out, audiences admire that narrative. So, tens of thousands of tales now follow its pattern.

Even so, I feel this fascination is mostly aspirational.

We accept the protagonist’s ordeals only if they lead to a better outcome. We want to see that figure thrive on the backside of adversity. For it proves that our own lowest of lows can lead to the highest of highs.

Yet, something laudable gets lost in this process. Namely, the return to the status quo.

Getting back to where we started is a non-event. It just isn’t worth writing home about.

We need the culmination first.

As I stood beside the track after my workout, I realized just how far into this trap I’d fallen.

I was obsessed with what I was to become. And I was unwilling to just be.

Perhaps more achievements were in store for me. Perhaps they weren’t.

But just getting back to running was a notable feat. And it was high time I recognized it.

A trek to the heights of Athens would surely look different these days.

The columns of the Parthenon still stand. And that vista of sunlit rooftops persists.

But that Canon PowerShot that was in my right hand that winter morning? It’s long been retired.

Six months after I descended from the Acropolis, Apple founder Steve Jobs took the stage in California. He announced a revolutionary product called the iPhone.

That device — and others like it — changed the way we interact with each other, shop, read the news, and take photos.

It’s perhaps the greatest example of our society’s thirst for better.

It’s easy to get caught up in novelty. It’s all too natural to do so.

But what’s next isn’t all that matters.

What we have, what we’ve built, what we’ve regained — all of that is significant.

It’s important to consider from whence we’ve come, and to celebrate our accomplishments. It can provide needed perspective. And it can relieve some of the tension inherent in our drive for more.

I will try to consider the bigger picture moving forward. Will you?

Going Hard and Going Smart

The gun went off, and I took off.

I felt my feet glide over the crushed gravel. I felt the air rushing by my ears. And I saw the pack of runners behind me.

It was my first Cross Country race in high school. And for a moment, I thought I might win it.

But then I felt my breath get heavy and my brow get sweaty. And I saw the hills up ahead.

There was no way I was going to keep this pace up.

I tried to fight the inevitable for a bit. But then a cramp emerged under my right rib. So, I slowed down and watched the pack whiz by me.

Now, I was on my own, plodding my way through the hills in a slow jog. It was a miserable, helpless feeling.

But then, something dawned on me. I’d run this course several times in practice. And I knew it better than my competitors.

I remembered that the circuit ended with a downhill, followed by a long straightaway. If I could take off on the downhill and maintain that momentum, I’d likely catch some of those runners who had just left me in the dust.

I followed this plan to perfection, passing startled runner after startled runner down the stretch.

And while I didn’t finish the race first — not by a longshot — I found myself beaming.

I had made something out of nothing.

I earned something valuable that day. Namely, a primer in race strategy.

You see, I had started the race thinking that effort was my key to success. But as I crossed the finish line, I realized that discretion mattered more.

I only had so much energy to give. If I kept going for it all at the start, I’d run out of steam before I reached my destination.

But if I conserved effort early on, and throttled down later, I’d be in good shape. I’d get the most out of my energy reserves, making it to the finish line in one piece. And I’d likely score a decent placement.

So, I started replicating my race strategy in subsequent contests. I would wait until the downhill to let it fly. And I’d use that momentum to pick off runners down the straightaway.

I never tired of seeing the panicked look on runners’ faces as I sped by them with the finish line in sight. It became my sole race motivation.

Eventually, this approach led to hardware. I medaled in the state championships.

But that turned out to be my final Cross Country race. I didn’t rejoin the team the next year. And I stopped running entirely for a time.

By the time I returned to the sport, I was a seasoned adult. I had gained much in maturity and wisdom. But I’d lost my grasp on strategy.

I would go into races with maximum effort and try to hang on for 3, 6 or 13 miles.

Surprisingly, I got away with it for a time. But eventually, my performance plateaued.

By this point, I was training with experienced runners. Many of them had coaches or had coached others. So, as big races approached, strategy conversations would percolate on our group runs.

I took these conversations to heart. I reconsidered how to race, how to pace my training runs, how to fuel, and how to recover. All of it would impact when I crossed the finish line.

Yes, going smart was better than going hard. It was just as it had been during my high school days.

But this time I was primed to remember the lesson. Maybe.

Most of my mornings start the same way.

I wake up and head out for a pre-dawn run.

Where I run from and how long I run for can vary. But my approach never does.

The days of me taking off like a racehorse are over. Even in training, I commit to going smart.

But something strange happens when I head home after my workout.

I shower, change clothes, and head to work. And in the process, I forget everything I’ve just practiced.

Yes, I approach my job, my errands, and other aspects of my day-to-day with an unrelenting tenacity.

I am dogged. I am determined. I only believe in going hard.

This ethos has paid dividends. It’s helped me build a career — twice — and live a fulfilling life.

But it’s also worn me down. It’s caused mental and physical fatigue. And sometimes, it’s led me to spiral.

All of this is tragically inevitable.

You see, going hard is an asset in certain situations. When we’re making a name for ourselves, we don’t get to choose when to give our best.

It’s full throttle all the time. It has to be.

But at some point, our ticket to the summit betrays us. That all-out grit becomes our undoing, sending us sliding down the mountaintop.

It’s our responsibility to see this demise coming. And it’s our obligation to change tactics to protect ourselves.

For our own preservation, we must switch from going hard to going smart.

I’ve figured this out in my competitive running career — twice. But in the world outside of running, I’ve missed the boat. Repeatedly.

I’m afraid I’m not the only one in this predicament. But it needn’t become manifest destiny.

Early in the COVID pandemic, I did something incredibly common.

I went online and ordered an outdoor furniture set.

I envisioned this furniture sitting on my patio someday. But what I didn’t envision was how I was going to put the set together.

So, when some boxes arrived at my door — filled with parts and a page of instructions — I knew I was in trouble.

At first, I tried to solve this problem by going hard. I followed the instructions the best I could, putting more and more effort into the project.

But I quickly realized I was in over my head. I didn’t have power tools and had no concept as to whether I was doing this right.

Flustered, I pivoted.

I hired a handyman, who put the furniture together in less than two hours. His work remains intact on my patio to this day.

I hadn’t thought much about that situation until I sat down to write this article. But it proves the value of going smart.

If I had doubled down on going hard, I might have gotten that furniture put together. But I likely would have injured myself or melted down in rage during the process.

The toll of going all-in would have been heftier than the benefits.

Fortunately, I never faced that toll. I made the smart move instead.

I can take something from this experience. We all can.

There are times when it makes sense to take a step back. To consider other options than Try Harder. And to calibrate our efforts accordingly.

Navigating this nuance won’t be easy. But it will be beneficial.

Much like runners, we’ll conserve our energy. We’ll maximize our performance. And we’ll likely be happier than we otherwise would have been.

Going hard is a means to an end. Going smart is a path to sustained success.

Let’s follow it.

Who We Need to Be

All I have I would have given gladly not to be standing here today.

Those were some of the first words Lyndon B. Johnson uttered on November 27, 1963.

Johnson had just ascended to the highest office in the land — the United States Presidency. It was a role he had long aspired toward. But now, in a speech to Congress, he seemed to yearn to give it all back.

In a vacuum, such desires might have seemed odd — even alarming. A reluctant leader of the free world would be a major liability.

But at this moment, those words were a torniquet for a wounded nation.

You see, just four days earlier, Johnson had taken the oath of office aboard Air Force One. President John F. Kennedy had just been assassinated during a parade in downtown Dallas. And Johnson needed to assume Kennedy’s office immediately.

The shock and horror of that event had rattled everyone. The worst had happened — in Johnson’s home state of Texas, no less — and now the nation was reeling. This surely was not how Johnson had envisioned his ascension.

Johnson had a reputation as a bulldog, a politician who could achieve objectives through sheer will and resolve. He was as tough as they came, and he could be emphatically persuasive.

But those were not the qualities the American people needed to see at a time like this. So, in that initial address to Congress, Johnson took far more somber tone.

An assassin’s bullet has thrust upon me the awesome burden of the Presidency. I am here today to say I need your help; I cannot bear this burden alone.

Johnson would later speak of the need for strength, and his obligation to honor Kennedy’s legacy by seeing through his initiatives.

But make no mistake. This was not a bold and fiery address. It was quite the opposite.

In a moment of turmoil, the normally tough-minded Texan had become exactly who the nation needed him to be.

About three months before Johnson took the dais in the United States Capitol, another man stepped up to a microphone on the far end of the National Mall.

Staring toward the Washington Monument, that man spoke of his dreams. Dreams of a future of improved racial relations, of civil rights, of hope.

That man, of course, was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. And those words would go on to change history.

But they almost didn’t happen.

Indeed, if you were to peek at Dr. King’s script on that August day in 1963, the words I have a dream would not be on there. The reverend was planning to speak of reality, rather than visions.

This straightforward approach had been Dr. King’s hallmark. He took a plainspoken tone during the Montgomery Bus Boycotts and in his Letter from Birmingham Jail.

The objectives were to call out injustice and spur action. And this style of leadership had helped achieve both thus far.

But as he stared out from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, Dr. King realized the crowd assembled before him needed something more. They needed hope.

And in that moment, Dr. King became who he needed to be to deliver it.

There’s no doubt that Lyndon B. Johnson heard about that speech. After all, the White House is roughly a mile from where Dr. King delivered it.

So, when it was his turn to speak to an aggrieved nation, Johnson had a blueprint. A shining example of how to speak from the heart. A case study in being what his audience needed him to be.

Johnson followed that blueprint and met the moment.

But his words ended up guiding us into the wilderness.

History has proven unkind to Lyndon Johnson.

An escalating war abroad and civil unrest at home ultimately did his presidency in. The fiasco redrew political lines in permanent marker, setting the precursor for a modern-day divided America.

Perhaps that’s why few point to Johnson’s address to Congress as exemplary leadership these days. Maybe they feel that discretion seems the better part of valor.

That could well be the case. But I think something deeper is at play.

You see, there is a popular leadership standard called The Steady Hand. This approach prioritizes consistency in all situations. And prominent examples of it are everywhere.

There’s Winston Churchill’s steely defiance, which remained intact through the ups and downs of World War II. There’s Derek Jeter’s quiet confidence, a metronome that steered the New York Yankees through years of baseball dominance. There’s even Steve Jobs’ petulance, which might not have been desirable, but still yielded consistent innovation.

These examples — and others — have helped The Steady Hand take on a life of its own. So much so that it’s become the de facto playbook for leadership.

Those who follow it are lauded. Those who eschew it are critiqued — through shouts or in whispers.

That’s what happened to President Lyndon B. Johnson. It’s even what happened to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Each is remembered for how their moment in the limelight ended. One a pariah, the other a martyr.

Such focus is a reflection on their malleability and their vulnerability. It’s a statement on the price to paid by those who buck the Steady Hand trend.

Yet, these broad doses of rug sweeping do us no good. It doesn’t cover up the inherent flaws in the Steady Hand approach.

Indeed, there are times when this approach is not enough. There are times when we need to see our reflection in the eyes of those who inspire us. There are times when we need our heroes to be human.

And in those moments, the best leaders become exactly who we need them to be.

We seem to have forgotten this lesson. But it’s not too late to change course.

There’s a concept out there called Active Listening.

Rather than just opening their ears, active listeners open their minds. They absorb the speakers’ words rather than jumping at ready responses. They try to understand what the speaker is thinking and take that context into account.

I learned of this concept in business school and was smitten with it instantly. It’s changed how I communicate and how I live.

There’s more nuance to my personal and professional relationships now. I better understand where friends, family and co-workers are coming from when they speak with me. And I’m more adept at meeting the moment and being who they need me to be.

It’s worked wonders for me. And I’m certain it could have a similar effect for others.

You see, we could all use some active listening. We could all use some malleability in our approach. We could all use some practice in being who we need to be.

So, let’s put away our stubborn pride. Let’s stop standing on ceremony. And let’s get to work.

A world of good awaits us. Let’s unlock it.