Month: April 2018

The Context of Focus

A few months ago, a received a compliment that totally floored me.

I was told I had a great ability to focus.

I was caught off guard by this comment, because this was a trait I didn’t quite see in myself.

I’m notoriously self-critical, and don’t like to dwell on my strengths. But I do know what they are.

Or, at least I thought I knew what they were.

Now, I’m reconsidering.

You see, I’ve long bemoaned my lack of focus, more than anything. I’ve considered my struggles reading books or maintaining attention when watching TV at home. And I’ve dwelled on the trouble I’ve had conversing with others with a lot of noise and movement around me.

This regret has eaten away at me, like a powerful acid.

After all, focus is my goal. A laser-targeted focus could help me achieve my objectives more efficiently and effectively.

I’ve likened this idyllic focus to being early-career Tiger Woods on the golf course.

Tiger had an uncanny ability to tune out all the noise around him and hone in on the task at hand. It helped him dominate a field of the world’s best golfers and tame the toughest courses — even in the harshest of conditions.

I’ve actually experienced this sensation of hyper focus before — although not on Sunday at The Masters, with the whole world watching. And not for as prolonged a period.

No, this sensation has come when I was in what some psychologists call a flow state. That’s a period where all distractions and time melt away. A period where one can truly hone on what needs to be done, and then execute upon it.

As a control enthusiast and intensely task-motivated person, I consider flow states to be pure gold. They are the essence of my greatest productivity.

But they’re also highly elusive. I can’t just snap into one on command.

And that constraint has darkened my entire outlook on the subject of focus.

It’s led to consternation when I’ve struggled to get more than a chapter into a book. It’s caused queasiness every time I’ve found myself paying more attention to the conversations around me than the task at hand. And it evoked dismay and disappointment when the writing of this very article spilled into a second day.

In short, it’s what’s led me to consider focus a personal liability for many years.

But now I wonder, do I have it all wrong?

Perhaps the young lady who lauded my ability to focus was right. For, in certain scenarios, I clearly can stay locked in. I certainly can execute on my objectives with ruthless efficiency in those moments.

I’ve demonstrated this many times throughout my life. And I most assuredly wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t.

But truth be told, I’m not the only one with these abilities. Surely, we each have our moments of focused brilliance, just as Tiger Woods once did on the links.

The key word here is moments. For focus is context-specific.

None of us can stay hyper-focused all the time. If we did, we wouldn’t be human.

So instead, we operate in waves. Of productivity and aloofness. Of efficiency and inefficiency. Of good days and bad ones.

This is the natural balance of our lives. And the sooner we get accustomed to it, the better.

There’s no point in trying to own every moment. It sets the bar far above what’s realistically achievable and only sets us up for disappointment. I know this as much as anyone.

Better to own the moments that mean the most.

Focus matters. But context matters more.

Lessons from Intensity

What do you think of when you see the word intensity?

I think of aggression, stress and other unsavory traits.

I think of a crowd of commuters on a New York City subway platform. All in a hurry but with nowhere to go.

Yes, I’ve long seen intensity as a problem. A self-inflicted wound that damages our health and sabotages our relationships with others.

In my view, a laid-back attitude is ideal. It represents nature in balance.

There’s only one problem. I don’t practice what I preach.

It turns out that I am an incredibly intense person. My motor is always running at full speed.

My intensity is the fuel that drives many of my defining characteristics. It’s led me to be a control enthusiast and a chronic planner. It’s inspired me to stay active and engaged at all times. And it’s also made me incredibly self-critical.

These results are a mixed bag. Some have helped me do great things and connect with those around me. Others have been detrimental or offputting.

In the past, I’ve focused on the problems my intensity has caused. And I sought to remedy them with wholesale changes.

I tried to adapt a more laid-back lifestyle. I aspired to live more in the moment. And I devoted time to relaxing and leaving the worries of the real world behind — even if only for a little while.

It didn’t work.

It turns out I can’t change the way I’m wired. My intensity, much like my introversion, is encoded in my DNA.

I’ve had to learn to get comfortable with this fact. And to recognize that intensity doesn’t necessarily equate to pushiness or rudeness.

Yes, I’ve discovered that even the most intense people can still find a productive balance. It comes from channeling that intensity inward and exuding empathy outward.

I now strive to achieve that balance. And the results thus far have been transformative.

I push myself harder than ever. And I demand a level of perfection that I know I’ll never reach.

Yet at the same time, I aspire to treat others with care and kindness. To appreciate them for who they are, and how they are.

This might all seem a bit strange and disjointed. But I consider these opposing approaches to be connected.

The way I see it, my purpose is to make a positive difference in the lives of those around me. And by channeling my intensity inward — by demanding ever more of myself — I can live into that purpose.

It is this narrative that has provided me peace of mind, at long last, when reflecting my intensity. All while providing me something to strive for.

I believe this is a powerful lesson to carry forward. Because regardless of whether we love intensity or consider it abhorrent, we must recognize that context is everything.

We shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. There are plenty of applications of each trait we possess that are healthy and productive. And plenty of others that are dangerous or problematic.

The power is in our hands.

Our traits are our superpowers. Use them widely.

The Journey to Situational Awareness

How well do you know yourself?

I mean really know yourself.

It can be relatively easy to recognize your key traits. To understand whether you’re shy or outgoing. Confident or tentative. The center of attention or the one in the shadows.

But that’s only part of the equation.

You see, for us to truly understand ourselves, we must delve deeper than our personality traits. We must layer in context.

We must consider our situational awareness.

This is one of the trickiest concepts to master. Yet, it’s one of the most critical.

For how we respond to the contextual cues around us impacts how others see us. And how they choose to interact with us.

This can open doors for us. Or shut them.

It all hinges on how we read and react to the situations we encounter in real time.

Get this right and others will speak of us glowingly. Get it wrong, and they’ll cringe at our indiscretion.

But how do we learn to read situations right? How do we prepare to have the right response at every turn?

Through trial and error.

There are simply no shortcuts. Reading the room happens in real time, and our reactions bubble to the surface in that exact moment.

It’s only by failing that we succeed. By being cringeworthy and learning from the experience.

This process requires introspection. It requires humility. And it requires a willingness to change.

This is a big ask. Many of us don’t like second-guessing ourselves. And we don’t like to embarrass ourselves.

But by taking the plunge, we set ourselves up for success. The lessons we learn can help us gain social capital. And the actions we take help us build character.

Take it from me.

Growing up, I was notoriously bad at situational awareness. I looked and felt out of place on more than one occasion. And my social life — or lack thereof — reflected my contextual blindness.

I wasn’t even tone-deaf. I was clueless.

Fortunately, as time went on, I was able to flip the script. I made friends who assessed me honestly and pointed out my situational awareness flaws. And I developed the courage to identify my mistakes and learn from them.

I’m far from perfect today. But I find myself out of place far less often. And my peers regard me a lot more highly than they did in my younger years.

This transformation started with the courage to look within. To understand my deficiencies and work to make them strengths.

The journey that ensued has helped define me.

It’s not too late for your journey to start.

Do what you can to maintain situational awareness.

Learn the cues. Have the humility to grow through your mistakes. And get to know yourself far better than you might ever have imagined.

Your social future is at stake. Make it a great one.

The Value in Sharing Knowledge

What value does knowledge hold?

Some would say it holds infinite value. That the more knowledge one accrues, the better off they are.

They may be right. But only to a point.

You see, the true value in knowledge lies not in how much of it one can gain. No, it lies in how much of it one can share.

Sharing represents full utilization of knowledge. It represents taking what one has gained and using it to help others. To bridge gaps, build communities and make the world a better place.

This is where value is created. This is where legends are made.

If you don’t believe me, consider how few rewards are given simply for accruing knowledge.

It might get us into Harvard, give us the grand prize in Jeopardy or help us ace the exam.

But then what?

We won’t be remembered for how much we can remember. And we likely won’t be able to make a career out of what we retain in our heads.

We need to do more to leave our mark. We need to be actionable with what we’ve learned. To use our knowledge to solve real world problems.

This is what the world expects of us. And it’s what we must expect of ourselves.

Yes, collaboration a fundamental attribute of humanity. Our society is built upon the value of sharing knowledge. Of taking ideas, building upon them and maximizing their impact.

It’s how we’ve evolved from caves to computers. It’s how we’ve gone from walking through jungles amongst saber-toothed tigers to flying above the clouds in jumbo jets.

If the minds behind these innovations hadn’t shared them, we’d still be in the Stone Age. Or maybe even extinct.

In fact, if we hadn’t shared our accrued knowledge, our entire existence would be anonymous. History, after all, is solely the result of shared knowledge.

Fortunately, those before us have taken on the burden of sharing their ideas. And, in doing so, they’ve provided us with previously unimaginable luxuries.

We can now live longer than our ancestors did. And we can now live in greater comfort than previous generations could ever have imagined.

But we cannot drop the ball.

In an era where endless information is available in our pockets, we cannot afford to act as if our brains are intake valves.

We must remember the importance of taking it in to share it out.

We must share what we know.

We must advance the conversation.

We must leave the world a better place than we found it.

This is our purpose. And our responsibility.

So, let’s commit to it. Together.