Month: December 2017

Be Better

Tis the season for resolutions.

As the holidays wind down and the calendar resets, many are planning on reinventing themselves. On pursuing ambitious goals and improving their self-worth.

Count me out.

For years, I’ve railed against New Year’s Resolutions. I’ve never understood why we let something as arbitrary as a calendar change affect our actions. Why we let the ticking of a clock serve as our compass, instead of following our heart.

We are not robots. Yet we seek to reprogram ourselves every time the days get short, and the guilt of holiday indulgence sets in.

So, we commit ourselves to crazy goals. Commitments we’ll break within three weeks.

There’s a better approach. One that can yield better and more consistent results. And all it takes is commitment to two words:

Be Better.

It’s ridiculously simple, yet amazingly complex.

You see, by committing ourselves to these words, we hold ourselves accountable. We require ourselves to show up each and every day with a singular mission: Improve on yesterday.

How we go about doing that is our business. But we will ultimately find ourselves making incremental improvements each day.

Why? Because that’s the only path forward.

We might be enthralled by the quick fix, the growth hack, the express elevator. After all, society and technology have hard-wired us to believe that we can have whatever we want in an instant.

But it’s all an illusion.

When it comes to self-improvement, slow and steady is the only way. For this is a continuous process. One that can be painfully monotonous, yet effective.

Living into this process can yield success. But that takes a mindset shift.

It takes us abandoning our illusion of grandeur in favor of the 10 feet in front of us. Something that we’re naturally loathe to do.

Simon Sinek once said of Millennials, “It’s as if they’re standing at the foot of a mountain, and they have this abstract concept called impact that they want to have in the world, which is the summit. What they don’t see is the mountain.”

It’s not just Millennials with this selective blindness. We all have it to some degree. It’s why we have resolutions in the first place. And it’s why we let the calendar dictate our lives.

If we really want to break the chain, — to realize true self-improvement — we must open our eyes.

We must focus on the journey more than the destination. We must accept the challenge of taking a million baby steps, rather than a moon leap. We must embrace a process that, by definition, will never be complete.

We must live into two powerful words, day in, day out.

Be better.

Will you?

The Sweetness of Serendipity

Many of the events of our lives can be attributed to serendipity.

We might call it luck, fortune or God’s will. Regardless of the nomenclature, it all converges on the same theme.

Being in the right place at the right time is everything.

If that explanation seems like too vague and simplistic, consider this:

The one constant in our world is motion. The earth orbits the sun yearly, and spins on its axis hundreds of times during that journey. The water that sustains us flows through streams, oceans, and our faucets. Air travels from one place to another — both as a fierce Arctic wind and a warm summer breeze.

And the one constant in our lives is motion. Blood flows through our veins, ideas flow through our minds, and — to the degree that we are physically able — we flow from one location to another in search of shelter, entertainment or prosperity.

With all these forces in motion, collisions are inevitable. We collide both with forces of nature and forces of humanity. It’s a side effect of an environment where nothing is truly in suspense.

Over time, we learn how to handle these encounters. We dress for the elements and learn social etiquette. What was once profound quickly becomes routine.

How quickly we forget the power of these collisions. And the ability they have to define our lives.

Because the path we take is not a matter of fate. It’s a matter of circumstance. Of taking those random encounters and turning them into something fortuitous.

That is the essence of serendipity. The essence of our life’s story. No more, no less.

So why do we keep looking for a higher explanation? On finding patterns in the stars or answers in the heavens?

The answer comes down to one word: Control.

You see, we are obsessed with controlling our outcomes. On free will and the pursuit of happiness. We’ve built an entire society upon these principles, and forged our dispositions upon them.

But it’s all an illusion. In reality, much of what happens in our lives is beyond our control. It’s unpredictable, yet still impactful.

We don’t know how to rationalize these random occurrences. So, we try and fit the square peg into a round hole. We key in on patterns. We speak of fates aligning. We do all we can to regain control of the profound.

There’s a better way to react. Instead of trying to predict the next serendipitous moment, we should prepare ourselves to pounce on it. To treat it as an opportunity and to capitalize accordingly.

For that is where the rubber meets the road on our life’s story. We may not control serendipity, but we can take full ownership of its impact. We can use it to improve our fortunes and that of those around us.

That is where true success lies. That is where the serendipity tastes the sweetest.

The Plight of the Introvert

I am an introvert.

Four simple words. One simple fact.

But one that’s exceedingly difficult for me to share with the world.

Why does the prospect of explaining my personality to a room of 60 people — as I did recently — feel like a special kind of torture? Why is conveying who I am — and how I am —  so gut-wrenching?

The answer cuts to the core of what introversion is.

You see, introverts must navigate an alternate reality, one that runs counter to the social norms that define our society. In a world where we’re expected to connect with one another through sharing, we introverts tend to keep our cards close to the vest.

Our guardedness is not a symptom of skepticism. It’s more a reflection of the manner in which think.

For the mind of an introvert is hardly ever at rest. It’s constantly cranking out permutations and observations related to make sense of the world. This process plants the seeds for the innovations so many introverts create, but it also requires heavy internalization and intense solitude.

Yes, there’s a storm brewing in the mind of an introvert. But no one else can hear the thunder.

Introversion directly contradicts the key tenet of our culture, which demands that we collectively experience the noise. It’s a key reason why introverts are labeled with such dismissive terms as shy, quiet or withdrawn.

These descriptions are all wrong.

Take myself as an example. I enjoy having some time to myself. I find inspiration in silence. And I definitely have my shy moments.

But these attributes don’t define my life. The situation I’m in does.

Put me in a room full of strangers and I’ll freeze. But surround me with people I know and I’ll work the room.

The challenge of that duality is a plight the introvert must face. For while we thrive in the company of those we trust and understand, we find it difficult to build upon that base. Yet, the action of building a network is critical for success.

Overcoming this hurdle is not impossible. But it is challenging, exhausting and extremely unsettling. What seemingly comes easy to extroverts takes all an introvert has to give, and then some.

Let’s close that gap.

Let’s resolve collectively to better understand the nuances of introversion. Let’s accept these differences and build upon the common ground of empathy.

And let’s recognize that introverts must communicate their plight for others to understand it.

This is precisely why I am admitting my introversion with you today.

For once we view introversion is more than just a dismissive term, we become that much more dynamic. Once we celebrate our similarities and our differences, we become that much more powerful. And once we find common understanding, we become that much more successful.

This is the world I hope to build on and contribute to. But it’s on all of us to make that world possible. And that process starts right here, through acceptance and connection.

I am an introvert. Take me as I am.

The New Dynamics of Power

Power has long been a hot-button topic. But perhaps never more than now.

Many prominent male figures have fallen from grace, as details of their transgressions have come to light — in particular, when it comes to inappropriate dealings with women in the workplace. Another autocrat has ascended to the Highest Office in the Land, and used his position (and social media) as a bully pulpit.

From armchair psychologists to Dr. Phil, there are plenty of people trying to figure out what’s going on. Does power give men an air of entitlement? Is a culture of pig-headed behavior in male dominated hotbeds such as Hollywood and Silicon Valley to blame? Are people naturally bad, and does empowerment simply provide them license to act in the disturbing ways they so often do?

The truth may lie in the answers to these questions. But I have a different theory.

I believe fear is what leads to this behavior. Fear of power, to be specific.

You see, we’re hard-wired to avoid gravitating toward positions of influence for two reasons.

  1. The expectations for leadership are too lofty. Living up to the standard is therefore an exercise in futility.
  2. History is filled with cautionary tales of how leaders have fallen victim to their own success. Namely, success leads to greed, which then leads to a swift downfall.

This toxic combination has led to a leadership void. People are hesitant to consider themselves leaders, because they’re terrified of the burden that comes with it.

Yet, plenty of people do rise to positions of power and influence. This is a natural function of a society obsessed with The Next Big Thing. So, we have plenty of people thrust into a position that they’re not ready for. One they’re actually terrified of, deep down inside.

The results of this conundrum are actually quite predictable. When we’re scared, we act irrationally, even immorally. So, when a person assumes a power position they secretly fear, there’s a good chance they’ll behave irresponsibly. And there’s a good chance that they’ll leave plenty of people as collateral damage along the way.

It’s a vicious cycle. One with no beneficiary.

So, what can we do to break the chain?

We can flip the script about what power means.

Instead of talking about the dangers of power, we can focus on the light it brings. On the opportunity to make a positive impact in the lives of others by using our influence to help put them first.

By focusing on the power of We, Not Me, we can make the concept of power more altruistic. And we can make the objectives associated with it more attainable for those who aspire to inspire.

With the new dynamics of power in place, we’ll be less likely to fear all that comes with positions of influence. And we’ll be less likely to tarnish the lives of others with our irresponsible actions.

So, let’s rediscover the magic in empowering others through our influence. The world will be a better place for it, and our closets will have fewer skeletons.

And that’s change we can all believe in.