Month: January 2017

Avoiding Overblown

“It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.”

My mind has been fixated on these R.E.M. lyrics recently. How could they not be?

While the song comes from a time of VCR’s and Iron Curtains, it still resonates today for so many reasons:

  • The holidays are over
  • The National Football League playoffs are nearing their emotional apex
  • America’s most polarizing president has recently taken the oath of office

Yes, the dead of winter seems to be high time for an emotional diaspora. Some of us will look at these events and say the world is ending, while others will act as if they’ve never felt finer.

There is no middle ground.

This all might be a reflection of our increasingly divided society. It could also be an inevitable outcome in a world where technology gives us all a platform to raise our voice, and our culture demands we do so as boldly as possible.

But in the midst of the hot air, the juxtaposed emotions, the feverish debate around these events, we must ask ourselves:

Isn’t this all a bit overblown?

To be sure, proceedings in the White House matter. The actions on a gridiron matter. The changing of the seasons matters.

These events can all be uplifting or distressing, depending on your perspective. After all, we’re emotional beings who have great passion for our city, our country and our views — along with those who we feel represent them in the realm of competition. However, these events shouldn’t be viewed as the sign of the apocalypse, or as cause for physical ailments.

That’s taking it too far.

For regardless of how we might feel at the moment, the sun will rise tomorrow morning in the east and set tomorrow evening in the west. It’s done this for millions of years, and will continue to do so for millions more.

This is more than the manifestation of an inevitable pattern. It’s a reminder that no matter how dark the night, the first light of dawn is just around the corner. A beacon illuminating that this too shall pass.

Yes, humankind and the world itself have been through trials and tribulations. Yet both have persevered, time and again.

So, let’s avoid overblown. Let’s step away from the hyperbole, from the punishment we inflict on ourselves when things don’t go the way our heart desired them to. If we refocus that energy on aspects of life we can directly control, the world will be better for it.

And so will ours.

Three to Four

What’s the best way to make a difference?

My answer takes all of four words:

Turn three to four.

What does that mean?

I’m talking about turning selfish into selfless. Taking those last three letters, and making them four new ones.

It’s a switch that takes less than ten seconds to make. But it’s anything but simple — and it’s far from meaningless.

You see, there are many ways to make a difference in the world, but they’re all based on one, solid foundation — our mindset. Before we can even think about imparting change, we must decide which mindset we will embrace.

In particular, we must choose between being selfish or being selfless. Between focusing on our own benefit and putting others first.

Far too often, we go with the first option.

This is understandable, of course. We have needs that must be satisfied, and we’re acutely aware of their importance; by nature, they follow us wherever we go. And when we feel taken care of, our self-esteem, confidence and ego stand to benefit.

But no one can truly make a tangible difference by being selfish.

No, this outcome requires a broader perspective —  the willingness to put others first.

It takes a lot to embrace this mindset, including:

  • Adaptability —The ability to pivot, to serve the varied needs of others.
  • Empathy — The inclination to care, to carry the emotional burden of others as one’s own.
  • Courage — The willingness to be vulnerable, to feel uncertainty but move forward just the same.

Most of all, it takes connection.

If we are to truly be selfless, then we must be willing to interact with others. To share in order to build.

This is a challenge, a threat to our self-serving nature. But it’s one worth pursuing.

For by accepting this challenge, we open our heart, broaden our mind and dare to look at change in a new light.

We’re still involved in this process — hence the self. But by changing ish to less, by turning those three letters into four, we’re allowing others to benefit too.

So, let’s all aspire to add on, to pledge to serve the world with a selfless mindset.

For turning three to four adds so much more than an extra character from the alphabet. It gives a chance to make a lasting impact the world will appreciate.

The Millennial Problem

There are few things that annoy me more than being called a Millennial. While it’s true that I was technically born at the start of what is now considered the Millennial era, I try and dissociate myself from Millennial culture as much as possible. I do this because I find that Millennial culture contradicts my values and the essence of who I am.

Why? Well, like many critics, I consider Millennial culture to promote narcissistic, entitled, self-absorbed and childish behavior. As someone who believes in building a community upon principles of selflessness and connection, I find these behaviors to be a significant roadblock in obtaining that objective.

These prototypical Millennial behaviors can be explained, of course. In the most comprehensive critique of Millennial culture I’ve seen thus far, Simon Sinek makes the point that generation-wide failures of both parenting and education have helped shaped the characteristics of Millennials.

Sinek explains that by creating a system of placation — personified in the dreaded participation trophies that are increasingly common in youth competitions — parents and teachers have failed to extoll a crucial concept within the minds of a generation of young adults. Namely, that the world is not fair, and that nothing is just given to you in adulthood.

Of course, tell this to a savvy Millennial, and they’ll point out that innovators like Mark Zuckerberg and Evan Spiegel have gotten rich before finishing their college degrees. And while not everyone will create the next Facebook or Snapchat — social networks that have only accelerated the development of Millennial behavior — there’s no doubt that the age of technological disruption has made it more difficult for Millennials to believe that achievements must be earned gradually over time. After all, if these young Silicon Valley bigwigs can provide instant gratification — both for themselves and for the masses, through their products — why does anyone have to “Embrace The Suck” anymore?

Therein lies the fundamental issue with Millennial culture. Not only do many Millennials, to quote Queen, Want it all and want it now, but they also seem unwilling to accept the possibility that something must be earned, built or cultivated over time. In their mind, there’s always another “Life Hack” — or shortcut — out there to provide instant gratification. And if there isn’t one, there soon will be.

Quite simply, many Millennials believe there’s no need to draw upon the way it was. The way it is and will be is all that matters.

This break from tradition helps explain the unsavory narrative heaped upon Millennials by older generations — one that conveys them as lazy and petulant. And while I don’t fully agree with this narrative, I do have major issues with the Millennial perspective.

As the son of a history teacher, I believe that ignoring the lessons of the past is dangerous. As someone who has worked hard to earn a foothold in two different careers — instead of demanding the corner office and three months’ vacation on Day 1 — I find demands for instant gratification within social constructs to be deeply offensive.

Our life, our career, our friendships and relationships — each is a process. And it should be that way.

Each step in this process gives us an opportunity to learn and grow. And by holistically building trust and value over time, we’re able to contribute to our communities in ways that resonate.

So, while many critics ask that we kowtow to Millennial culture in order to bridge the generational divide in shared settings like the workplace — for instance, Sinek has proposed that laws and regulations be set for smartphone usage — my proposal is a lot simpler.

Stop babying Millennials.

Don’t bend over backwards every time a young adult demands instant gratification. Don’t let “me” come before “we.”

Call out behavior that can be perceived as lazy, anti-social or excessively narcissistic. Explain why some of the best things in life require patience and persistence.

Millennials are smart people, and good people. But high school is over, and it’s time to grow up. Given enough honest feedback and tough love, they will figure it out.

Are we willing to provide that guidance?

The Little Things

January is an interesting time.

The holidays have come and gone, the calendar has reset, and people are diving into those resolutions.

But while Out With The Old, In With The New is all the rage on these short, chilly winter days, it misses the point.

Yes, much of life is about improvement — improving ourselves and the world at large.

But it’s also about the little things. The moments and sensations that remind us what it is to be alive.

The reflection of sunlight off a passing car on a blue, sunny day. The feeling of hitting the water during the perfect cannonball. The warm fuzzies we get when we see a loved one smile.

These all should matter.

For while these things don’t help us achieve, they allow us to feel. And feeling is what both defines and protects the unique human brand of accomplishment.

Protecting our ability to achieve is vital, as machines are taking over tasks that were once manned by people. With the advent of Machine Learning, computer programs are now able to take on more complicated roles than ever before. While these developments certainly make things more efficient, they also eliminate job opportunities and make prosperity more difficult to come by for many people.

It might sound bleak, but have no fear. The dawn of Skynet is not imminent.

Why? Because machines can’t see the little things.

They can’t feel. They can’t build connections off of empathy. They can’t mend fences or solve the complex issues that the world faces.

They don’t get goosebumps on their forearm or chills up and down their spine. They can’t comprehend delight or despair.

They’re here to do a job, and that’s it.

We’re here for more than that. Not just to live, but also to know how it feels to be alive.

That’s what this shared ride called life is about, what it should be about.

So, take a moment to breathe in that crisp winter air, to gaze at that stunning sunset, to spend more time around the people who make your heart flutter.

The little things are a big deal.