Month: March 2016

What You Put In

You’ve heard it before, and you’ll hear it again.

You get out what you put in.

It’s some simple wisdom that we might apply to our careers, or to motivate ourselves at the gym. But it’s really about so much more than climbing the ladder, or getting the perfect six pack.

It’s about putting a concerted, dedicated effort into everything you do, in order to see results.

This point too often gets lost among us. We all too often believe that “putting in” is something strictly associated with an unpleasant, but necessary experience. For some inexplicable reason, we expect the things that bring us joy to just happen to us, without us “putting in” to make them all that they should be.

We know better. Aside from the sun rising and setting each day, very little in this world just happens. To varying degrees, we have to make things happen.

With this in mind, it’s important to dedicate ourselves to everything we do. Everything we strive for — from being a better parent to making smarter financial decisions — comes down to commitment. Heck, how we spend our free time comes down to commitment, even if we only plan on watching golf on TV.

Why is this dedication so important? It forces us to stay engaged and goal-oriented, even at the times when the goal we’re aiming for is total relaxation. This process keeps us healthier, sharper and more in control of our actions; it saves our mind from the paralysis of indifference.

Commitment forces us to shun the sheep in favor of the lions.

We are all lions. We are all strong, proud and capable of calling the shots in our lives. The key is to step up and take charge of what matters to us.

So the next time you’re zoned in at your cubicle, or preparing for that next set of reps, bottle that feeling of devotion. Then put it into everything else you do. You’ll be surprised how much you’ll get out of it.

A Costly Definition

There are so many things that make us great. The power of our mind and the size of our heart can help make the world a better place. And our unique personality traits add a notable zest to our society, much like an extra spice in a Gumbo. Yet, despite all that makes us one-of-a-kind, one factor seems to define all of us.

Money.

Try as we may to avoid it, the amount of money we have dictates our actions and perceptions. We need money to put food on our tables, clothes on our backs and a roof over our heads. Money shapes people’s perception of where we came from, and money defines where we’re going. Sometimes we use money in sickening degrees lavish excess — filling our lives with indulgences we don’t need. Other times, we let our lack of money hold us back — our financial burden inhibiting our lifestyle.

Money has a chokehold on our society as well. Needs are met and problems are solved not for the greater good, but instead because of the money exchange involved. That feeling of surprise when we get something for free — that only serves to underscore this point.

Our glorification of those with money only fans the flames; we’re hard wired to pursue more and more of money — first for ourselves, and then for our families. And while we inherently know that money is not correlated with satisfaction, we keep pursuing it, even when we know we have enough.

It’s a damned shame.

Money is a necessary evil in a capitalist society. But there should be some necessary good as well.

Spreading happiness and goodwill — that doesn’t need to come with a price tag. Spending time with the people we care about — that shouldn’t be burdened by the weight of money. The things we create, ideas we share, hobbies we cultivate, lives we impact — they should be celebrated independent of the financial gains they might bring us.

We will still get our money. And spend it. And then spend some more. But our narrative shouldn’t be imprisoned within the confines of our bank account.

The way we live our lives and contribute to our society — independent of our wallets — is what should define us.

Let’s change the narrative.

Solitude In Silence

I love to communicate.

Speaking, writing, sharing — I do it plenty. Maybe too much.

But there’s something I appreciate more than the words I share.

Silence.

You see, the loudest voice in the room garners the most buzz. But that attention is leased, not bought. It’s chewed up and spat out like a piece of gum.

On the contrary, the voice that shares the least quite often says the most.

The person who can deftly master the art of silence can wield incredible power — the power to subtly captivate with something that resonates. The absence of many words can demonstrate nearly as much as the few that are actively shared.

Still, silence naturally defies attention. We are hard-wired to ignore the silent in favor of those who contribute to our collective white noise. Silence is taboo; noise is normal.

But while it’s certainly important for some — such as abuse victims — to speak out, it shouldn’t be a blanket societal requirement. Leveraging the art of silence can bring an important measure of balance.

This is a major reason why I’m a strong advocate of selective periods of silence. I will occasionally spend an hour or two sitting on my porch or taking a long walk, without checking my phone or saying a word. I don’t crank up the tunes; it’s just me and the rhythmic sounds of birds, the wind or passing cars on the highway near my home.

These are the moments I cherish. They allow me to think, to reflect, to focus free of the white noise that otherwise dominates my life. These periods of silence provide me peace and solitude, and I emerge from them renewed and refreshed.

I don’t take this portion of my life for granted. Many are surprised to learn that I happily live alone, without pets; one of the many reasons I do is to allow myself for moments of silence and reflection. Others might not commit to taking long walks with only their thoughts as accompaniment; this is something I actually look forward to.

While I fully recognize that I have a unique disposition to appreciate silence — I’m naturally shy and actively self-reflective — I do believe it’s important for others to at least build a passing acceptance of it. We have a very real issue with overcommunication in our culture today; restraint and balance are missing attributes. Nature does not involve continual disruption; it’s important that we reconnect with its rhythm.

So, after you’re done reading this bit of white noise, consider taking some time to unplug. Remove yourself from all distractions, and find the solitude in silence. You will emerge anew.

Our Only Self

You’ve probably heard the phrase “I’m going to be my best self today” before.

I think it’s a load of bull.

The person who we are and the person who others see — that should be the same person. If we’re putting different versions of ourselves on display, it means at least one of them ain’t real. And that ain’t right.

We owe it to our loved ones and ourselves to be real. What you see is what you get.

But what if others don’t like what they see? Then there are three options: create different personas to please everyone, stay true to yourself and please no one, or make changes in order to find a middle ground.

When people talk about being their best selves, they think they’re choosing the third option, but really they’re going for Column A. This makes them superficial and shallow.

If you’re shallow, others will walk right over you.

No one wants that, but in the quest to be “our best selves,” we end up in that particular lava pit — fossilizing into a meaningless existence, the memory of which will eventually be forgotten when others find something new to fawn over.

I know this, because I’ve been there.

The place I was raised is not the place I call home today. The road from one to the other was long and winding, and once I got to my destination, there was a temptation to shun the path I’d traveled to get there. It was easy to pretend that I dropped out of the blue, that my past was insignificant.

But that was wrong.

I’ve learned to embrace my past and my future. Sure, it can lead to a lot of awkward conversations with the people I’ve interacted with at various touchpoints on the incomprehensible path I’ve taken — there is no Google Maps for my life; it’s been mostly uncharted. But at the end of the day, I’m being real with everyone I come across, and that sentiment is translatable.

So what to do when you’re trying to improve your life without falling into the “best self” abyss?

It’s simple.

Think about what the change is for.

Is it to change other’s perception of you, or to improve your own life? Is is to improve your popularity or to grow your self esteem?

These attributes are often lumped together, but they shouldn’t be. Basing changes to your own life off of the predicted reactions of others is the shallowest and most selfish thing you can do. Gradually improving your life habits while staying on course with your True North will not only help you live a fuller life, but also help solidify your legacy.

Someone who’s real is golden. Someone who’s real and on the continual path toward self-improvement is memorable.

So instead of trying to be your best self, focus on being your only self. Don’t reinvent it. Improve it.

(And don’t post naked bathroom selfies on Facebook. You’re better than that.)

The Wreckage Of Radical Thinking

These are trying times.

Our way of life is under attack by those we cannot understand, and who refuse to understand us. Undocumented people within our borders cause uncomfortable situations, while a booming international drug business is causing problems on multiple fronts. The color of our skin can be a de facto death sentence in certain encounters with law enforcement. Our rights to self-defense, privacy, speech and religion are threatened by — of all things —our own actions.

These are turbulent times indeed, compounded by our collective difficulty grasping one key concept.

Complex problems can’t be solved by simple solutions.

A concise rational statement. But we seem to have lost all rationality these days, as many are  convinced that by simply removing a set of people from our midst, we’ll make everything better.

It doesn’t work that way. Why? Because no matter how you classify us — black, white, Asian, Hispanic, Muslim, Jewish, Christian, cops, businesspeople, journalists — we have rights in this country. We have rights to live and defend ourselves. We have rights to spiritual beliefs and to free expression. We have rights to moments of privacy. We have rights to public safety. And, provided we don’t unduly impinge upon the safety of others, we have a right to freedom.

Change is good. Progress is good. But when radical responses to injustice catch fire, an entire subset of our society is denied these inalienable rights — and everything that we should stand for goes up in flames.

It ain’t progress when we ostracize all law enforcement officers for the abhorrent actions of several bad ones. It ain’t progress when we propose disarming our entire society completely, even in the wake of senseless tragedies. It ain’t progress when we threaten to kick out all the Mexicans, or all the Muslims.

For when we do all this, we succumb to closed-mindedness. We regress into an ugly past where some human beings within our borders were considered three-fifths of a person based on the color of their skin. We open the doors for those with the lethal combination of ultimate power and evil intentions to order a mass exterminations of a subset of our population. We threaten to shun our societal values — the unique mixture of cultural diversity and universal rights that has allowed our culture to transform the world.

So, when it comes to pushing our culture forward in the wake of tragic setbacks, we should not let our emotions goad us into radical decisions. Instead, we should show restraint and take a more moderate, central path toward improvement.

By staying true to who we are, we can ensure that who we will be is so much better.